doubleplusundead

Don’t get me wrong, I like reading Michael Z. Williamson, and I hesitate to write this but I feel I have to.

A Top Ten Manliest Guns list that is anything but.

10. SMLE. I like SMLE, and I agree it’s “Manly”, but not for the reason mentioned. He mentions that they’re called the “Smelly”, but that’s just to show how cool it (and he) is. He doesn’t mention the “Mad Minute”, where a Brit soldier could fire 30 aimed rounds in a minute. Now that’s manly. This gun belongs far higher on the list, certainly higher than the other bolt-action rifles.

9. Mosin/Nagant. No argument from me. It’s a manly gun for manly men and women with mustaches. I will say that if you mention those two you need to also mention the Mauser. I would prefer my Mauser to my Mosin. It’s heavier, made with heavy wood, and has a steel butt-plate that wouldn’t be very bad for teeth and other growing things.

8. Glock. Bwahahahahahah. Glock’s are okay, but extra manly? I mean, over and above the normal manliness of any gun. Nope. They’re manly for gangbangers who think their guns are their manhood. Guys who think it’s manly to have a ’9′. You know, the 9mm europellet. It’s like a real round only wimpy.

7. Swiss K98, he tells the story about the Swiss general saying that his million men would handle five million invaders by “firing 5 times and going home”. Sure the people who use the gun are manly, but my buddy has one, it’s certainly not more manly than a Mauser, Mosin or SMLE.

6.AK-47. Nope. Doesn’t belong on this list. In Africa it’s a “Boy’s first gun”. It’s undersized and not all that accurate. Not very manly, in other words.

5. Model 29. Eh, it’s manly but it’s only there because of Clint, and there’s a helpful pic in case you don’t remember. It’s not even the most manly S&W, it’s more like third at best. And I would suggest that a stainless one (like, oh, say mine) is more manly than the blued 29.

4.AR-15. Hmmmm, now I’m gonna have to commit heresy. No. It doesn’t belong there. It’s a useful weapon of war in its select fire version, but so far as a civilian semi-auto rifle is concerned, it’s…ummmmm….. underpowered. It looks cool, and he does note it can have different calibers, so that’s a mitigating factor, but it’s a .223 and the reason it’s so useful for war is because you can carry many more rounds than American 30 calibers  because  it’s select fire and you can go through rounds like crazy.

It’s kind of amusing he has a pic of a Hello Kitty, pink AR to illustrate it.

3.Remington 870 (shotgun), ummmmmm what? Seriously? Don’t get me wrong, I had an 870. I got it when I was 14 to hunt squirrels, I liked it a lot (20 gauge, that’s why I sold it long ago when I was broke in California), but…… Everybody knows the Mossberg 500 is far more manly. I mean, which is more manly, a hunting shotgun or a Marine-issued shotgun with bayonet mount?

2.1911 No arguments for it to be on the list, even this high.

1. Barret .50. Well, duh.

So what’s missing?

The .500 S&W. Seriously, that’s the manliest handgun ever (except for some home-made specials like the 12 gauge pistol).

And even more importantly, there’s no lever action. Seriously? Cowboys are among the top four manly men (firemen, astronauts and soldiers), and what did cowboys carry? Winchesters and Henrys.

A coach gun is far more manly than most of what’s on that list,  (except the .50BMG obviously).

Another manly gun? The Tommy Gun. Jeez, it’s as if he didn’t consider caliber at all.

No Garand? The very manliest gun of the last century (barring the .50 bmg) in one of the most manly calibers is not on that list?

Sigh, that depresses me, because I like Michael Z, but he was obviously just phoning that one in.

Maybe I’ll do a Veeshir’s Top-Ten Manly Guns post for BAG Day next year or maybe National Ammo day this year.

Via two of my favorite things, Hookers and Booze.