In honor of BAG Day. I was going to do it tomorrow morning, but since I’m 3 hours ahead of the East Coast, my morning is noon to many morons so I’ll do it tonight.
With thanks to Hermit Dave,
This is my list. There are many others like it, but this one is my second one. My list is one of my best friends. It is my life (with my other Top Ten List). I must master it as I must master my life and as I mastered my first list. Without me, my list is useless. Without my list, I am useless …Well, except for my other list, but that’s not important now. What is important is the guns.
In reverse order
10. Bushmaster AR-15, Rose McGown used it as her leg in Planet Terror. Cool gun, bad actress, nice breasts, lame movie, that’s why it’s so low. This one is from the dark years of the Assault Weapons Ban, that really only banned Scary Features of Scary Guns, so it came with a 10 rd mag and doesn’t have a bayonet mount. Probably since it couldn’t have a bayonet mount, it has the deluxe, stainless barrel, so it’s more accurate than your average .223 AR. I bought only Bushmaster, 30rd mags for it, so it’s all Bushy. Hey, anybody who makes primary weapons for APCs is all right in my book.
9.Remington 742, used in Two Minute Warning with Charles Bronson, not as cool as when he used a Wildey in Death Wish III, but still a Chuck movie so I’m calling that a win. It’s my father’s deer rifle, I have another Remington 30.06, a 7400, that I got when I was 16, but I like his better. All my father’s guns were my favorites when I was a little kid. I grew up with a bunch of guns in the house, knew where they were and where the ammo for them was and yet, I never killed myself or anybody else. Weird that.
8.Top Break/Schofield used by Sam Elliot in Tombstone. Great movie, possibly the best Wyatt Earp movie. Mostly because of Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday and Kurt Russell’s mustache. That’s one impressive mustache, even John Bolton is a little jealous of it. I love this gun. It’s awesome, it’s .45LC and the speed loaders from my 629 work for it.
7.Beretta PX-4 Storm, used by John McClane in Live Free or Die Hard. I like that movie even though I’d like to smack the snotty, “I’m a Mac” guy. I think it’s much better than the previous one. I like that pistol because it has 14 round, factory mags that don’t stick out below the grip and they are interchangeable with my CX-4 Storm, but it’s kind of sloppy. I much prefer the #4 gun on this list for my .40 S&W needs. This and the top break are the only guns on this list I bought new. Except for the 742, they were all on the consignment rack at my favorite gun store, VA Arms in Manassas.
6.Henry rifle, used in Winchester 73 funnily enough. They have one line I love in that movie. Jimmy is explaining how the Indians are going to send in a light attack, get the soldiers to fire their single-shot rifles and then the rest will attack while they’re reloading, then his sidekick says, “But we have two Winchesters.” and another guy chimes in with, “and a Henry”. Coincidentally, I have two Winchesters and a Henry. So if your cavalry troop is hemmed in by Sioux, give me a call. I do a crappy Jimmy Stewart, so don’t expect much on that front. It’s a Big Boy in .44 Mag. The brass receiver goes nicely with my stainless 629.
5.Martini Henry used by all the Brits in Zulu. I’d love to claim Gunga Din as that’s a far better movie and they even throw in a cameo with Rudyard Kipling (I assume an actor playing him), but they got cheap and just used any old rifles in that movie. Still, they should have used Martini Henrys. It’s fun to shoot but it’s my hardest gun to aim. You pull the trigger and have to wait about 2 heartbeats for it to fire. Since ammo is either old .577/450 from the 50s for more than $3/shot or new stuff for more than $6/shot, I don’t fire it much. If your column is hemmed in by the other Indians, give me a call. I can even recite some Gunga Din while we’re doing it, but I do a crappy Cary Grant so don’t expect much on that front.
4. Sig Pro SP 2340 carried by Demi Moore in Mr. Brooks, hot gun, hot chick. What more could you want? It’s one of the ones I’ll carry when the Russians invade (more on that later). It’s more accurate than I am and it takes any ammo I get for it and always fires. I like the .40 S&W round so I never got the .357 Sig barrel for it, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I like new calibers, but that seems like a not really all that useful, expensive and hard to find round.
3.Coach gun used by Steve McQueen in The Magnificent 7, the greatest cowboy movie there is. I love my 12 gauge coach gun, even if it’s a GD commie gun made in the PRC. It has the cool, ornate hammers so it looks very old timey and it weighs a ton. When I call “Shotgun!”, I’m not kidding.
2. Nambu Type 14, used by George Takei in the Return from the River Kwai, Oh my. It’s as accurate as can be, at 60 feet is has a very tight group. The trigger feels pretty weird though. It feels as if it has rubber brands instead of springs. Cool gun but I can’t believe the Japanese actually thought it was a combat pistol. It’s a tiny bullet and you need two hands to take off the safety. Buffalo Arms sells the 8mm Nambu ammo for $1/round so it’s not overly ridiculous to shoot even though they’re the only ones I know of who sell that ammo.
1 .500 S&W magnum, I know, the movie came out before the gun and caliber were invented, but I’m counting Armed and Dangerous, John Candy called it a .50 cal pistol and it looked like just like my S&W. Since it’s my post and my list, I’m counting it. It’s my favorite handgun. It goes BOOOOOM! and is intimidating as hell just sitting there. My buddy and I once got “tactical” vests from Cheaper than Dirt (yes, alcohol was involved). The only time I wore it was the day it showed up. It has a belt with holster that straps to my leg. The holster is set up for this bad boy, if the Russians invade, they’ll probably have some vehicles that will need an application of 325 grains of 1/2″ lead, and with the two speed-loaders I have, I can bag a platoon of armored vehicles.
Don’t forget, Buy A Gun Day is tomorrow. It’s like Christmas only more boomy and instead of cutting down a tree, you shoot one.