Archive for August, 2012

So the idiot in Missouri said a stupid thing. The GOP ain’t the stupid party for nothing. I’m not defending him for saying that, but I’m wondering something after watching what’s happening.

The Dems are going to be talking about abortion and rape for the next three months. Obama’s going to be talking about abortion and rape as much as he can.

Let’s see how that works out.

You know they’ll overplay the hand, they already have, with Journolist trying to tie Ryan into that and seeming to imply that he, Ryan, is in favor of rape. The faux-obtusity over “forcible rape” is pretty funny too.

The abortion side is possibly worse.

Obama is proud of being in favor of partial-birth abortion.Minitrue likes “late term abortion”, they understand that people would be repulsed if they actually knew it meant letting the baby come part-way out and then sucking its brains out. A celebration of their love of baby-killing just doesn’t seem like a great idea to me, but they need to talk about something besides the world (blowing up) and the economy (blown up).

Which leads to something I saw at the Puppy Blender’s, the GOP will have a convention talking about the economy, the Dems will be talking about rape and abortion. Is that really a winner for Obama? Or is that a wiener?

As for Missouri, sure that moron is losing in the polls now, but can the Dems really keep up the Two Minutes Hate for over 2 months? Will the voters start to think about how they don’t have a job, the deficit is skyrocketing and Obamacare is bearing down on them?

Their choice is a guy who said something stupid or a woman who is all tied up with how great the last 3+ years have been.

I don’t know if I would write off Missouri and I’m not so sure that it will help them in other places, it might even hurt the Dems as they celebrate the death of babies.

And just for me, I’m thinking how hilarious it will be seeing Bill Clinton at center stage as the Dems go on and on about rape.

That’s gonna be funny.

Moby Begins

Posted: August 22, 2012 by Sean M. in FAIL, Fun with Elections, Fun With Media, Lame

It just wouldn’t be an election year without concern trolls, and one Michael Jenning of Van Nuys skips the blog comments sections, deciding instead to take to the letters page of the Los Angeles Times with the following missive:

A funny thing happens to me every time I convince myself to support the Republican Party, with its emphasis on individual freedom and its championing of ambition: Up pops another one of its politicians to display appalling ignorance. The latest of these “leaders” claims that he “misspoke” when he offered his idiotic musings on women’s bodies.

“Misspoke” is a term that originated, appropriately, in the Nixon administration. I think I’ll remind myself of this whenever I’m about to be conned into believing the GOP’s pieties.

Not bad, Michael, but allow me to give you a few pointers…

First of all, the “disgusted swing voter” persona is a decent way to go, but you can’t lay it on quite so thick. If you want the tourists to buy the idea that you were, like, totes for realsies gonna vote GOP but for Todd Akin tripping over his own dick, consider ditching the scare quotes around the word “leaders” and maybe use the capital-L instead. And when you’re using terms like “conned” and “pieties,” you lose the opportunity to take the moral high ground and affect a pose of head-shaking disappointment.

That brings me to my second critique: Why not go whole hog and claim to be a disaffected Republican? Talk about how you miss the GOP of old. How, say, if Eisenhower or (and I’m just spitballin’ here) Mitt Romney’s late father were here today, they would be just as disappointed as you. With more practice, you can go for the gusto and play the “Reagan couldn’t win the nomination today” card. If you’re going that route, though, don’t bother bringing up Nixon. Actual conservatives never really liked him and nobody but aging hippies really gives a shit about him anymore.

And while you’re trolling, don’t be afraid to use phrases like “as a Christian” or “as the father of [insert number between one and four] daughters” in order to amplify your concerns. Remember, you’ve got to have some skin in this game.

Well, Mike, I hope this has been helpful and that you’ll be convincing weak-willed squishes not to turn up at the polls come November. Until then, like someone else (and I think you know who I’m talking about) you can give yourself a Solid B+.

This is so typical that it really needs to be pointed out more.

And if anyone is ready, willing and able to elucidate the obvious, it’s me.

A gun “buyback” program run by the police were giving people $75 per gun. These programs really steam me off. All they accomplish is to take grandpa’s Garand and turn it into razor blades and tooth picks.

From the article,

Equally unlikely, said Sessions, who assisted the foundation with its guns buyback for nine years, is the notion that gang members would be among those turning in guns.

“They really would like to see the gangs turn in the guns,” Sessions said. “And I tell them, ‘Keep wishing that.’ But it’s not going to happen.”

Gang members, first of all, want to hold onto their guns because “a gun means power. And two, they see us, the police, and they say ‘We don’t want to be caught with a gun.’

Yes, you’re not getting gangbanger guns, but there’s an overriding reason they don’t mention. Illegal guns cost more than legal guns. I mean, I’ve never bought or sold an illegal gun, but that’s just elementary.

So they bought a bunch of grandpa’s squirrel and military guns and got absolutely no gangbangers’ guns and we see this.

Saturday’s collection was deemed a success as 244 firearms were collected along with a crossbow.

A “success”? How can you call that a success?

All weapons collected are melted down.

Oh right, you’re not anti-crime, you’re just afraid of guns.

At least there were people on the streets trying to buy them for $80-$150 and the cops said it was fine, so we have that going for us.

Via Say Uncle, who seems like a nice guy even if he does like Glocks.

Post needs  a gun. Hmmm, what haven’t I posted lately?

Two guns I hope never get melted down. My .500 S&W and my Wildey in .475 Wildey magnum.

My will includes who gets my guns. My family would sell them all for $25 so long as they were melted down. I really don’t want to have to think about that, Hell will be bad enough.

Okay, he get points for…

Posted: August 20, 2012 by doubleplusundead in Fun with Elections

…leaving Piers Morgan hanging with no guest.  He’s not getting a pass for his derptard statements, but Akin earned a little bit of redemption for that move.  Anyone who screws Piers Morgan that way* can’t be all bad.

I’m just sayin’.

*From what I understand from doctors, at least Piers Morgan can’t get pregnant from it…if he legitimately gets screwed that way his body has ways to try and shut that down…or he’s male, one of the two…

Real Football

Posted: August 20, 2012 by veeshir in Crapblog News, Random Crap

Football Fact: Roughly 8 seconds after your team’s season ends you miss football.

Except….. when your team wins the Super Bowl, then it takes a long time until you miss football.

I still don’t really miss it. Of course, I got a DVD of the Top Ten Giants Games and man was that a fun couple of days. Watching LT fly around the field in the 86 playoffs was a lot of fun.
I see football is almost here. I can tell because ESPN is doing their annual, Sucking Of Vick’s Dick and Picking The Cowboys And Eagles one/two in the NFC East. Eh, at least I don’t have to listen to them suck Favre’s dick.

So we doing fantasy football this year? Who is usually in charge of it? Do I have to do it since I brought it up?

I need answers folks.

 

UPDATE: I’ve been wanting to write about the replacement refs, this seems like a good place.

I haven’t watched all that many games this preseason, but I watched a lot last season and that was the worst officiated season I’ve ever seen. The replacements, contra all the people sucking the NFL’s dicks, can’t be any worse.

Seriously, last season was horrendous. A couple times I thought the refs were picking on the Giants, but then they would screw up for them, so they just sucked.

There was one game, Titans maybe?, where they scored to go ahead with a couple seconds left, but the refs made a really shitty call, so the Titans lost. No ref was fired, no disciplinary action was discussed.

Fuck em.

I say, let the scabs suck rather than pay more for professional suckage.

Or just a bunch of idiots?

Alas, just a giggle of idiots.

That’s too bad as it’s almost as funny as the plaque below and I would really prefer to share the world with people who think that’s funny than people who don’t.

One Term More.

It’s an unintentionally hilarious paean to a second Obama term. It’s called “Parody” but it’s not a parody of idiot leftists (at least not intentionally), it’s a parody of Les Mis “please don’t sue us”.

The whole thing is funny, but I feel like making extra fun of part of it. Lyrics here for those who don’t want to waste a couple minutes watching smug idiots who refuse to keep their mouths closed and thus, have erased all doubts.

With laws that let ’em stand their ground,
Republicans are locked & loaded.

Yeah, imagine letting people stand their ground (which laws had nothing to do with that kid in Florida) instead of forcing Americans to run and hide under their beds. (Did we lose a war with France or something and I missed it?)

 

Contraception’s now a sin,

Actually, it’s been a sin for a number of religions for a long time. What’s new is that not wanting to pay for someone else’ contraception is now a sin.

Screwing G.M. in the clutch.

Wait, don’t you mean “GM’s screwing the taxpayer”?

 

Incivility’s a virtue,

No, they’re not talking about Obama and Biden. See? Reality just eludes them.

 

Homophobic. Out of touch.

 

Yeah, I mean, if you believe as Obama said he did last year you’re a homophobe.

 

Filibusters. Budget scrums.

 

I thought this was about the evil Rethuglicans, why do you keep bringing up Dem perfidy? I mean, I know the Dem Senate hasn’t passed a budget in years so I don’t know if you could call that a “scrum”, but that would be much more accurate a statement about them.

Ultrasounds & speculums.

 

Are they saying that you want an ultrasound to see the baby punishment before you abort it?

And really, you can’t come up with a better rhyme for “scrum”? The problem is that our fine lefty friends have made so many words verboten that finding rhymes is harder than necessary.

They could have gone for “bum”, but that’s ungood, plus ungood. Hmmm, ‘slum’? Nope, that’s doubleplus ungood, “thrum” would have worked, but that’s associated with factories and working, so that’s out. I know, “Drum”, they could have worked in a “circle of drum” or something. But no, they went for “speculum” to seem all smart and medical and shit.
I have to skip ahead for the best part.

Unemployment’s in retreat!

 

Perhaps in the community based reality, but in actual reality, not so much.

 

It’s both funny and endy how many people believe things that just aren’t so. Arguing is a waste of time anymore as you have to spend all your time debating facts.

“Unemployment is up”

“No, it’s retreating”

Why bother? Just point and laugh. At least you get some use out of them.

Saw it at Stoaty Weasel’s.

I can link her because I won our blogwar. She fixed the link to DPUD in her blogroll after only a year or so. In other words, I beat the English in a war shorter than both the Revolution and the War of 1812 and I didn’t need Old Ironsides to do it.

Fuck off, Todd Akin

Posted: August 19, 2012 by aliceaitch in GOP FAIL, Moron of the Day, WTF Is Wrong With Missouri

I shouldn’t have to say this, but given that he’s going to be held up as what every conservative believes, here’s the denouncement.

What Todd Akin said was ridiculous, medically unsound, and despicable.  No one in his right mind believes that a woman won’t get pregnant if she’s raped.

If we lose Missouri in the general election, it will be because Todd Akin is a douchebag.  He deserves to lose his election for being so stupid, both stupid for believing this and stupid for saying it.  If he somehow manages to ride on the conservative wave and win the Senate seat he’s running for, there had better be a plan in place for replacing him as soon as possible, preferably through resignation and replacement if possible.  The GOP does not need this sort of anti-woman asshattery in its leadership.

Anyone who defends or minimizes what Akin said is deserving of every bit of scorn that’s heaped on them.

In case you haven’t managed to see the colossal douchebaggery, here you go: