Archive for September, 2012

This Cannot Stand

Posted: September 30, 2012 by socklessjoe in Brevity etc., FAIL, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Hotassery, Lame

Joanna Krupa is undersexed.

What is the world coming to?

Maybe it’s that vegan diet she probably has her fiance on.

I, for one, stand willing and ready to do my part to end this injustice.

Speech Ain’t So Free Anymore

Posted: September 29, 2012 by veeshir in I'm Afraid I Can't Blog That

We all know about our state religion and blasphemy laws, but I have a problem with another situation.

We have Blazing Saddles, rife with the MOST HORRIBLE WORD IN THE WORLD!!!1!!!!!, so that word is cut out. About 15 years ago they had cut out the farting scene for TV, now that’s back in but they’ve butchered the rest of the movie, I don’t even bother watching it on TV anymore, it just annoys me.  They’ve made it so the biggest point isn’t made anymore.

I substitute teach (math and science, I don’t talk about politics, I did make fun of the Day After Tomorrow), I was in a school and noticed that one kid was reading Huckleberry Finn, I picked it up and found that there was no one named Nigger Jim in the book, just some guy named “Jim”.  Geez, at least change it to “Slave Jim” or something. I forgot to check for Injun Joe, next time I see the book in a school I’ll check it out.

What do both things have in common? They’re about as anti-racist as you can get. In Blazing Saddles, the only people who use racist names are idiots and thugs, the townspeople become cool only after they stop being racist (although allowing the Irish in was a step too far IMO) while in Huck Finn, Nigger Jim shows he’s the best person in that whole damn town.

Now don’t get me wrong, I”m not saying I want to call people niggers, I’m saying that two of the most anti-racist things around have been butchered for PC bullshit.

And yet, here I am watching Pulp Fiction and hearing some seriously racist shit.

Heroin Dealer: Am I a nigger? Are we in Inglewood? No… You’re in my home. White people who know the difference between good shit and bad shit, this is the house they come to.

and of course,

‘Cause it ain’t there, ’cause storing dead niggers ain’t my fucking business, that’s why!

 

That’s some seriously racist shit, but since the movie is “cool” (they do heroin!!!!), and by Tarantino, I guess the rules that apply to anti-racists don’t apply.

Sometimes I just hate people.

I call those days, “Monday-Sunday”.

Obama bolsters National Security Cred

Posted: September 29, 2012 by Sean M. in News, Win!

In all of the partisan wrangling of an election year, I think it’s important to note when the good guys score a win against an Islamist terror group, so I’ll give credit where credit is due and say that Barack Obama did a great job here.

I would also like to hereby take this opportunity to denounce myself.

The secret to a long and happy marriage

Posted: September 28, 2012 by aliceaitch in Liberal FAIL, Vagina Squad Fail

So if I spend five minutes a week cleaning house, and Teh Hubby spends one minute a week cleaning house, we should be fine and dandy, amirite?

And what are the percentages on the marriages where the parents make the kids do all the housework while the parents sit on the couch and eat bonbons?

Thur ourta be a lawwww!!!!!

Posted: September 28, 2012 by doubleplusundead in Random Crap

At a store yesterday, got to listen to some old hippie rant about the fact that packaging on common items has stayed the same size, yet they now often contain less of said product and have stayed the same price or gone up, and dammit there oughta be a law, a federal law to make that illegal and hold these greedy corporations responsible!  Fully shouting this to some poor bastard and cashier in the line he was in, over and over, said hippie could be heard handily by at least a third of the store, I’d reckon, and my hearing is crap.  There’s a part of me that wanted to walk over, calmly call said hippie out on his obnoxious conduct and explain to him his economic ignorance.  That feeling quickly washed over, as we all know it’d be an exercise in futility.

So many people are like this, no logic, no grasp of even basic economics, and no desire to learn how the market works, why things are as they are.  Almost to a one, they call for more government intervention in areas where intervention is unnecessary.  It isn’t just liberal hippies either, I meet plenty of people on the right (or presumably so) that fall into this trap, particularly when it comes to outsourcing.  There’s a reason big government isn’t going away for a long time…unless it is, but then it isn’t going to be done willfully or peaceably.

At Ace’s we see the maker of the most horrible films of all time (no, not Ishtar) has been arrested. For “parole violations” (is that a new euphemism for “can be made a scapegoat by Obama?).

Why are he and his sycophants and thugs going after this guy so hard? Because if it was his fault it’s not al Quaeda’s.

It has all the hallmarks of an al Qaeda operation, including a way to hit first responders.

But Obama has killed al Qaeda, he personally strangled Osama and threw his body out the helicopter over the ocean, so therefore al Qaeda couldn’t have done it.

He needs to make us think he’s done something good, so Minitrue has to help him pretend it wasn’t al Qaeda, it was a spontaneous protest over some youtube movie.

Minitrue can’t talk about the economy, can’t talk about foreign policy, they’re reduced to attacking Romney for asking for extra dressing for his salad (taking it from the less fortunate) and hiding al Qaeda attacks in Benghazi.

 

About my last post, the Iowahawk link was old, I forget where I saw it but it was from 2006. I didn’t realize even though I had read it back then, I just assumed it was another in the series. Oh well, it was still funny.

I see the regular refs are back starting tonight. Look for egregious mistakes by them, they need the preseason to get into the groove too. I’m just wondering how it’ll be covered. I mean, how can ESPN now admit that the regular refs aren’t all that good. Certainly not enough better for all the angst I’ve seen this week. The worst part? The Giants are going to be in Philly just in time for the regular dick-sucking to commence. I also feel sorry for the Bears, they’re playing the Cowboys and what with the general dick-sucking of the Cowboys, the dick-beating of the Bears and the lack of practice by the regular refs, I look forward to one poorly officiated game where the Bears have little or no chance.

The crapblog needs a post, so I’ll do my part. I don’t really have any plan, I’ve had some sort of sore throat/fever thing going on since Saturday, so I’m not all that coherent either. Wish me luck.

First, when did Aaron Rogers become such a whiny bitch? I mean, I know both Harbaugh brothers are whiny, little punks, but Aaron Rogers?  I still think they made the right call. My favorite take on it was the MNF idjits, one of them said, “He had more possession”. You either have possession or not. Simultaneous possession goes to the offense. Suck it you whiny bitches.

You know who’s the most upset about replacement refs?  Green Bay, New England, Miami, Dallas and most especially Pittsburgh and Philly (Philly for home games only). The regular refs suck their dicks and now the new ones screw up randomly.

You know who’s happiest?  The Giants, Bears and anybody playing the above teams. Why? The regular refs fuck them up the ass all the time. Just to make it clear, I like the Steelers, Miami and occasionally New England, while I don’t like the Bears, so I’m not just saying those teams because I like them or hate them.

Last year the Bears had the best play. Hester is the best punt returner in the universe, so they sent him to the right and he stared up at the sky as if he was waiting for the ball, as another player sort of strolled casually to the left. Even the punter, who had to know where he punted the ball, ran toward Hester. The guy on the other side of the field, all alone, caught the ball and ran for a TD. The refs called some bullshit holding call. The Bears had no need to block as they wanted the other team (Packers as I recall) to go after Hester. Bullshit.

Enough of that bullshit.

Next we have the unfortunate events in the MidWest.

Like a pot of bratwurst left unattended at a Lambeau Field pregame party, simmering tensions in the strife-torn Midwest boiled over once again today as rioting mobs of green-and-gold clad youth and plump farm wives rampaged through Wisconsin Denny’s and IHOPs, burning Texas toast and demanding apologies and extra half-and-half.

The spark igniting the latest tailgate hibachi of unrest: a Texas newsletter’s publication of caricatures of legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi.

 

As usual, Iowahawk is pitch perfect. I especially like the fact that it’s some Texas guy’s newsletter that sparked it.

Now for something almost as funny as Iowahawk (in the endy sense). So Greece is totally screwed, they need to face reality and work to make sure their country doesn’t just go bankrupt. So what’s a Greek worker to do?

Greek workers have begun their first mass confrontation with Greece’s three-month-old coalition government, grounding flights, disrupting local transport and shutting public service offices….

Even tax collectors have said they will join in the action which has also closed archaeological sites, including the ancient Acropolis.

Well first off, you have to love that bit about tax collectors going on strike. Does the IRS have a union? Is there some way we can get them to go on strike?

But more importantly, we have a country that’s out of money and is whining at the EU about getting more money (no strings attached of course) so naturally, they make sure that they close down tourism and tax collection. That’s like shooting yourself in the foot but first putting your foot to your forehead.

Via Say Uncle we find this conundrum.

A pretty libertarian guy woke up to find a drunk guy he didn’t know asleep on his couch. See what he did and think of how you might have handled it differently.

I’m not sure what I would have done, I don’t think it would have involved guns or the police, I’m thinking more like sharpies and a camera. But then, I don’t have kids and I’m kind of an asshole.