Archive for the ‘Teh Funneh’ Category

This tweet wins teh Internets:

Also, right now I just don’t want to think about a universe where Terry McAuliffe wins a state-wide election.

Virginia, I am sooooo disappointed in you.

Hoist On Their Own PETArd

Posted: September 16, 2013 by veeshir in Filthy Hippies, HAHAHAHAHAA!!!!, Teh Funneh, Win!

Update

Yeah, it’s satire and old.

So sue m….DPUD.

I’ve put the post below the fold, here’s an example of Obama’s Smart Slack Power!

1slackobama

 

Via Are We Lumberjacks (he never answers that question, it kind of pisses me off)

(more…)

A drudgetaposition

DHS buying $9 million worth of guns from H&K and Sig

DHS hiring!

Now, I defended CPAC for not inviting people like Christie, but I am pretty upset about GOProud.

As Eric asks, Is Breitbart’s ghost uninvited?

Quoth Breitbart

“If being conservative means rejecting gay conservatives because they are gay, then fine, I’m not a conservative.”

It’s their party, but people afraid of gay cooties really need to get a grip. Everybody knows girls are where cooties come from.

Now, I hate trusting a Minitrue outlet, but I don’t think they’d actually alter a transcript, you never know but this feels right.

Boehner from ABC’s This (is) Weak

MARTHA RADDATZ: So, do you trust President Obama?

SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER: Absolutely….. There’s no issue there. We have a very, very– good relationship.

Fuck.

But it gets better.

SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER: We do not have an immediate debt crisis.

Double fuck.

SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER: Well, I think– most people would think that I’m part of the common-sense caucus.

By “most people”, I assume he’s talking about his staff and GOP tools who hate wacko birds.

I could quote this fucking thing all day, but I’ll end on a hilarious note

SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER:…The Senate is likely to finish their budget– after– the Easter recess.

Listen, there aren’t enough “ha”s in the world for that “bwa” so I don’t want to use them up on something so fucking stupid.  They’re already doing more continuing spending $trillions resolutions.  Those are much better than budgets, they don’t have deficit spending or earmarks. At least, everybody can pretend they don’t and really, that’s all that matters.

In Fuck You Minitrue News, a puppy blender link quoting The Hill. (I don’t link Minitrue if I can avoid it)

“A growing number of states are moving forward with legislation to exempt them from new federal gun controls and, in some cases, brand as criminals anyone who tries to enforce them. While many of the bills are considered symbolic or appear doomed to fail, the legislative explosion reflects a backlash against legislative and regulatory efforts in Washington to tamp down on gun violence.

Fuck you, it’s not about reducing gun violence, it’s about control, it’s about making citizens into subjects and you assholes know it, you just keep pushing your fucking view at every chance.

So what does it say when I see the ‘Justice” Dept. is investigating the Wall Street Journal and my first thought is, “How did they piss off Obama?”

said it had received information from a person it described as a whistleblower who claimed one or more Journal employees had provided gifts to Chinese government officials in exchange for information, according to people familiar with the case.

First, so fucking what? If they want to pay for information, why is that Obama’s….. oh yeah, Chinese bribes.

Nevermind.

Another Weasel Zippers link that would be fucking hilarious if it weren’t as we they were fucking with us over the SEQUESTER THAT’S GONNA KILL US ALL!!!!!.

The federal government is spending $227,437 to investigate how animals have been depicted in National Geographic magazine over a span of 120 years, which federal officials say is an “innovative study” that will examine “images of animals to see how people have changed their view of the natural world.”

… “Predators like wolves and coyotes have been consistently portrayed as a threat.

Gee, too bad they don’t make people think coyotes are all fluffy and friendly and stuff. I mean, who wouldn’t want their kids wanting to pet a vicious carnivore that’s one of the more opportunistic killers and lives in and near people areas? Sure jerks like my neighbor who lost his dog and chickens to the coyotes might be unhelpful about that, but that’s cuz he’s not as smart as bureaucrats in DC.

Okay, three more chucklers to end the day.

First, “Crazed Man Dressed As Vagina Shuts Down Pro-Life Speech” I will say, the story delivers on the headline. His mom isn’t very good at sewing.

Second, a little global warmmongering hilarity.

The estimates – given with 75 per cent and 95 per cent certainty – suggest only a five per cent chance of the real temperature falling outside both bands.

But when the latest official global temperature figures from the Met Office are placed over the predictions, they show how wrong the estimates have been, to the point of falling out of the ‘95 per cent’ band completely…

Do tell.

The funniest part, for me, is people scratching their heads and thinking that maybe other people who say the same phenomenon causes heat, cold, drought, floods, oyster herpes and the Earth exploding might just be making shit up.

And last, a quiz. I guaran-damn-tee nobody, and I mean nobody, gets the answer.

Who wrote this bit of poetry? (Link below so you can’t cheat, I took this from the middle because there are some words that might give a clue)

I am a supplicant for a goblet of wine
from the hand of a sweetheart.”

“O Friend, I have become captivated
by the mole over your lip.
I have seen your languid eyes
and I have become sick.”

“Place a strand of your wavy hair in my way.

In white ink, so you’ll have to highlight it.

Sayyid Ruhollah Mostafavi Musavi Khomeini

That’s right, the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomenei,

As the author says

Apparently the same guy who issued a deadly fatwa against Salman Rushdie and his ‘Satanic verses’; the same guy who has written a mini guide for good Muslim pedophiles on how to have sexual pleasure from a baby among other atrocities;  has also written poetry on wine, love, taverns, drunkenness and languid eyes

Did you get it? Of course not.

Must have been his Paris days.

Veeshir seems to have taken up the mantle of doing roundup-style posts since I’ve mostly abandoned blogging, but every once in a while I still will need to clear out my bookmarks…

Moe Lane: “The essential problem with the Chuck Hagel nomination.” – Moe is too kind, but basically on-point.

Everything the O-bots told you about Obamacare was a lie.  We informed you thusly.

Wounded Warrior Project rejects church’s fundraising efforts. So I guess the ads singing “Say a prayer for peace” were entirely secular prayers to nobody in particular, or something.  (“… one or more gods, or fewer…”)

A nice long write-up about the hubbub in Mali.

Reason: No, WWII did end the Depression.

Pending debt crisis link #1.

Pending debt crisis link #2 (Pethokoukis @ AEI).

PIMCO’s Bill Gross on the “Credit Supernova“.

Happy days are here again: No-money-down mortgages are back, baby! (Facepalm)

Daily Caller: Obama’s new French economic adviser has ‘faith in redistribution’ (Double facepalm)

Weekly Standard: Obama Continues to Violate His Own ‘Stimulus’ Law by Not Releasing Quarterly Reports (Infinite facepalm)

How else could the government muck up the economy? By dragging on croudsourced funding regulations! (In violation of the law, to boot.)

Zero Hedge: Germans contemplate impact of US oil boom.  Glimmer of hope.

Lowry via Ace: Limbaugh was right about Obama.  No shit.

WashTimes: West Point center cites dangers of ‘far right’ in U.S.  — Stay tuned for my pontifications about the insurrectionist doctrine.

Get your ass to Mars.  One way.

Chimps like pr0n too!

Oprah likes foreskin. On her face.

Gotta nuke something” posts first.

Brunei, fucking Brunei, is the chair of ASEAN this year and they’re bearding China in their den.

Brunei will pursue a binding code of conduct among competing South China Sea claimants as a top priority during its ASEAN chairmanship, officials said Monday.

 

So I guess having a feckless American president is causing others to stand up.  Of course, they need America to stand up for them when push comes to commie invasion.

Which leads to this, Obama’s been selling stuff to non-commies so

The key strategic aim of the “pivot”, experts contend, is to contain China’s maritime assertiveness and protect freedom of navigation in the Western Pacific, a global artery for trade and energy transportation. Yet the US’s strategic re-focus on Asia has paradoxically not only strengthened the hands of Chinese hawks calling for a more muscular counter-strategy but also emboldened the US’s regional partners, namely Japan, Philippines, and Vietnam, to push their claims more aggressively.

 

 

I have high hopes, but I’m just not sure if I trust that Obama fellow. Every time he’s been involved in an international dispute, from Honduras to Iran to Great Britain and more, he’s sided with the commies. but apparently at least some non-commies and non-Chinese commies think they can trust him.

Still, I’m not sure if I’d place my country’s future in Obama’s hands, especially as we see it heating up.

I had other possible nuke things going on, but I’m no longer in the mood so on to Le Ha Ha.

I love this one. I’m a little embarrassed it was commie Chinese and not good, old, American rednecks who came up with it though. We’re falling behind in the crazy use of weapons department.

Organisers of an ice festival in China’s northern Jilin province thought they were being clever by inviting tourists to use live chickens as shooting targets. Instead, it has sparked controversy and anger when people across the country learned about the cruel game.

The photos, published by major newspapers including The People’s Daily, showed people shooting arrows at live childrens at an ice park. In one photo, a chicken is seen struggling after being shot with two arrows.

 

Sputter. I mean, I love it, but did any of the people involved with this stop and say, “You know, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”?

This is kind of a brutal, endy sort of Ha-Ha but since I’m happy when terrorists torture and kill each other instead of me, I’m calling this a win.

Then there are the prisons run by the armed opposition, filled with partisans of the Syrian regime. Inside these walls, people accused of committing crimes are being tortured and liquidated by their captors in the armed opposition.

 

In their own torture centers. That’s gosh darned endy and funny. I mean, I know they’re jihadis who are just grabbing anybody they don’t like, but at least some of them must be actual Syrian agents.

Another that’s not funny. But it is.

A 31-year-old Bronx man fell to his death yesterday while defecating between subway cars on a moving 6 train, cops said.

 

Is it wrong to hope he had a goatee, was wearing a vest and a vintage Quisp t-shirt?

 

And for the big finale, my very favorite type of Ha-Ha, global warmmongering ha-has.

Freezing weather with light snow flurries greeted about 200 climate activists gathered on the steps of the state Capitol noon Monday to demand the state Legislature get serious about climate change.

Just cuz the endy is getting worse doesn’t mean Gaia stopped hating Al Gore.
Not From Olympia, just a funny pic

Not From Olympia, just a funny pic

Don’t forget to point and laugh folks, schaden is the only freude you’re getting.

Go Find Yourself!

Posted: September 12, 2012 by veeshir in Random Crap, Teh Funneh

Your Scandi Teh Funny of the Day.

Headline

Lost Woman Looks for Herself in Iceland’s Highlands

 

No, it’s not some hippy chick looking for a drum circle.

The backstory.

A foreign tourist was reported missing in the volcanic canyon Eldgjáin the southern highlands on Saturday afternoon after she failed to return to her tour bus….

However, the search was called off at 3 am when it turned out that the missing woman had been on the bus all along and even participated in the search for herself,

 

I guess all Americans look the same to them.

 

Via Lumberbrudi’s brudi.

I’m posting this to say I’ll be out of town for a few days so I probably won’t be posting till Monday.

What’s the difference between that and the last few weeks? I’ll be fucking freezing my ass off in Hampton Falls, NH instead of sweating it off in Apache Junction, AZ.

Yeah, Bitch…MAGNETS!

Posted: July 19, 2012 by aliceaitch in Random Crap, Teh Funneh, The Little Screen

 

 

I’m surprised Vince Gilligan didn’t find a way to incorporate some Insane Clown Posse into the episode.