A Newer Testament For Moderner Man

Posted: February 19, 2013 by veeshir in Uncategorized

Just a few links today, I’m just not seeing anything too interesting. It’s all the same stuff.

Norks threatening to kill us all. The Arab Spring nations (and Syria) sinking into 2-10 sided civil wars. Russia acting tough. China attacking us while acting all “What?” and giving the Dems money so they’ll ignore it and acting tough in the South China Sea. Israel being called names. The Dems trying to take my freedom. I wrote that paragraph and the went to google news and typed in the terms. I knew what I would find because we’re seeing the same stuff. I hate writing the same post. I mean, there’s just so many times you can write about the Syrian civil war turning into Jihadi Vs. Fascist without getting bored.

The spiral is getting tighter. That’s usually the signal for the end when I’m flushing,

So we have that going for us.

Let’s see if we can find some funny.

This one definitely has some comedic aspects, but it also reinforces my idea for sensible gun control.

So some police were chasing a car, they cornered it and then more than 10 cops opened fire. They fired for 30 seconds. When the dust cleared, 140 shots were fired, the unarmed people in the car were dead and apparently, the cops had been firing at each other.

The last part is hilarious. Imagine their sheepish expressions when they realized they didn’t have to fire their guns. The people they were chasing sure had egg on their faces. And brains and hair and blood and glass I guess.

So what does that have to do with sensible gun control? After all, only the people who should have guns had guns in this morality play.

Police should be restricted to 2 round magazines, +1 in the chamber, when carrying.You can have regular capacity mags for reloading, but you have to carry a 2 round mag.

1st offense: Employment terminated

2nd offense: Didn’t you see the first offense?

3rd offense: Okay, now you’re just fucking with me.

4th offense: I’m ignoring you.

Those cops pretty much just emptied their magazines when someone started firing, that happens in a lot of police shootings. They’re not really trained like the military. They’re so hopped up on adrenaline and in a situation for which they obviously do not have enough training, that they act like dogs who, when one barks, all start barking.

They’re not sure why they’re barking (emptying their magazines), but there’s a reason!

If they need more than 3, they can reload.

I have to admit, this one is new even to me, it has one angering aspect.

Some prof at Columbia (tuition: arm, leg, first born, second born and indentured servitude for 20 years) is teaching quantum mechanics. He does so by:

Prof. Emlyn Hughes gave students a bizarre performance Monday, stripping down to his underwear as images of 9/11 and the Holocaust showed on a screen behind him.

But wait! He’s the Ronco of Profs. There’s still more!

Hughes remained in the fetal position on the floor as two people dressed as ninjas blindfolded two stuffed animals and impaled one of them with a sword.

Can’t teach quantum mechanics without the ninjas. I know, I saw it tried once and it wasn’t pretty.

So why did it make me angry? They said they had vid and I saw the name “Emlyn” and had high hopes the prof was hot. Alas, Emlyn is a man’s name.

This isn’t new, but it’s one of my favorite themes, where we export our values to other nations.

Headline

Egypt Struggles to Define ‘Free Speech’

Just like us!

This is another “not new“, but it still makes me laugh each and every time.

So some Democrat said something stupid about rape just like that guy Akin did and now ALL DEMOCRATS SHALL PAY!

It’s not just that they think Democrats are held to the same standards as Republicans, it’s that they think Democrats are held to any standards.

That’s just ignorant.

Eh, not much funny, so I figured I’d continue the trend and do something totally unfunny.

This one kind of scares me. I found a holy book of a religion and I’m going to write about it.
I just hope I’m not beheaded.

So what religious text do I have?The Bible? The Shastras? The Koran?

No, one even scarier to attack, the Crosse De Hockey! (King Obama version)

Yes, the Great Global Warmmongering Holy Texts! The Newer Testament for Moderner Man!

Not so surprisingly, it tracks fairly closely to the Bible, but that’s to be expected with a religion that so intolerantly and aggressively tracks with the Dark Ages Catholic Church.

From Genesis:

In The Beginning, there was Gaia.

And She was Good.

Gaia created time that there would be years to not pass budgets.

And it was Good.

On the first day, She created the Earth, the seas, the mountains, the plains, the Sun and the clouds, but told her followers to ignore the Sun and the clouds.

And it was Good.

On the second day She created the fish of the sea, the birds of the air and the non-flatulating ungulates of the Land.

And it was Good.

In time there were some who chafed under the strictures of Global Warmmongering. They questioned the Holy Writ. “How can it be warming when it is not warming?”

And there was war in Heaven. …..

(Redacted: The forces of Science! and Global Warmmongering were victorious over the anti-Science! Forces with their numbers and math)

And so the evil djinn, GOP, and his evil followers, the Tea Party, were thrown from Heaven to live in the Underworld.

And it was Good.

And so it came that GOP caused the ungulates of the land to be flatulent and perverted the pure Ape thus causing Man to appear to despoil the Earth.

And it was Bad.

So Gaia created Abortion that their numbers would be lessened.

And it was Good.

The evil GOP attempted to make Abortion only for before a baby was born.

And it was Bad.

So Gaia created Late Term Abortion.

And it was Good.

…..

From Exodus

(excerpt of a King Obama speech to the evil Pharoah, Capitalism, who had enslaved the Global Warmmongers)

“Let my people go!”

And it was Good.

……..

And so Gaia called Goracle to ascend the mountain, so the Goracle didst goest upon the mountain borne upon his Humvee and with his entourage in their flock of Humvees, Suburbans and Ford Earthfucker SUVs.

And it was Good.

Once upon the mountain, Gaia did givest unto Goracle 10 Commandments to teach the people how to live. And by ‘people’, Gaia meanest not the Important, merely the hoiest of the polloi.

And it was Good.

1.Thou shalt have no other Gods before Me. Except Obama.

2.“You shall make for yourself a Prius and worship it as you would Us.

3. You shall take the lever with the names of the Lords Your Masters.

4. Remember the Standard of Living, thou shalt keep it low.

5. Honor your Government and Your Celebrities, for they are better than you.

6. You shalt not murder. Unless it’s against people who make fur, because fur is murder.

7.You shall commit adultery. Unless you are a follower of GOP, and then thouest shall be shunned from all right-thinking society.

8.You shall steal from others to give to Government.

9.You shall bear false witness for Global Worming.

10. You shall covet and have Government take your neighbors goods.

Geez, if I’m not beheaded for that I’ll see if I can post some more.

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Comments
  1. Congratulations! You made QOTD over at Nazi Surf Kittens Must Die ;)

  2. And here I’ve just quoted readings ftom the Democrat Bible…like 1 Babylonians…

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