Get a horse

Posted: March 29, 2011 by Sean M. in FAIL Britannia!, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Green Goofs, Lame


The European Commission on Monday unveiled a “single European transport area” aimed at enforcing “a profound shift in transport patterns for passengers” by 2050.

The plan also envisages an end to cheap holiday flights from Britain to southern Europe with a target that over 50 per cent of all journeys above 186 miles should be by rail.

Top of the EU’s list to cut climate change emissions is a target of “zero” for the number of petrol and diesel-driven cars and lorries in the EU’s future cities.

Anybody else see a flaw in this plan? For those of you who don’t speak British, “lorries” are trucks, and the last time I had been to any kind of store that sold food of any kind, that food is delivered almost exclusively by “lorries.”

I suppose that the geniuses who came up with this plan have come up with some sort of alternative where food and other supplies required by city-dwellers will be delivered by public transportation without causing commuter delays or otherwise completely fucking up Europe’s cities.

Also, you might want to plan out your subway route to the hospital in case your wife goes into labor or you have a heart attack.

  1. SOYLENT GREEN says:

    C’mon Sean. The food will be delivered by the same rainbow unicorns that supply all the electricity.
    As for getting to the hospital, hey, it’s the National Health, they ‘re better off staying home and doing that bypass right in the kitchen…assuming the rainbow unicorns provided enough hot water.

  2. Veeshir says:

    The plan also envisages an end to cheap holiday flights from Britain to southern Europe with a target that over 50 per cent of all journeys above 186 miles should be by rail.

    How do you say, “Go fuck yourself” in English?

  3. MikeD says:

    Oh quit worrying. Once the Muslims have crossed the 50% population threshold in Europe, they’ll put an end to this climate change nonsense. But ironically enough, they’ll use less carbon because they’ll just ride non-Moslems as transport.

  4. Storm Saxon's Gall Bladder says:

    How much for a holiday trip to north africa so they can see actual “cars” driving around? They’ll pay $75 to ride in an automobile for ten minutes around the pyramids and have their picture taken in the “parking lot”.

    Meanwhile, aegyptians of 2040 will travel to northern Europe to see actual camels and donkeys pulling wagons through the unpaved streets. “Golly!”

  5. Ogre says:

    The fuel for the trains: where does that come from? Is it magic fuel, unlike the petrol burned in cars? I doubt it. This plan might work if every single place a person would ever need to go is right next to the train station. Homes and businesses not right next to the rails — what do they do, use camels?

    The difference in emissions, compared to the filth and sludge produced by China and India: would it be more like pissing in the ocean or like removing one grain of sand from the Sahara?

    The beauty of this is it’d give Americans one more reason to not go to Europe. We already got all the good parts right in downtown Las Vegas, we have more great food in just a single dumpy little town in the South, if we want to view idiots and asshats, we have SF and Seattle.

    My proposal: end all flights between Europe and the U.S. Our new slogan: ‘Damn, we shoulda backed Germany and Japan. What were we thinking?’ or the more succinct ‘Europe: Who Cares?’

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