We’re here because of beer

Posted: November 11, 2010 by Sean M. in Win!
Tags: , ,

It turns out that archaeological evidence suggests that the Dawn of Civilization was actually more like the Hungover Noon of Civilization:

May beer have helped lead to the rise of civilization? It’s a possibility, some archaeologists say.

Their argument is that Stone Age farmers were domesticating cereals not so much to fill their stomachs but to lighten their heads, by turning the grains into beer. That has been their take for more than 50 years, and now one archaeologist says the evidence is getting stronger.

Signs that people went to great lengths to obtain grains despite the hard work needed to make them edible, plus the knowledge that feasts were important community-building gatherings, support the idea that cereal grains were being turned into beer,  said archaeologist Brian Hayden at Simon Fraser University in Canada.

I like permanent settlements, domesticated animals, codified laws, and written language as much as the next guy, but I find it gratifying somehow that we’re basically where we are today because of a series of ancient keggers.

  1. Veeshir says:

    I would suggest farming is because of beer.
    Civilization is because of women.

    Guys wanted to get laid (cuz they were drunk) and women wanted blue towels in the bathroom that nobody could use.

    So guys had to build houses with bathrooms and figure out how to make bathroom towels in blue and then had to kill all the guys who weren’t getting laid who wanted to steal the houses with the women in them (but not the blue towels).

  2. Goober says:

    Veeshir, that was the most incomrehenisble nonsensical crap I’ve ever heard. All Morons on this blog as stupider for having heard it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. 🙂

  3. Dang Straights says:

    Mmmm, beer.

  4. Veeshir says:

    Sorry Goober, I see your point, I always construct my sentences poorly.
    Try this
    Guys wanted to get laid (cuz they were drunk) and women wanted blue towels that nobody could use in the bathroom.
    and continues
    Another reason is because people like Goober loved Chicago deep dish pizza so they needed to invent cities to invent Chicago to make deep dish pizza from there

  5. Full disclosure: I graduated with a degree in Anthropology. This theory was the greatest joke going. Why? Because as students we were convinced it was based on fact, but our mamby-pamby profs were taking the PC line and saying that alcohol, and beer in particular, was a (SHOCK) mistake while making bread. We students were waaaaay smarter. We knew the women fucked up the beer one day, and thus came bread.

    Seriously, though, you should look up Pict Ale. The story behind that tends to affirm this theory 😉

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