Archive for the ‘Funniest End of Civilization Evah’ Category

Buzzword Bingo

Posted: September 15, 2014 by veeshir in Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Obama's Fault

Obama is Building A Coalition To Degrade And/Or Contain ISIL

Funny and endy on so many levels.

First, the funniest and endiest.

Not a one of our allies trusts Obama not to screw them and they’re all looking at craziness and invasionistas close to home.

The idea of them sending troops for some vague statements by Obama is laughable Ha Ha!

He cited Yemen and fucking Somalia as success stories!

“This strategy of taking out terrorists who threaten us, while supporting partners on the front lines, is one that we have successfully pursued in Yemen and Somalia for years,” President Obama said.

Somalia, the place that many years is even worse than Congo, Afghans say, “Dude, get a country.”

For those who’ve read Dune,Yemen has the sietches where the warriors of Allah go in between attacks to have some tea, khif and little bum boys. Sort of a Sietch Terror.

 

It gets funnier when you  realize the point men are Joe Freaking Biden, Chuck Hagel and J Effin Kerry.  (Warning! Unsafe, Head Minitrue Outlet Link!)

Secretary of State John Kerry said on Monday that the Obama administration would keep the door open to confidential communications with Iran on the security crisis in Iraq,

 

Get that? They want to be Iran’s ally, I assume because they think if we are allies with everybody then there won’t be war!!!!!!!!! They’ll have treaties!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Piss For Our Times!!!!!!!!!! You know, instead of being Iran’s ally when they go to war with Israel.

And get the other part of that endy hilarity, Kerry told the NY Times that he wanted confidential negotiations with Iran. sigh.

So what’s a mad mullah to do when the US comes hat in hand, on bended knee and tells everybody he’s doing so?

Iranian Supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei announced Monday that Iran has privately (emphasis me, V)  refused U.S. requests for cooperation against the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria.

You have to love that shot at Kerry. That’s a nice touch.

Well you would have to love it if he weren’t the fucking Secretary Of Fucking State for the United Fucking States of Fucking America getting pwned by some 8th century mad mullah.

See? Funny and Endy.

But wait! There’s Still More!!!!!!! For a limited time on…ahh, who am I kidding. it  won’t be getting any better anytime soon.

…just hours after…, State Department spokeswoman Harf stated …

“To be very clear, we are not coordinating with, we do not want to coordinate with, we are not planning to coordinate with Iran in any way on Iraq, period,…

 

It’s sort of funny how often the super geniuses in the highest echelons of our gov’t have to clarify at least part of so many  prepared statements.

Or this one, Kerry today said something today  about how unfortunate it is that Iraq has been fighting ISIS by themselves.

From January this year, on a blog nobody here reads, was this tidbit,

J Effin Kerry at a press conferece. I saw part of this and expected to see this bit all over the place.

Iraq is fighting al Quaeda (now called ISIS)  in Fallujah and Ramadi (just like we did), and Kerry said this,

This is their fight,
Seriously? Not our fight? Obama’s given up on the Wo(S)T?

Of course now he has to walk back another set of comments. My favorite walkback was when he called Burma, “Myanmar”.

Now the other funny/endy part.

Why do we need a coalition? We’ll have to bribe half the assholes and then we’ll have a bunch of people who hate us back-seat driving us. Jebus, he wants Qatar and Iran. WTF?

So we’ll have allies who are not on our side and he’s pissed off our real allies so our coalition will be threadbare and worse than useless.

All we need is Iraq in our coalition.

 

He’s also already said it’s just air warfare and lawfare so ISIS just has to hunker down in big cities where Obama will not bomb them and wait out Obama’s short attention span.

So the coalition will be expensive and worse than useless, just like Obama.

We Be Boned.

Boned?

Posted: September 10, 2014 by veeshir in Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Obama's Fault

Important Update Below!!!!!!!!

So, how boned are we?

I saw Bob Beckel on the Five earlier flat out declare that ISIS cannot threaten America. He laughed, ha-HA!, at the very idea.

Now, from reading Stephen Green’s drunktweeting of Obama’s speech, I see this.

“ISIL poses a threat to Iraq and Syria…” and MAYBE to the US, eventually, someday. So we have that going for us, which is nice.

Apcray, You realize what that means? We’re sure to get hit tomorrow.

And worse, they’ve been coming in through the southern border, I live on the southern border and I have to drive across Phoenix tomorrow, from the East Valley to north west Phoenix. You all saw my commute on Monday night’s news by the way. Luckily, that wasn’t the roof of my car you saw.

So my sense of irony and appreciation of the facets of the FEOCE say I have a good chance of having to fight off a terrorist attack tomorrow. I hope it’s on the way home, I need the money.

 

I will say I hope he arms jihadis in Syria. What that country/area needs are more small arms. Let’s shake up that bottle of scorpions and get them fighting each other again.

 

The whole speech looked pretty embarrassing.

ISIL is a terrorist organization… with no vision.” Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck he still doesn’t get it

Mam am I glad I swore off POTUSpeeches long ago.

So we’re back to Clinton’s strategery with added death-dealing RC skybombery.

I thought I was making a funny when I said it was turning into all the worst parts of the 90s along with looking as if we’d lost the Cold War.

Makes me wonder if I’m going to be yelling “Wolverines!” at some point in the future.

 

 

I Lied It’s Not All That Important Just Pretty Darn Funny Update!!!!!!! 

One year ago today Obama said we should bomb Syria now he’s saying we bomb Syria’s enemies today.

 

He does like to fight both sides of any war after all. Allah noticed it.

I was just going to do a blank post but since nobody’s going to read it, I might as well put in content.

Some people who got into a land war in Asia!!!

The Ukrainians kicked out their tsarling and now they’re being invaded by Tsar Putin I but they haven’t lost their sense of humor. 

‘Russian-style’ ceasefire includes lots of shelling

These people dealt with Stalin-Hitler-Stalin, Tsar Putin I is like a walk in the park after that.

So Obama’s at the NATO meeting as they talk about the world exploding and we see this from our favorite Weasel, S.

NATO is meeting in Wales at the moment, so this doof is over our side. It was reported on the radio this afternoon that so many things are happening in NATO’s territory, there’s a chance the meeting will hold Obama’s interest this time. That, ordinarily, he finds these meetings so boring, he sends his aids out to buy crossword puzzle magazines to get him through.

I shit you not. It was a straight news broadcast, so maybe I…surely I misheard…?

You know, if everything bores you, it isn’t an indication that you’re extra super smart. If the most important job in the Western world seems beneath you, you aren’t a sooper genius. You’re a malignant narcissist and borderline retard.

 

Okay, that’s totally not funny at all because it’s true.

Hahahahahahahahahahhahaa

So as the world figures out their on their own, we might get interesting deals that drag us into a war. Yay,,,?

The NATO folks are giving some aid, but nothing military, but

Stopping short of promising to send weapons that Ukraine wants, NATO chief Anders Fogh Rasmussen noted that individual nations can make their own decisions about arming Kyiv.

France just declined to deliver the ships they were building for the Russian Imperial Navy,  so maybe they could make up the slack by selling Ukraine some stuff.

I wonder what NATO’s gonna do.  Sanctions aren’t going to do crap because if they sanction Russia, Russia raises the rates on their energy. It’s hard to economically war on someone when you’re economically dependent on that person.

 

It’s not a ‘deal’ with a Tsar/Bond Villain without a howler.

But Lavrov implied the US is hindering hopes of a swift progression towards a truce:

Okay, that’s funny.

I agree, albeit not for the same reason. I’d say it’s because Tsar Putin I knows there will be no response so he was a free hand.

You have to love this bit too.

Later on Thursday (September 4), Lavrov reportedly discussed and agreed on the need for a ceasefire with his French and German counterparts, while “avoiding any action that could undermine the positive trend.”

 

The positive trend being in the war Russia started and is waging. He’s actually playing the “Peace-Process” shell game.

That’s pretty funny.

Puppy Blender post. 

IMMIGRATION: “Not many years ago, the idea of Minnesota as a hotbed of Islamic terrorism would have been laughable. No longer: a mass immigration of Somalis has put Minnesota on the front lines.”

Gee, how could that have happened?

Muslim cab drivers refuse to transport alcohol and dogs.

What could people have done to encourage that kind of thing?

Some Muslim Cashiers at Minnesota Target Refuse to Scan Pork Products

Eh, we’ll probably never know.

A little bit of hope.

Earth will experience a close call on Sunday, as an asteroid discovered only a few days ago is expected to safely pass very close by. The space rock will zip by our planet approximately 25,000 miles above our heads – one tenth the distance between here and the moon.

Now I plugged the numbers into y Fisher-Price orbital dynamics calculator and got a different number, but we all remember the last time that happened. At least I do, but keep your fingers crossed, we might get lucky.

Last, a chuckler stolen from the Outrider, don’t tell him. He can probably kick my ass.

thanks

 

So some Islamic terrorists took over our abandoned embassy in Tripoli but the State Dept says don’t worry.

U.S. Ambassador to Libya Deborah Jones said …

… it appeared the compound was being “safeguarded” and was not “ransacked.”

Be happy.

C’mon, that’s darn funny.Just like Theodoric safeguarded Rome for the emperors in Byzantium.

Western Liberals Agree With Islamic Terrorists!!!!!!! Stop the..wait, that’s not unexpected, this one is sorta funny.

After that, many, myself included, wondered: Should we – Muslim or not – learn the basics of Islam and have a read through the Koran? If one of us ever finds herself in a situation similar to that of Westgate Mall victims, could even a rudimentary knowledge of Islam save us?

As the first commenter said, guns do that too.

ISIS is pivoting back to Syria. Al Nusra is allied with ISIS for now.

he Nusra Front is losing several of its groups to ISIS, which is planning a comeback in the areas it lost in Syria now that its combat axes in Iraq have been stabilized.(emphasis me V) … ISIS will leave other rural areas to their own fate in awaiting Syrian regime forces advances and complete the siege of Aleppo before entering it as yet another conqueror.

 

As for the Turkmens, … operating as Turkish forces on Syrian soil, aided by many Turkmens from Turkey who have joined their ranks. To ISIS, these are renegade enemies much like the Kurds, such as the Northern Storm Brigade, who were pushed by ISIS and FSA factions into the arms of the pro-regime PKK (Kurdistan Workers’ Party). … ISIS will stop at the boundaries of the areas where the Kurds and Turkmens are deployed, thus paving the way for long wars of attrition.

 

It’s too bad Iraq had to become involved, because Hezbollah and all the other terrorists in the area fighting those even more savage savages is all about teh funny.

It’s also to bad Lebanon got dragged in, but that’s what happens when Hezbollah loses and another set of vicious savages defeats them.

But even that dark cloud has a pretty funny lining. Al Nusra is fighting on ISIS’ side in Syria and they recently went into Lebanon and killed and took captive some Lebanese soldiers, I think there were some Hezbollah in thei grouop.

The Al-Nusra Front has demanded that Lebanese Shiite party Hezbollah withdraw its forces from Syria and cease its support for the Syrian army as a condition for their release.

 

So they’re taking Hezbollah hostage and demanding concessions for their release. You know Hezbollah is saying, “Hey, that’s our schtick!!!!!”

At first I didn’t think this lived up to the headline, but I’ve had to change my mind.

These 23 Luis Gutierrez GIFs Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity

 

But since I have such a low opinion of humanity,  just when I started to have hope the fact that the tool can become powerful does restore my faith in humanity. And the gifs are pretty funny too.

We’ve all seen the vid of Joe Scarboroough saying that Obama saying he had no strategy against ISIS was straight out of Sun Tzu.

 

I’ll stick up for Joe.

if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.”

 

Straight out of Sun Tzu.

Obama has no idea what America is all about on the world stage or which other countries work for good and which actively work for evil so of course he will fail in foreign policy.

And if you think he should be impeached, President Joe Biden. The man who has been wrong on every foreign policy decision in the last 40 years who’s well into active/stupid so we’d go to war with Madagascar and lose.

 

Okay, this isn’t funny, (Warning!!!! Minitrue link) but it is. Because it’s Chicago machine politics writ large and Minitrue will back Obama up.

Cruz accused the White House of floating the idea. “There is one person and one person only talking about shutting down the government, and that is the White House,”

 

He’s going to shut down the gov’t, closing the most painful things for average Americans, and get his Minitrue allies to blame it on the GOP so our fine, free media’s chosen political party will do well in an election.

 

That’s not funny.

But it is.

 

So we see that people from Minnesota are fighting for ISIS in Syria.

We had what appeared to be a work accident in Minnesota earlier this year, the building was razed before a cause be determined, the police said, “Gas leak”, the gas company said, “Nuh-uh”. Everybody moved on. It might not have been a work accident, but everybody involved acted as if they thought that’s what it was.

So what’s our gov’t working on?

Not Islamic Terrorism, that’s for sure.

The FBI’s most recent national threat assessment for domestic terrorism makes no reference to Islamist terror threats,

 

They’re after me. I’m much more of a threat to them. After all, our social, political,  intellectual and moral betters have layers of security, but they only get that if they stay in office.

So if I get blowed up, well, that’s my problem, but if they get kicked out of office because of people like me, well then they have a problem.

So they have their priorities straight. Just because ISIS is active in border towns, again, that’s far away from DC and NYC so they’re fine. It’s all them fools in AZ and Texas. California will vote Dem no matter what, so they can take a few terrorist attacks and still be counted on the blame Bush so it’s obvious what the strategy on that is. Fuck us.

Germany’s The Good Guy?

Posted: August 22, 2014 by veeshir in Funniest End of Civilization Evah

Angela Merkel, and Germany, is becoming buddies with the Ukrainians.

Merkel and Poroshenko have spoken on the phone almost daily over the past few weeks. In fact, their relationship is now so close that Merkel much of her information about the situation in the war zone directly from the presidential office, officials on both sides say. Senior staff members of Poroshenko and Merkel are said to have close and productive working relations.

 

Maybe German is not in the mood for any more Russian aggression and they’re not so happy about not being badasses anymore.

All this as the Russian “aid” convoy is entering Ukraine. I figure with guns, bombs and other “aid”.

 

I gotta wonder if there are some Germans quoting Kyra from the Chronicles of Riddick.

Shit! I hate not being the bad guys!

Heh.

Romney says things under Obama’s second term have turned out even worse than he expected.

I on the other hand, am somewhat surprised things aren’t worse domestically than they are. I, a weak-ass pasty white nerd, for the first time in my life, bought a gun.  And will buy more.  Frankly, I wish I hadn’t waited so long, but some of you morons were out buying up ALL TEH WEAPONZ.

Things may not be absolutely terrible yet, but we’re getting there.  We’re getting there.

I guess Romney kind of has to say what he did, because it would be poor form to say, “I’ll be in my billion dollar bunker, waiting for the muthafuckin’ apocalypse. Peace out.”

Related: How to stash guns in plain sight in your house.