My State of the Union Response

Posted: January 25, 2011 by Edward von Bear in Conservatism, Fucking Markets, Fun With Media, Liberal Fascism, Nanny State

*pours glass of Makers Mark*
*lights cigar*
*scratches balls*
*clears throat*

Fuck the bogus pile of shit I heard so fuckily that it comes to life and fucks back thrice as hard with its shit-encased fuckmuscle until leftists everywhere become impregnated with shitmonster fuckspawns and forced to decide between birthing the beasts or having to go to Kermist Gosnell’s clinic of horrors. Thunderfuck these phony fucking “compromises” the left will never embrace when actual legislation comes before them with the replacement donkeycock used in a Tijuana fuckshow. Fuck throwing more of my fucking money at projects doomed to fail because the fucksweat of socialism will be wafting too nearby to avoid when getting out of the fucking way would spur more innovation. Fuck doing nothing to address the debt that, if left unchecked, will doom us all. Fuck the phony calls to deal with earmarks months after passing an earmark-laden barrelfucking of the American people and calling it “health care”. And fuck it simply because I fucking can do no less than say “fuck no!” to ideas and plans that have not work and will continue to not work.

No, I refuse to stand by quietly as those who have no fucking clue what they are fucking doing continue, despite the electoral humbling of a few months ago, to push us deeper into the tarpit of despair to reside with those other creatures who failed to fix what was ailing them and find a way to extract themselves form the deathgrip of failure and obsolescence. I will not fucking stand by and let those who refuse to even address in a meaningful way the problems facing this country get away with calls for “investment” and “Sputnik moments”, knowing that innovation and discovery was allowed to flourish in the 1950s and 1960s, while it is certain to be mismanaged by some partisan hack bureaucrat. And I sure the fuckity fuck with the fuckmuscle of the flying fuckeagle of exceptionalism and freedom refuse to stay silent as I see the future of this great land and all it represents squandered away in handouts to the fucking losers who refuse to contribute anything of value to move this country forward.

Yes, Mr. President (and you are my President), you mentioned that this is a great nation, where anybody, regardless of their origins, can achieve greatness; but, for how much longer? And to the statists who support this idiotic agenda, consider this: as I walk my daughter to the front doors of her school, and see her walk to her future, it better fucking be as optimistic as the one my father walked me toward when I started school. As I see her sleep the sleep of the hopefully innocent, she better never have to lay her head down at night worrying about the next morning and how bad it’ll be. And as I (hopefully) see her experience all that life has to offer, including some setbacks, she better fucking have the same opportunities to stand at a podium somewhere down the line as others before her had. And I saw nothing to address that tonight. All I saw was more bullshit, more stupidity, more preordained failure, and more of the same fuckery that made our country’s troubles worse. And if those of you who want to push this shit think I am going to accept that, then rhetorically saddlefuck your plans with a hot branding iron.

Tonight only reaffirmed my belief that socialism is the wrong path. Tonight only reaffirmed my belief that opposing the statists through the electoral process is the only way to go. Tonight reaffirmed my belief that anybody who fails to advance this country’s future needs to be permanently retired via the ballot box. And tonight reaffirmed my fucking belief that I must not be quiet. I must not let the future die before it can happen. And I must do what I can through the ballot box to rid those who fail to see things my way from ever being able to do so again.

My fellow Americans, tonight a line was drawn in the sand. On one side are those who wish to expand the stifling failure of the state, while the other side contains those who wish to lift the barriers and allow all of us to flourish. Which fucking side are you on?

Thank you, goodnight, and may God continue to bless this great nation.

  1. xbradtc says:


  2. Andy says:

    So, you’re against “investment”? And puppies?

    /MFM spin

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by eddiebear and eddiebear, eddiebear. eddiebear said: my SOTU response […]

  4. Veeshir says:

    Did he really say something about Sputnik?

    Does he realize he’s not president of the USSR?

  5. That was teh awesome. fuh rill dough, fuh rill dough, fuh rill dough.

    Those were my thoughts exactly, except my thoughts have been jumbled with age and addled with rage.

    Seriously, this rant is superb, and I can’t imagine a freedom-loving American would object to even a single word. Sure, it’s sad, but it’s also true. I’ll take the ugliest truth over the most pleasant lie, any day at all (well, unless it’s Angelina Jolie telling me how massive my Biblical equipment seemed).

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