So This Is What Being A Rightwinger Is All About?

Posted: July 2, 2011 by Edward von Bear in Anklebiting rugrats, Baconblogging, Fun With Media

I know this was covered over at the Mothership, but the story about stupid lefties claiming Independence Day is a “Rightwing Holiday” brought some feelings simmering under the surface for a while to the surface. So, please let me address those who wish to claim this holiday is “Rightwing”

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Freedomfuck you with the flying fuckeagle of freedom. Fuck you for your stupidity. Fuck you for trying to marginalize this most glorious of days in our nation’s history. Fuck you for trying to make me feel bad or reticent about celebrating our freedom. And moundfuck you forever for trying to imply that the greatness unleashed on the 4th of July and the Declaration of Independence are things to hide under a blanket and be ashamed of.

Thinking our rights are entitled by our Creator to be free and pursue life, liberty, and happiness are partisan? Enjoy being on the anti-entitlement side and historyfuck you with a fucksoaked quillpen.

Believing the governors must receive their authorization and consent from the governed is a bad thing and worthy of the same scorn you heap upon a person wanting lower taxes? CrossingFuck you across the Delaware.

Believing all men are created equal should be subected to a David Brock web-based hissy fit? Ask this guy and then fuck you with your shame and idiocy.

No, stupid fucking liberals, I fucking will not shrink from embracing the beauty and freedom encased in our Celebration of Independence. I will not fucking shy away from proclaiming my American-ness and the freedom it has birthed for the world. I will not demur to anyone who dares mock my love of all of the opportunities and potential perpetually unleashed by the Founding Fathers. And I will fucking not hide under a bushel basket the light of freedom and hope for the world, nor dismiss the sacrifices to secure said light, set in motion in 1776. I owe it to the future to keep the past alive and celebrated, and I will gooffuck you in your goatse with a gored gorilla’s goldenfuckstick anyone who dares to seek to dismiss our Independence as if it were an election commercial with a midget.

So fuck you, lefties. Go fuck you for truly hating everything so much you wish to ascribe everything to your opponents, go to hell, and get out of my celebration space.

Oh, and this as well:

  1. alexthechick says:

    I like whoever it was who commented that the Right didn’t take over Independence Day, the Left abandoned it.

  2. MCPO Airdale says:

    I beginning to think we should let the anti-Americans have their own country. We should be able to fit them all into North Dakota and Minnesota. We’ll have to build the fence around it quickly, we don’t want patriotic Americans suffering from frostbite during the effort to seal these “people” off.

    • DejahThoris says:

      Can’t we just move them all to the state of Louisiana, to include Harvard University? I much prefer snow to mosquitoes and the morons who insisted it was a good idea to build a city below sea level right on an estuary.

      • Oh Hell no.

        Louisiana doesn’t want ’em. Never did.

        • Kristopher says:

          Wall off the cities they are the majority in. Then declare war on them and level those cities. Rent the survivors out to Chinese commie party hacks as forced labor.

          If they don’t like the concepts that this nation was founded on, they should get to experience other cultures’ notions of proper behavior.

    • Doo says:

      We want North Dakota. All kinds of coal and oil, not to mention the food that come from there.

    • perlhaqr says:

      With apologies to New Hampshire and the non-sucky parts of Michigan, I’ve long thought we should draw a straight line about 25 miles south of Chicago over to the East Coast, and then loop up around the west side and into Lake Michigan, and give it to Canada. But giving it to the Left seems like a reasonable solution, too. Maybe a drop south once you get far enough east so we can get rid of NYC, too.

  3. DejahThoris says:

    Wow. 40 pages of drivel* and they are basing it all on how many parades/celebrations got rained out. Apparently, they weren’t able to collect data on bee stings, insect activity, and projectile vomiting from eating too many hot dogs and drinking too much kool-aid (I preferred the raspberry and I hated hated hated grape and orange flavors). Because, by choosing to base correlation on a random precipitation event proves causality. Their margin of error is taken at the state level, which means they pulled it out of their ass, just like they shat that equation, of random variables, which looks a lot like the potluck dinners I remember being taken to at church events.

    *disclosure: I skimmed it, and mostly looked at their pretty graphs, the actual arguments were a little too mucus-y for me to stomach a closer examination.


  4. Well, that’s what happens when the libidiots consider themselves Citizens of the World!!!

  5. Eddie, you’re far too gentle.


    Not only am I tired of their ingnorance and contempt, I’m sick of their belief that they’re better than the rest of us, and that gives them the right to decide what is good for us.

    Being assraped by every knuckledragging, bloodthirsty member of the Religion of Pus…twice, would be too good for them. For starters.

  6. Dr Spank says:

    >Freedomfuck you with the flying fuckeagle of freedom.

    If that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye you’re dead, or a stinkin’ liberal.

  7. AlphaBase1 says:

    Probably could have found a photo of a real lefty douche for that facecock – there are plenty out there. I check this website hoping for facecocks – it seems a shame to waste them like this.

  8. Sean M. says:


  9. Old NFO says:

    Amen! Couldn’t have said it better myself! And yes, I agree with Alex they HAVE abandoned the 4th, the Constitution AND the Bill of Rights!

  10. BobG says:

    Makes you want to go out and bitch slap a hippie…

  11. perlhaqr says:

    Hunh. I had a slightly different reaction.

    Mine was: “Okay. You said it, not me.”

    If this guy wants to come right out and declare that the left hates the very idea of the founding, well, I’m willing to let them say that

  12. Groundhog says:

    I believe you stated things most eloquently and succinctly sir!

  13. […] a phone call.  Frankly this whole thing has me extremely pissed off and I could have always delivered something like this instead.  I do swear from time to time, usually when I’m frustrated, annoyed, or just down right […]

  14. DirtCrashr says:

    Yay!! My whirled-peas Lefty Parents hate the idea of the founding and believe that everything bad that happened in the world since-then is all America’s fault, either because we did *something* (anything), or because we FAILED to do *something-else,* and that the founding itself was just all about real-estate Money, and stealing land from the Indians.
    And they’re full of shit.

  15. Alpheus says:

    I hated the profanity used in this post–the profanity made it difficult to read.

    Having said that, I cannot agree with you more on the sentiments expressed here. How long has the Left attacked our freedoms, and denegrated everything that’s noble about the American Spirit? And now they are survived that they can’t “convert” anyone on Independence Day?

    Although I’ll never read this post again, I salute you! Now, where is that brain bleach?

    • MikeD says:

      Uh… I think you might have stumbled onto the wrong blog then. This is Eddiebear at his usual. If you didn’t know that… well… like I said, wrong blog.

      • Veeshir says:

        One thing about eddiebear, he doesn’t do these posts on a whim.

        He doesn’t do a “fuck”-ridden post for the people who disagree with him, he saves it for the people who are inimical to freedom and only pine for the ideals and unity of the Soviet Union.

        The people they’re aimed at deserve all the profanity and then some, anything less just wouldn’t be adequate.
        Besides, we’re kinda fucking foulmouthed around here.

    • “Profanity is the linguistic crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker.”

      But given the level of artistry in this post, no one can accuse Edward of being inarticulate.

      So I’ll have to go with my other pet theory, in that sometimes profanity is the best medium for conveying the level of contempt you have for a given subject.

      This is fucking certainly one of those fucking times.

  16. mdevietro says:

    Beautiful and exactly what I needed.

  17. Veeshir says:

    I hadn’t clicked on the face-cocking before.
    Face-cocking with the 4th of July? Genius.

  18. Jay G says:

    I stand in humbled awe at the feet of a true maestro. Eddie, you are a fucking genius.

  19. […] a phone call.  Frankly this whole thing has me extremely pissed off and I could have always delivered something like this instead.  I do swear from time to time, usually when I’m frustrated, annoyed, or just down right […]

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