A “real” modest proposal on contraception

Posted: March 3, 2012 by socklessjoe in Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Obama's Fault, Op/Sped

If Ms. Fluke wants a thousand bucks a year to keep herself both sexually entertained and childless, I think I want something too. (No, not the video. Heavens, no NOT the video, thankyouverymuch.)

I think men throughout these United States are entitled to a government-issued RealDoll, at a low, low price of six grand.

Hear me out.

Basement-dwelling, hideously deformed male bloggers aren’t quite as “popular” as Sandy at G’Town.  But we’re still entitled to just as much sexual gratification as the next person.  And at taxpayer insurance company expense, no less. Because… just because.

Cold and lifeless...the preferred alternative to sex with Sandra Fluke.

Now, you might understandably flinch at the sticker price.  I know, a little steep, eh?  But if dudes can get a good six years use out of it, we’re breaking even with Sandra Fluke’s platinum cooch requirements.  And really, we’re doing society one better.  No chance of sexually transmitted diseases, and absolutely no contraceptive failure with this thing!

But it gets better.

No more dates!  Think about what this will mean. No carbon-consuming car rides to haul your lady friend around town. No need for meals out on the town… always high in salt and fat.  Just stay home and eat some organic arugula and steamed carrots.  Think of all the reduced cardiovascular disease! And if more dudes had these things, perhaps Sandy Fluke wouldn’t need to spend so much on contraception. These things will practically pay for themselves.

And really, that’s why I think we can afford, for a measly extra thousand bucks, to upgrade to the version that looks like adult film star Jessica Drake.

Fake Drake

We are entitled to this.  I’m pretty sure that’s in the constitution.


How about a complementary subscription to Hustler and some lube?

  1. veeshir says:

    I’d just take the grand and spend it on hookers.

    One year I’d have one, another year I could have 10, another year 100.

    I’d even take one for the team and buy my own condoms.

  2. doubleplusundead says:

    I bet they took pics of their Cytherea model before Jessica.

    Let’s see who’s willing to admit they get that…

  3. SOYLENT GREEN says:

    Definitely cheaper in the long run (heh), that the attendant help expenses that would ensue from the alternate Free Government Hooker proposal.

    I can see the slogan now, “If you loved government cheese…”

  4. Marmo says:

    Another benefit is that as more men make use of their new companions, there will be fewer men available for this Fluke character to have sex with. And the less sex she has, the less of a need there will be for taxpayers to pay for her contraception, since she won’t be needing it as much.

  5. […] [Related post: My send-up of the Sandra Fluke controversy from March of 2012.] […]

  6. […] Satire: Male citizens should have government sex dolls. […]

  7. craigs List says:

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