Archive for the ‘Fun With Media’ Category

A modest proposal

Posted: April 8, 2013 by Sean M. in Fun With Media, L.L.A.P.H., Liberal FAIL, Liberal Fascism, Moron of the Day, The Joys of Parenting
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You might have heard about some recent controversial comments made by MSNBC commentator and Tulane professor Melissa Harris-Perry regarding the rearing of children. Of course, since she’s on MSNBC, it’s entirely possible that you haven’t heard about these comments or about the existence of Ms. Harris-Perry in general, so I think I’ll let her speak for herself:
 

 
Now, among certain people (teabagging racists and the like, mostly) this has caused a bit of a stir. Again, I’ll let Ms. Harris-Perry tell you about it:

 
It’s nice to see that she’s not letting the critics get her down. That said, in spite of the fact that we should really be taking a hard look at notions of collective responsibility in this age of Shared Sacrifice™ there are some people who bitterly cling to their progeny even tighter than their guns or their religion. (See, again, racist teabaggers).
 
So I would like to propose that we start with something a tad less controversial. Namely, the bathroom. Specifically, her bathroom. Hear me out…
 
Melissa Harris-Perry has never invested as much in public restrooms as she should have because Melissa Harris-Perry has always had this notion that her bathroom belongs to her. She hasn’t had this collective notion that “This is our bathroom.” So, part of it is, she has to break through this notion that her bathroom belongs to her, or belongs to her family, and recognize that the bathroom belongs to the whole community. Once it’s the whole community’s responsibility, and not just the household’s, then she starts making better investments.
 
So there you go, Melissa. The ball is in your court. Oh, and we’re out of toilet paper, the crapper is clogged, the mirror is covered in graffiti, someone stole the taps from the sink, and there are a bunch of used condoms and needles in the corner.
 
Yeah.

Buy A Man A Veeshir And You’ve Given Him An Asshole

Posted: March 22, 2013 by veeshir in Exploding things, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, GOP FAIL, Jitardis, Kittehs!, Liberal Fascism, Mideast Madness, Nanny State, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault, PEBKAC
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Teach a man Veeshing and he’ll be hilariously OUTRAGED! for ever.

First we’ll do some hilarity.

Terrorists have a new Facebook page. Seriously? What do they do? Suicide bomb Farmville?

Even funnier, terrorists have hacked the BBC’s weather twitter account. Al Gore hardest hit.

Now some endy that ain’t funny at all.

Lebanon is fucked. Sunni V Shiite in Tripolis is getting out of hand.

Deadly clashes erupted once again in Lebanon’s troubled northern city of Tripoli after simmering sectarian tensions boiled over into a melee of violence that has seen snipers fatally shoot people amid explosions and heavy gunfire.

Truck bombs on the way. Poor bastids.

A little hope in Egypt, Egyptians getting sick of Islamist assholes.

n two notable incidents in the northern province of Alexandria and the province of Suez, citizens beat bearded men who tried to impose their presence on the streets in order to preserve security. When the men tried to yell at women for what they saw as indecent clothing and threatened them with punishment if they ever wore those clothes again, the women yelled back at them and started hitting them with their shoes before passersby rallied, caught some of bearded men and beat the ones who were too slow to escape.

I’d be more on their side if they weren’t fine with it when the jihadis were killing Copts, but now that they’re going after eveybody else, well, that’s beyond the pale.

The Muslim Brotherhood is having problems in Cairo too.

Several thousand opponents of Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood clashed with supporters of the Islamist group near its headquarters in Cairo on Friday

I’m rooting for them, take your revolution back before you live in some Islamist shithole where not having a beard and listening to music is verboten.

 

Speaking of poor bastids, ethnic problems in Burma.

Myanmar has declared martial law in four central towns following unrest between Buddhists and Muslims that has left at least 20 people dead.

Agitated crowds of Buddhists were still roaming the streets and several neighbourhoods were still on fire or smouldering after hundreds of Muslims were forced to flee for their lives.

 

How pissed off do you have to make Buddhists to get them be all violent?

Not sure if this is good or bad, but it’s change.

The people of Turkey are digesting the historic statement from jailed rebel leader Abdullah Ocalan, who called for a PKK ceasefire on March 21….

“From now on the principles of the Turkish state could be different. It’s a process of creating a new constitution.

Maybe even some hope. I’m rooting for them, the Kurds just keep getting fucked.

Another case of exporting our values.

Most Ukrainians see their parliament representatives only once in four years — during the election campaign. But soon after getting elected, many deputies forget about accountability.

Just like ours!

My posts have been all disjointed so I’m trying for structure, this case of an unintentionally accurate headline is where we seg our ue to America.

Obama cements his symbolic support of Israel

Symbolic is absolutely correct, cuz he doesn’t support them in any other way.

This is one of those “Needs a different headline” stories.

US plan calls for more scanning of private Web traffic, email

Alternate headline: “Veeshir to put Fuck You DHS, NSA, FBI, CIA in the subject line of every email”

In more, “We’re fucking assholes” news, Via Weasel Zippers, we see some GOPers going for headlines and Democrats refusing to even symbolically say they’re against crushing America.

It would have sent the budget back to the Budget Committee until Saturday with instructions to make it balance by 2023.

They’re refusing to say they’ll balance the budget in 13 years. First, anything but this year is calling me an idiot as future Congresses will not be bound by this stupidity, second, seriously? Democrats don’t feel the need to even pretend they give a shit about fiscal sanity?

I mean, we’re going to be utterly fucked by 2023 so the budget will either be balanced by reality or we’ll all be serfs living in a EUnuchstania-like  EUtopia so this utterly symbolic thing was stupid from the get-go, but at least pretend to care.

In, We’re Running Out Of Money news, Paramus, NJ (shopping haven) is fining folks for leaving their lights on after dark.

-Businesses in Paramus, New Jersey are getting tickets when they leave their sign lights on….

“We’ve been her for 25 years and never had an issue,” Billard says.

They’re broke, tread carefully as they become creative about getting blood from your stones.

So the GOP has been trying to figure out what to do to be more palatable as a choice, so they’ve decided that the most important GOP presidential candidate to be like is…. Mike Fucking Huckabee!

Priebus cited former governor Mike Huckabee of Arkansas as an example of someone who could be “a model for a lot of people in our party”

Seriously? If you were saying that to say, “Get the fuck out of politics and get a job as blow-dried telemprompter reader” I’d respect it, but he’s not. He thinks the candidate that was worse than both McCain and Romney is their fucking model.

So, still pissed off at me for saying Fuck the GOP I’m voting 3rd party instead of throwing my vote away?

Cold Fury just keeps harshing my mellow, and my mellow isn’t very yellow as it is. At least this one has some seriously hilarity.

Florida professor and high-ranking member of the Palm Beach County Democratic Party recently instructed his students to take out a piece of paper, write “JESUS” on it, then put it on the floor and stomp on it – and the Mormon student who refused to do so, calling the assignment morally offensive – was suspended….

In an emailed statement the university sent to CBS, campus officials stated “faculty and students at academic institutions pursue knowledge and engage in open discourse. While at times the topics discussed may be sensitive, a university environment is a venue for such dialogue and debate.”

Dialogue does not seem to mean what they think it does. Kid tried to introduce another viewpoint and they suspended him as they proudly talked about dialogue. That’s fucking funny. You know, so long as you’re not the kid who’s paying $thousands a year to go there.

 

In my life eggs have been good for you and bad for you, alternatingly, too many times to count. Ditto bacon, vino and sharp sticks in the eye… way, check that last one.

So has salt. I have an alternate take on this one though.

One in 10 Americans dies from eating too much salt, the researchers found.

Salt, necessary for human life is bad for you! If that were true, then NJ would be depopulated. Seriously, I’ve never met any people who put more salt on everything.

Some illustrations.

A little early for Caturday, but I might be busy tomorrow so I’m posting it today.

Via Tim Blair’s cat post we see this bit of evil hilarity.

 

catrug

Although, it just doesn’t seem as impressive as a bear skin rug. How can you brag about how it was about to bit your toes when you took it.

 

This is genius, I’m going to have to get one to go with my Gadsden Flags.

times_up_flag_z

 

You know, cuz time’s pretty darn close to up.

Have fun everybody and don’t forget, if you’re not hilariously OUTRAGED!!!! you’re just not Veeshing.

 

 

Round The Tubes: Nice To See Ember Back!

Posted: March 20, 2013 by veeshir in Anklebiting rugrats, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Nanny State, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault, You'll pry 'em from my cold dead hands
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Hey Ember, thanks for a needed post, good work.

Just make sure you tell all your friends to wipe their feet.

 

Finally! A brutal dictator I can get behind!

I forgive women for their lesbianism,” he said. “But I will never in my lifetime forgive men for being gay.

 

I mean, if it weren’t for the murdering and the oppressing and the stealing and the viciousness.

 

More murderous hilarity via the Jawas, I recall people saying one of the problems before 9/11 was the easy way Saudi Nationals could just enter our country with an easy visy plan.

A Department of Homeland Security program intended to give “trusted traveler” status to low-risk airline passengers soon will be extended to Saudi travelers,

 

But I thought profiling was bad?!!?!?!

 

Via iOwn the World, we see this bit of classlessness from our classless in chief.

Notice right at the end he gives Chuck Todd the finger. Now, don’t get me wrong, the guy deserves it. But have some class you asshole.

I saw part of that press conference, I bet a dollar Netanyahu said some thing Obama didn’t want him to say, like saying we are both going to go after Iran. Stuff Obama can’t now say, “I never said that.”

I say that cuz Obama’s not that bright and the last time they got together Netanyahu made him look stupid.

 

Eh, I’m not all that in the mood to pay attention to overseas, it’s just too depressing.

So let’s go to the US where’s it’s freaking hilariously depressing.

It’s a good thing what happened in Cyprus could never happen here!

California’s top-end taxpayers — already steamed over a recent hike in the nation’s highest state income tax — are now fuming over a new $120 million retroactive tax grab on small business owners.

That’s funny. “We need more money so we’re changing the tax code retroactive to 2008. The funniest part? They’re charging them interest on the money they’re stealing.

 

In Dems Behaving Normally news, via iOwn the World (again) we see a story that has all the intertubes memes we expect.

First, it’s a story of a Dem politician being better than we are.

An elected official for the City of Everett is accused of berating a child with special needs while dining at the Texas Roadhouse located in Everett on March 6.

 

Don’t you know who I am!

The spokesman claims Matewsky left without paying his bill and even threatened to have the health department shut the restaurant down.

But wait! There’s still more!

Matewsky denies that the incident ever happened and that the allegations are politically motivated…..

Matewsky has since reportedly apologized to the restaurant’s staff.

 

I didn’t do it! he says after he apologizes. Of course that’s not the end, they don’t write his name as, “Matewsky (D)” at all (as would have been in the headline if he had that (R)) and only have this in the 9th of 10 paragraphs

Matewsky, a 30-year veteran of Everett politics, topped four other Democrats

 

Eh, at least they did kinda mention it even if it was after most people had stopped reading.

 

I have to admit that I’m impressed. The headline threw me off, I had written this part before reading it because I expected them to act as if Obama xecutively ordering shit is a new thing, but they didn’t. This is actually a piece of journalism.

Now, as he launches his second term, Obama has grown more comfortable wielding power to try to move his own agenda forward, particularly when a deeply fractured, often-hostile Congress gets in his way.

 

Then they list a bunch of stuff that I knew and some I had tried to repress.

That’s what I get for clicking links.

 

Actions have consequences, Colorado passed their, “Magpul’s products are illegal here” law so Magpul is leaving

Good for them.

Via Say Uncle, Oreo Gun! You can use it for hunting elephants and Rosie O’Donnel.

Round The Tubes: Crappy Internet Connection!

Posted: March 18, 2013 by veeshir in Anklebiting rugrats, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, GOP FAIL, GOP Win!, Liberal Fascism, Nanny State, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault
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Edition.

Man, wordpress loads slower than shit with a crappy connection. I tried doing this post 5 hours ago but I got tired of watching WordPress “new post” load and load and load….. and yes, I tried that shitty, Chrome browser too. It was just as shitty.

So here’s the delayed tubes! So you’ve probably seen it before, oh well. Pretend it’s earlier.

Some headline fun.

Weiner blames everything but his weiner!
Weiner is still fuming over his downfall, and he blames Nancy Pelosi,” said a source

That Cyprus deal just got more interesting. Apparently, Cyprus is where Russian mobsters keep their money.

Russian citizens account for the majority of the billions of euros deposited and Russian banks are also heavily exposed to the island as a offshore centre for big business

That’s not going to make Tsar Putin I happy. Those people pay him good money for protection and if there’s one thing a Bond villain takes seriously, it’s his evil responsibilities.

The only problem I have with linking ninme is that I have no idea what the hell a ninme is but I do know a ninme does find good links.
Children Around The World With Their Most Prized Possessions.
Some very cool, some just freaking depressing.

This one makes me laugh, apparently Sid Blumenthal had his account hacked and some emails to Hillary! (she’s getting her ! back!) were taken and being distributed.
First, we all know a lot of “journalists” will try to ignore the emails because I’m sure they make Hillary! look bad. But what makes me laugh is this bit

Blumenthal told TSG that when he attempted to access his e-mail yesterday morning, he could not successfully log in. He then contacted an AOL representative

Seriously? AOL.sucks? That’s fucking hilarious. These are our best and brightest.

A drudgetaposition

Rand Paul says we should read bills before we vote on them and hey, let’s work on that liberty thing.
Kristolnacht: Rand Paul too old for the GOP.

Philly mag article tries to start a dialogue on race.

But this is how I see it: We need to bridge the conversational divide so that there are no longer two private dialogues in Philadelphia—white people talking to other whites, and black people to blacks—but a city in which it is okay to speak openly about race. That feels like a lot to ask, a leap of faith for everyone. It also seems like the only place to go, the necessary next step.

Look before you leap, or in this case, shut up before you leap.

Meanwhile, when I drive through North Philly to visit my son, I continue to feel both profoundly sad and a blind desire to escape.

Though I wonder: Am I allowed to say even that?


No, you’re not.

Mayor Nutter calls the article’s tone “disgusting,” and he’s asked the Human Relations Commission to investigate some of the sensitive racial issues explored in the piece.

Yeah, that “dialogue” race hustlers keep talking about? It’s all about how the white man is evil and we need to give the Revs Al and Jesse and all the other race hustlers money to make it better.

Remember when the LAPD were running around shooting anything that looked like a truck when they were chasing the crazed cop-killing cop?

Well apparently it’s your fault for driving a truck that looked nothing like the truck they were chasing.

The two newspaper delivery women who were shot at during the manhunt for Christopher Dorner will not be getting a new replacement truck as promised by the LAPD

Assholes.

Good Cop.

Weld County Sheriff John Cooke told The Greeley Tribune that Democratic lawmakers are scrambling after recent mass shootings, and the bills are “feel-good, knee-jerk reactions that are unenforceable.”

The sheriff said he “won’t bother enforcing” the laws because it would be impossible for officers to keep track of how the requirements are being met by gun owners — and he and other sheriffs are considering suing the state to block the measures if they are signed into law.

Bad Cop.

More than 300 people were issued citations for public drinking.

And we find that 244 were cited in 2012, and 148 in 2011… Why, it’s almost like they discovered that there was gold in handing out citations for drinking! And, surprise of surprises… When the police go out and actively seek out people to ticket for public drinking, they find more crimes being committed…

Many (most? All?) places treat police as revenue generators instead of peace officers.

Via From The Barrel Of A Gun we see state ranks on gun freedom. The only thing that bothers me is that it’s a 51 page slideshow. I never click that stupid shit so if someone else does, let me know where AZ falls, I bet it’s in the top 5.

We’ll end on some NYC hilarity.

Good News! They’re building affordable housing in NYC!

Well, there is one catch.

so long as developers of housing along the toxic Gowanus can keep out the bright-green canal water.

Heh.

To bad Bloomberg didn’t have anything to do with Brooklyn or he might have something to do besides take pitchers of soda from tables of children.

Damn The Tubes! Full Typos Ahead!

Posted: March 17, 2013 by veeshir in China, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, GOP FAIL, HAHAHAHAHAA!!!!, Jitardis, Liberal Fascism, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault, Teh Funneh, Vagina Squad Fail, You'll pry 'em from my cold dead hands
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A drudgetaposition

DHS buying $9 million worth of guns from H&K and Sig

DHS hiring!

Now, I defended CPAC for not inviting people like Christie, but I am pretty upset about GOProud.

As Eric asks, Is Breitbart’s ghost uninvited?

Quoth Breitbart

“If being conservative means rejecting gay conservatives because they are gay, then fine, I’m not a conservative.”

It’s their party, but people afraid of gay cooties really need to get a grip. Everybody knows girls are where cooties come from.

Now, I hate trusting a Minitrue outlet, but I don’t think they’d actually alter a transcript, you never know but this feels right.

Boehner from ABC’s This (is) Weak

MARTHA RADDATZ: So, do you trust President Obama?

SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER: Absolutely….. There’s no issue there. We have a very, very– good relationship.

Fuck.

But it gets better.

SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER: We do not have an immediate debt crisis.

Double fuck.

SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER: Well, I think– most people would think that I’m part of the common-sense caucus.

By “most people”, I assume he’s talking about his staff and GOP tools who hate wacko birds.

I could quote this fucking thing all day, but I’ll end on a hilarious note

SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER:…The Senate is likely to finish their budget– after– the Easter recess.

Listen, there aren’t enough “ha”s in the world for that “bwa” so I don’t want to use them up on something so fucking stupid.  They’re already doing more continuing spending $trillions resolutions.  Those are much better than budgets, they don’t have deficit spending or earmarks. At least, everybody can pretend they don’t and really, that’s all that matters.

In Fuck You Minitrue News, a puppy blender link quoting The Hill. (I don’t link Minitrue if I can avoid it)

“A growing number of states are moving forward with legislation to exempt them from new federal gun controls and, in some cases, brand as criminals anyone who tries to enforce them. While many of the bills are considered symbolic or appear doomed to fail, the legislative explosion reflects a backlash against legislative and regulatory efforts in Washington to tamp down on gun violence.”

Fuck you, it’s not about reducing gun violence, it’s about control, it’s about making citizens into subjects and you assholes know it, you just keep pushing your fucking view at every chance.

So what does it say when I see the ‘Justice” Dept. is investigating the Wall Street Journal and my first thought is, “How did they piss off Obama?”

said it had received information from a person it described as a whistleblower who claimed one or more Journal employees had provided gifts to Chinese government officials in exchange for information, according to people familiar with the case.

First, so fucking what? If they want to pay for information, why is that Obama’s….. oh yeah, Chinese bribes.

Nevermind.

Another Weasel Zippers link that would be fucking hilarious if it weren’t as we they were fucking with us over the SEQUESTER THAT’S GONNA KILL US ALL!!!!!.

The federal government is spending $227,437 to investigate how animals have been depicted in National Geographic magazine over a span of 120 years, which federal officials say is an “innovative study” that will examine “images of animals to see how people have changed their view of the natural world.”

… “Predators like wolves and coyotes have been consistently portrayed as a threat.

Gee, too bad they don’t make people think coyotes are all fluffy and friendly and stuff. I mean, who wouldn’t want their kids wanting to pet a vicious carnivore that’s one of the more opportunistic killers and lives in and near people areas? Sure jerks like my neighbor who lost his dog and chickens to the coyotes might be unhelpful about that, but that’s cuz he’s not as smart as bureaucrats in DC.

Okay, three more chucklers to end the day.

First, “Crazed Man Dressed As Vagina Shuts Down Pro-Life Speech” I will say, the story delivers on the headline. His mom isn’t very good at sewing.

Second, a little global warmmongering hilarity.

The estimates – given with 75 per cent and 95 per cent certainty – suggest only a five per cent chance of the real temperature falling outside both bands.

But when the latest official global temperature figures from the Met Office are placed over the predictions, they show how wrong the estimates have been, to the point of falling out of the ‘95 per cent’ band completely…

Do tell.

The funniest part, for me, is people scratching their heads and thinking that maybe other people who say the same phenomenon causes heat, cold, drought, floods, oyster herpes and the Earth exploding might just be making shit up.

And last, a quiz. I guaran-damn-tee nobody, and I mean nobody, gets the answer.

Who wrote this bit of poetry? (Link below so you can’t cheat, I took this from the middle because there are some words that might give a clue)

I am a supplicant for a goblet of wine
from the hand of a sweetheart.”

“O Friend, I have become captivated
by the mole over your lip.
I have seen your languid eyes
and I have become sick.”

“Place a strand of your wavy hair in my way.

In white ink, so you’ll have to highlight it.

Sayyid Ruhollah Mostafavi Musavi Khomeini

That’s right, the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomenei,

As the author says

Apparently the same guy who issued a deadly fatwa against Salman Rushdie and his ‘Satanic verses’; the same guy who has written a mini guide for good Muslim pedophiles on how to have sexual pleasure from a baby among other atrocities;  has also written poetry on wine, love, taverns, drunkenness and languid eyes

Did you get it? Of course not.

Must have been his Paris days.

Links Of The Day, Clearing The Tabs

Posted: March 14, 2013 by veeshir in Catholicism, FAIL Britannia!, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Liberal Fascism, Nanny State, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault, This Is My BOOMSTICK!, Transportation Stupidity Assholes
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A couple of NY Post links that don’t include either maniacs or cannibals. (I know)

So a kid with a gun was shot by police in Brooklyn, so there have been mostly peaceful protests going on.

A police officer was smashed in the face with a brick and 50 people were arrested as unrest over a teenager shot dead by cops continued to plague a Brooklyn neighborhood last night.

Mostly peaceful. I don’t know the circumstances, but I do know that the kid had the gun illegally. I have seen quotes from relatives who said he was trying to turn the gun in, I assume he was going to do so after choir practice and before volunteering an orphanage.

In “My Job Is Too Hard” news, we see the TSA explaining that they’re useless and should be disbanded.

The TSA whined yesterday that it’s just too darn hard for agents to find bombs — unless the terrorists use explosives straight out of a Loony Tunes cartoon.

 

 

Think that’s harsh?

“It’s not like they’re using a cartoonish bundle of dynamite with an alarm clock strapped to it,” Bob Burns of the TSA Blog Team posted on the agency’s Web site.

I understand, you’re too incompetent and the whole dept. should be disbanded.

In How Dare You Trust My Employers hilarity, Tom Maguire notices this hilarity.

Quoth Paul Krugman

OK, I’m an evil person — and my scheming has paid off.

On Friday I started hearing from friends about a fake story making the rounds about my allegedly filing for personal bankruptcy; I even got asked about the story by a reporter from Russian television, who was very embarrassed when I told him it was fake. But I decided not to post anything about it; instead, I wanted to wait and see which right-wing media outlets would fall for the hoax.

And Breitbart.com came through!

 

Tom notices something that apparently that uber-evil genius didn’t.

Those silly righties! Left unmentioned at Krugman’s blog – Breitbart lifted the story from the website of the Boston Globe, a NY Times company. I think it is kind of funny that the Times organization was duped about the bankruptcy of their own columnist…

As are we all Tom, as are we all.

In “Word of the Year” news, we see this word “austerity” that used to mean “living within your means” but now apparently means something about raising taxes to afford how you want to live.

Don’t believe me? In a story about Qatar cutting off Egypt as they’re running out of food, fuel and goats for escort services, they talk about the IMF demanding Austerity.

A $4.8 billion grant from the IMF could stanch the bleeding, but it requires Egypt to accept austerity measures.

Is there now an International Journolist that is coordinating the use of that word?

Relatedly, France and Britain has decided they will arm jihadis caught in the global downturn.

France has joined Britain by indicating it may be ready to break ranks with the rest of the EU and question the utility of the arms embargo for the Free Syrian Army.

That’s pretty funny, they’ve disarmed their own populace as they’re arming jihadis.

 

I love tilting at windmills, it doesn’t do any good by itself, but if we can get enough people doing it we’ll get rid of the scourge of polluting windmills. Or something, I don’t know. Just read this and stop expecting me to make sense.

Just how bad are some of our members of Congress?

29 members have been accused of spousal abuse, 7 have been arrested for fraud, 19 have been accused of writing bad checks, 117 have bankrupted at least 2 businesses, 3 have been arrested for physical assault, 71 have such bad credit that they can’t even qualify for a credit card, (yet with their special clearance as a member of Congress they get an Amex card without having a credit check.) 14 have been arrested on drug related charges, 8 have been arresting for shoplifting, and at least 84 members of Congress have been stopped for drunk driving but subsequently let go once they showed they were members of Congress.

That’s our Congress!

Okay, this one makes me laugh. Ed Schutz is being demoted at MSNBC,  no not fore being too leftist

Chris Hayes will take over the 8 p.m. time slot on MSNBC in the next month, the channel announced on Thursday morning, the day after the current host of that hour, Ed Schultz, said he was moving from the weekdays to the weekends.

 

So who is Chris Hayes?

The same Chris Hayes who on Memorial Day said he was “uncomfortable” calling fallen American soldiers “heroes.”

I figure Ed was demoted because he kept getting caught doctoring video.

In, Ummm Dude? We Had One Revolution Over Just That Issue Already news, Bill Gates explains why we need to be more like the British.

Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, the wealthiest American, said on “some days” he wishes the U.S. political system were like England’s,

Seriously, the US Constitution was created to fix the problems with the British system.

Speaking of the Constitution, we see that Feinstein’s “What 2nd Amendment” bill was voted out of committee so our fine, GOP betters can get on with taking my guns.

 

Last, no linky, but does anybody know which Saint Francis the new pope named himself after? I ask because I keep seeing people say that he named himself after St. Francis without explaining which one.

Shep Smith, who is obviously wholly ignorant of the Catholic Church, kept saying, “He named himself after Saint Francis”, so I kept saying, “Which St Francis you fucking moron?”( I have a low opinion of Shep).

I then saw him say at one point something about that St. Francis being a Jesuit, so Francis Xavier.

Later, I was watching something else on Fox for a few minutes when I saw the scroll along the bottom saying, “…named after St Francis of Assisi.”

I understand Shep is lazy, stupid and so very ignorant so I shouldn’t pick on him, but if Foxnews is going to send someone so ignorant to cover the Catholic Church, couldn’t they at least have provided him with a producer who knows something about the Catholic Church?

Happy Pi Day!*

Posted: March 14, 2013 by veeshir in Fun With Media, Hotassery
2

mary-louiseesquire2

 

Only one link, I doubt anybody will notice it anyway.

 

Via Say Uncle (who I didn’t h/t earlier) we see Fun With Headlines.

Actual Headline: Dad finds loaded gun, ammo near MTSU campus
Accurate Headline: Drunk finds Police Officer’s utility belt, complete with all equipment, in ditch.

There are more, I don’t want to steal the whole post.

 

*Yeah, it’ an hour early. Shouldn’t you be looking at some hotassery?

 

Round the Tubes: Oyster Herpes and Telekinetic Squirrels Edition!

Posted: March 13, 2013 by veeshir in FAIL, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Liberal Fascism, Mideast Madness, Nanny State, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault, You'll pry 'em from my cold dead hands
11

It’s hard to take what’s going on seriously just as it’s hard not to get fucking OUTRAGED!!!! at what’s going on.

I’d call it “cognitive dissonance”, but there’s not a lot of cognition going with the dissonating.

As Rachel Lucas says,

It is to the point that writing about the news is like writing about telekinetic squirrels.

In other words, it can’t possibly even be real, so writing about it feels creepy, pointless, and silly.

I’ve noticed that Certain People think that because I am not on American soil, I might not be aware of U.S. news. I keep telling those people that I have the internet. Sadly for me, I’m indeed following all the crazy shit going on, and the only reason I don’t blog about it six times a day is because IT IS INSANE, OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL?

 

I’m with you. But I’m pretty creepy, I love pointless and you have to accept the silly with the scary.

Take this.

The talking heads’ twittering excitement over the Dow is hilarious. “Can the economy be this strong while unemployment is still high?” they ask.

When gas is up, it’s inflation. When bread and milk is up, it’s inflation. When gold is up, it’s inflation. When the average price of anything goes up, it’s a sign of inflation…

Except stocks. When the average price of stocks goes up, it’s because the economy is strong.

*facepalm*

 

Don’t think too hard about it, that way lies brain damage. Repeated facepalms can do that.

 

Publicola is tracking the CO “let’s hassle the law-abiding” shit, it’s in a few posts so you’ll have to scroll. One bit.

HB 1224 passed 34-30 with 1 rep excused. That’s the magazine capacity limit bill….

HB 1224 now heads to the governor’s desk. Again if I’m not mistaken, if the governor does not sign within 2 weeks of final passage a bill will become law. Hickenlooper can sign it into law, or just sit back and do nothing. He’d have to actively veto it to stop it. So if he does not veto it, Colorado will have a magazine ban effective July 1rst of 2013.

 

Let’s jerk law-abiding people around and make it take 6 extra seconds to fire 30 rounds at the range while sending jobs and people out of state!

 

This is hilarious.

Illegal immigrants have started surrendering to local Border Patrol agents after crossing the Rio Grande, convinced they’ll be released by Immigration and Customs Enforcement,

Do you realize our Border Patrol people are now doubling as coyotes? Telekinetic squirrels indeed.

 

In News Of The Expected, a few days ago we saw Syrian terrorists getting active in the Golan Heights, so what’s a blue-helmeted peacekeeper to do?

The UN has halted peacekeeping patrols in the Golan Heights amid fears that fallout from the Syrian war

Listen, they’re keepers of the peace, they don’t get involved in fighting.

 

I love this one. So the oligarchs of the EU decided on a budget and sent it to the EUnuch Parliament.

MEPs have rejected the EU budget deal agreed by leaders last month….

Dublin believes a deal will be done within months.

 

Months.  Let’s say they’re off by a year or two, that still means they’ll be ahead of us in actually having a budget.

 

I keep hearing Beppe Grillo is the next Mussolini, I figure he’s Chimpino Grillolini. Why? The picture they use is one of him yelling, which lets you know he’s bad. Also this bit

Since then, the country has been in a state of political paralysis as Mr Grillo refuses to contemplate a power-sharing deal with the centre-Left Democratic party.

The platform of his party was that he would refuse to work with any other party. So they’re upset with his keeping the central platform of his party.

As for fascism, it’s based on fasces, which are the bundles of sticks the Romans used which is/was a symbol of “working together”. He’s also claiming the EU is just waiting to recoup some of their investments in Italy before they drop Italy.

When that happens, he’ll be blamed. Count on it.

 

I love this one too. So NYC has a rat problem, just like any other hundreds of year old city with moldering, decaying sections, docks and underground areas, so they’re looking to fix it. A laudable goal, too bad it’s NYC pols who are in charge.

They’re going to sterilize female rats, which will mean they’re going to spread sterilizing stuff around the city.

I don’t know exactly how that’s going to fuck things up, but I do know that it will fuck things up and it won’t sterilize all the rats so all it will do is fuck things up without actually solving the problem. It will require a fix for whatever that fix fucks up.

 

Today’s “Here, this’ll fool the rubes” via SondraK.  OFA, the people who sell access to Obama, have this to say.

We are not a partisan organization; we will hold both Republicans and Democrats accountable to ensure that they are advancing the agenda endorsed by the majority of the American people. We are not a political organization…

 

Non-partisan suckers of Obama dick. Some work the shaft harder than others.

 

Via Cold Fury we see James Lileks getting intemperate.  No, really, James “I’m the nicest, most pleasant guy in the world” fucking Lileks. He’s talking about Piers Morgan explaining to us dim Americans how it’s a mayor’s job to make us do the stuff he thinks is best.

Not “encourage.” Not “exalt.” Not “inspire by example.” MAKE. It’s always MAKE with these people. If you can’t make people do things, how are you going to get anything done? That Volga Canal isn’t going to dig itself, you know.

(Sorry. Reducto ad Stalin.)

 

That’s an eddiebear rant with extra fucksickles from him.

 

I’ve seen some people getting upset about this, once again leave it to me to be all contrarian and shit.

The Obama administration is drawing up plans to give all U.S. spy agencies full access to a massive database that contains financial data on American citizens and others who bank in the country, according to a Treasury Department document seen by Reuters.

You know they’re already doing it, for once Obama is practicing the transparency he preached.

 

I wrote about the firefight (including automatic weapons and hand grenades) in a Mexican town on the Texas border. Nobody is covering it. Not CNN, not the NY Times, nobody in Minitrue has touched it. Here’s a google news search for “Reynosa”, the town where it happened.

‘Four trucks filled with bodies’ after Reynosa firefight
Monitor‎ – 1 day ago
REYNOSA — Fear and panic filled the streets of Reynosa on Sunday night as rival gunmen battled during a three-hour firefight that saw …
Gulf Cartel Rivals Battle In Reynosa kurv
all 4 news articles »

All four articles. Seriously? Machine guns and hand grenades in a city on the border with Texas and 4 articles on the front page in English?

So the point, an interesting article.

A higher percentage of journalists in Mexico suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than among correspondents who covered the conflicts in the Middle East, Bosnia, Chechnya or Rwanda.

Yeah, I bet. When Mexican cartels kill you, your dog ,your family and your milkman for reporting on them, well, that’s kinda traumatic.

A little hilarity,

But the Mexican government, the health authorities and even media outlets themselves still aren’t taking measures to protect reporters.

That’s because they’re too busy hiding it.

 

I have reason to wonder about the reliability of Breitbart, but this article feels right.

The U.S will take part in deliberations over the U.N. Arms Trade Treaty (ATT) starting on March 18.

When the treaty was last debated–July 2012–the U.S. joined Russia, Indonesia, and India in saying they needed more time to think about it. Then, the very day after Obama was re-elected, “the U.S. Mission to the U.N. made clear its support for renewed ATT negotiations.”

And by “feels right”, I mean, “It feels like a hot poker up the ass.”

 

The Things That Bother Veeshir.

I have a package coming via UPS (For the record, I hate UPS and have for over 20 years, they almost never get my package to me ontime or easily, my favorite was when they delivered my package to the same street in another town and the girl asked me if I knew my address.)

So I checked their “package tracking” deal and saw this. See if you can see why it bothers me.

Scheduled Delivery:

Monday, 18/03/2013, By End of Day

 

That’s how fucking furriners write dates, not muricans. It’s 3/18/2013.

I know, petty. But it’s the little things that bother me the most. I’ve in denial on as much of the big stuff as I can be.

 

I promised you oyster herpes and I delivers what I promises!

The incurable, deadly virus is, however, alarming fishing communities in Europe, where oyster herpes seems to be spreading—and could go on spreading as seas continue to warm, experts say.

It’s funny how in the midst of a cooling spell, all this warmening is going to KILL US ALL!!!!!!!!

Via the semi-complete Great Global Warmmongering List (I say “semi-complete” because nobody can track all the idiocies and ridiculosities they claim)

Don’t send this article to anybody you know in NYC, they might try to fix the rat problem by giving them herpes.

Actually, check that. Send it. What happens in NYC is good for comic relief now that I live 2,500 miles away.

Funny or Endy? You Make The Call!

Posted: March 11, 2013 by veeshir in China, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, GOP FAIL, Liberal Fascism, Nanny State, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault, PEBKAC
9

There will be a test.

Important, Above The Post Update!

BradXTC went and did something for which he can not be forgiven, he looked into an OUTRAGE!!!! without being OUTRAGED!!!!! and it looks as if the “Bronze Star for the PPT” story is not as OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!!! as I thought.

So thanks to MkeD nobody gets extra-credit. He blew the curve too. You can all thank him.

Oh, and MikeD? Listen, when I get OUTRAGED!!!!! I really don’t like to hear facts. Jeez, that’s what I get for reading comments and clicking links.

Now back to the post!

1. Matt Yglesias (pronounciation, mawr-on) loves him some Death To Israel!

The key to the interpretation is found in the crucial four words that are often tacked on to the phrase “Israel’s right to exist” — namely, “… as a Jewish state.” As I understand it, the principle that Israel has a right to exist as a Jewish state has three parts: first, that Jews, as a collective, constitute a people in the sense that they possess a right to self-determination; second, that a people’s right to self-determination entails the right to erect a state of their own, a state that is their particular people’s state; and finally, that for the Jewish people the geographical area of the former Mandatory Palestine, their ancestral homeland, is the proper place for them to exercise this right to self-determination….

In fact, I think there is a basis to challenge all three, but for present purposes I will focus on the question of whether a people’s right to self-determination entails their right to a state of their own, and set aside whether Jews count as a people and whether Jews have a claim on that particular land.

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

2. GOP and Rush Limbaugh.

I realize there are those within the Republican Party who do not like Rush Limbaugh. Some of them even think the GOP is worse because of him.

Likewise, there are those within the GOP who say they like Rush and see “a use” for him, but they themselves do not like listening to him. He’s just not their cup of tea or something.

These people should really spend a week listening to Rush three hours a day and perhaps they would not be so stupid.

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

3. GOP thinks you don’t need to know what they’re doing.

“I tell you what, this is one of the best experiences I’ve had. Everybody’s serious, everybody’s knowledgeable, they’ve been around the issue,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham-R-S.C., who’s up for re-election next year and facing a potential GOP primary challenge from the right. He said it’s “sort of what I came up here to do — sit down with serious people to solve serious and hard problems.”

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

4. Illinois having SEC problems and they’re not football related!

-Illinois broke federal securities laws and “misled investors” in misstating the true health of the state’s depleted pension funds between 2005 and early 2009, the Securities and Exchange Commission announced Monday.

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

5. Good paranoia spreading. Forbes notices the DHS buying more than a billion rounds of ammo and doesn’t think it’s funny.

Mr. Obama?  Where’s the disdain now?  Cancelling, or at minimum, drastically scaling back — by 90% or even 99%, the DHS order for ammo, and its receipt and deployment of armored personnel carriers, would be a “fourfer.”

  • The federal government would set an example of restraint in the matter of weaponry.

  • It would reduce the deficit without squeezing essential services.

  • It would do both in a way that was palatable to liberals and conservatives, slightly depolarizing America.

  • It would somewhat defuse, by the government making itself less armed-to-the-teeth, the anxiety of those who mistrust the benevolence of the federales.

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

5.Leftists make up story about select-fire weapon used in crime.

no legally-owned civilian M4 has ever been used to murder anyone, anywhere, in the history of the United States. This would be a major story, if true.

But it isn’t.

Neither WPXI nor KDKA support the claim that a military M4 was used in the shooting. Neither WPXI nor KDKA support the more likely claim that an AR-15 was used in the shooting.

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

6. China Arming Jihadis.

And those boxes had Chinese stencils on them, indications that the missiles were built by state-owned China Precision Machinery Import and Export Company. Images of the missiles identify them as QianWei1-M antiaircraft missiles.

“The QW1-M are systems we’ve not seen on the black market yet,”

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

7. Lawyer admits error.

I have a friend at a top law school who assured me that his colleagues would never discriminate based on ideology….“Remember how I said my colleagues wouldn’t discriminate based on ideology? I was wrong.”

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

8. Compassionate Racists in NYC.

So just to add up the comments by Times contributors over the past couple of years: if you live in the big blank space between Manhattan and L.A. in the New Yorker cartoon, you’re a participant in “the dance of the low-sloping foreheads.”  If you actually live in the Times’ backyard, you’re a potential Progressive racist. (Woodrow Wilson, call your office.) When the Weekly Standard noted recently that in the eyes of the MSM, the customer is always wrong, they had no idea how much he was truly loathed by those hoping that he’ll part with a note featuring Abraham Lincoln’s face and some change for a copy of the Sunday edition.

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

9.UN says Norks can’t re-start a war.

UN says an armistice which halted the 1950-53 Korean War remains valid despite claims by North Korea to have scrapped the accord

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

10. Uppity Black Man Put In His Place.

Mr. Colion Noir is the newest NRA spokesperson (black guy the rapper idiot is mad at V).  I saw this on his FB page:,,,

They listed his full name (he writes under a nom de plume), his street address, his father’s name & address, and the names of several family members including what looks like his mom.

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

11. China reorganizing their forces in the South China Sea under one leader.

With a unified command structure, the new entity will be able to co-ordinate its maritime forces and “pose a very serious challenge” to Japanese forces in waters close to the disputed Senkaku archipelago, which China calls the Diaoyus, he said.

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

Extra Credit: Bronze Star awarded for Powerpoint Presentation.

n Air Force chaplain has been awarded a Bronze Star for his service in crafting an especially good PowerPoint about how to treat Islamic religious materials with sensitivity, (emphasis by Blackfive V)

a. Endy

b. Funny

c. Both

d. None of the above

Answers below the fold

(more…)

Saturday In The Tubes

Posted: March 9, 2013 by veeshir in Exploding things, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, GOP Win!, Islam - a religion of tolerance and peace, Jitardis, Liberal Fascism, Nanny State, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault, PEBKAC
3

I think it is the 40th of July.

It’s just that fucking ridiculous.

To update DPUD’s post,  we find this story about Colorado making it take a few seconds longer to put 30 rounds into a piece of paper. I had to find a story about it just to see how stupid it was.

“High-capacity magazines are designed to kill a large number of people in a short amount of time,” said Sen. Mary Hodge, D-Brighton, the bill’s sponsor.

Okay, that’s kind of stupid, but they’re not done plumbing the depths of brain damage. This one is my personal favorite.

… killed his own legislation aimed at banning concealed weapons on college campuses, …

First, what’s up with the violent imagery? Assault reporters need to have some common sense, 1st amendment curbs. But why did he assault his own bill?

“This bill is intended to prevent death,” said Heath. “The fact that it has been massaged to say it allows rape on college campuses is reprehensible.”

Ultimately, Democrats decided a floor debate on the campus ban wasn’t worth the political cost of allowing Republican lawmakers to attack them for rendering college women defenseless against attackers, as they’ve done since Monday, when Sen. Evie Hudak, D-Westminster, challenged a rape victim who testified in a committee hearing against the bill.

How dare they point out the stupidity of this common-sense legislation?!?!?!?!?!? The whole article is exactly what you’d expect from a Minitrue outlet.

My first three guns were Remington, and when I started buying other stuff I felt bad that I didn’t buy any Remingtons, my father liked them and I trusted them. Never again.

A group of New York state lawmakers says they’ve been told by Remington Arms that the company plans to spend $20 million upgrading its gun manufacturing plant in the Mohawk Valley.

Did you idiots learn nothing from Smith & Wesson? They obviously took the bribe from NYS lawmakers to stay. Eh, on the plus side, in a year or two someone will be able to buy Remington for a fraction of what it was worth last week and they can move it to a free state.

In, Don’t You Know Who We Are and How Dare You Not Give Us Everything We Ask For? news, via Doug Ross, we see a teacher’s strike where the school districts hired some subs to teach while the union types, who totally are striking for Teh Children, are out.  The union thugs reacted as union thugs do. With Intimidation.

It starts off by saying, ‘Do you know a scab lives in your neighborhood?’  It gives the gentleman’s name, his address, his telephone number, personal information. And then it says, ‘Why is he a scab?’ And it talks about him crossing the picket line in Strongsville,” said Dubecky.

Fuck you.

Hagel went to Afghanistan so Obama’s Partners For Peace decided to welcome him.

A suicide bomber wearing a vest bomb struck outside the Afghan defense ministry on Saturday, killing at least 10 people in a blast just hours after Chuck Hagel, the new United States defense secretary, arrived here in Kabul.

And a short time later, another suicide bomber detonated his explosive in eastern Afghanistan before reaching his target, but killed eight children and a policeman, according to Afghan military and hospital officials.

Boy fucking savages acting like boy fucking savages. Whodathunkit?

Speaking of the various types of people who are Obama’s Partners For Peace,

On March 3, 2013, a group of “pro-peace” agitators organized by CODEPINK Women for Peace and Interfaith Peace-Builders made noise outside the Washington, D.C. Convention Center to harass the 12,000-plus participants attending the American Israel Public Affairs Committee’s annual Policy Conference. Its activities were characterized by angry screaming and chants for a violent uprising: “Long live the intifada… intifada, intifada!”

Well duh. They’re not anti-war, they’re on the other side. Recall that Intifadas always begin with terrorists sending children to throw rocks while snipers fire at Israelis from behind them.

In News Of The Duh!, we see that Hezbollah and the Dorktator in Syria are trying to destabilize Lebanaon.

Lebanese political sources in contact with NOW claim that the Syrian regime and its Lebanese ally Hezbollah, fearing rebel advancements in Syria, have shifted their attention towards Lebanon and are now seeking to disrupt its political life.

Hmmm, maybe that should be “News From the 70s”, eh, either way it’s what Syria and the terrorists in the Party Of God do.

This really pisses me off, as Obama is talking about how important it is to send everybody to school, he’s cutting the money for tuition assistance for the military.

The Army announced Friday it is suspending its tuition assistance program for soldiers newly enrolling in classes due to sequestration

The problem is these people won’t be taking Gender Studies classes, they’ll learn something useful. And for that they can never be forgiven!

Chavez’ thug in waiting becomes Thug In Chief!

Chavez’s chosen successor was sworn in at a ceremony just hours after the former leader’s state funeral on March 8.

I guess the secret policeman won (that’s the article about Maduro, secret policeman, and Cabello the military thug. You know that makes Obama happy. He loves people who hate Amerikkka and he’s more in favor of secret police than the military.

Some Drone-Strike on America news.

First, we have Rand Paul saying, I’ve only begun to make futile gestures! (warning, Wash Post link, but it’s Rand Paul’s OpEd).

Sen. Rand Paul: My filibuster was just the beginning

Cool. Keep fucking with the Drone-Strike-In-Chief.

Next, we have the military hiding their drone-strike data.

As scrutiny and debate over the use of remotely piloted aircraft (RPA) by the American military increased last month, the Air Force reversed a policy of sharing the number of airstrikes launched from RPAs in Afghanistan and quietly scrubbed those statistics from previous releases kept on their website.

You see, we can’t have the hoi polloi getting the wrong (read, right) idea.

Mark Steyn pisses me off. Just when I think I’m paranoid enough I read something he wrote.

When you consider the resources brought to bear against a nobody like Randy Weaver for no rational purpose, is it really so “far-fetched” to foresee the Department of Justice deploying drones to the Ruby Ridges and Wacos of the 2020s?

Bastid!

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