Archive for August, 2012

Okay, he get points for…

Posted: August 20, 2012 by doubleplusundead in Fun with Elections

…leaving Piers Morgan hanging with no guest.  He’s not getting a pass for his derptard statements, but Akin earned a little bit of redemption for that move.  Anyone who screws Piers Morgan that way* can’t be all bad.

I’m just sayin’.

*From what I understand from doctors, at least Piers Morgan can’t get pregnant from it…if he legitimately gets screwed that way his body has ways to try and shut that down…or he’s male, one of the two…

Real Football

Posted: August 20, 2012 by veeshir in Crapblog News, Random Crap

Football Fact: Roughly 8 seconds after your team’s season ends you miss football.

Except….. when your team wins the Super Bowl, then it takes a long time until you miss football.

I still don’t really miss it. Of course, I got a DVD of the Top Ten Giants Games and man was that a fun couple of days. Watching LT fly around the field in the 86 playoffs was a lot of fun.
I see football is almost here. I can tell because ESPN is doing their annual, Sucking Of Vick’s Dick and Picking The Cowboys And Eagles one/two in the NFC East. Eh, at least I don’t have to listen to them suck Favre’s dick.

So we doing fantasy football this year? Who is usually in charge of it? Do I have to do it since I brought it up?

I need answers folks.

 

UPDATE: I’ve been wanting to write about the replacement refs, this seems like a good place.

I haven’t watched all that many games this preseason, but I watched a lot last season and that was the worst officiated season I’ve ever seen. The replacements, contra all the people sucking the NFL’s dicks, can’t be any worse.

Seriously, last season was horrendous. A couple times I thought the refs were picking on the Giants, but then they would screw up for them, so they just sucked.

There was one game, Titans maybe?, where they scored to go ahead with a couple seconds left, but the refs made a really shitty call, so the Titans lost. No ref was fired, no disciplinary action was discussed.

Fuck em.

I say, let the scabs suck rather than pay more for professional suckage.

Or just a bunch of idiots?

Alas, just a giggle of idiots.

That’s too bad as it’s almost as funny as the plaque below and I would really prefer to share the world with people who think that’s funny than people who don’t.

One Term More.

It’s an unintentionally hilarious paean to a second Obama term. It’s called “Parody” but it’s not a parody of idiot leftists (at least not intentionally), it’s a parody of Les Mis “please don’t sue us”.

The whole thing is funny, but I feel like making extra fun of part of it. Lyrics here for those who don’t want to waste a couple minutes watching smug idiots who refuse to keep their mouths closed and thus, have erased all doubts.

With laws that let ’em stand their ground,
Republicans are locked & loaded.

Yeah, imagine letting people stand their ground (which laws had nothing to do with that kid in Florida) instead of forcing Americans to run and hide under their beds. (Did we lose a war with France or something and I missed it?)

 

Contraception’s now a sin,

Actually, it’s been a sin for a number of religions for a long time. What’s new is that not wanting to pay for someone else’ contraception is now a sin.

Screwing G.M. in the clutch.

Wait, don’t you mean “GM’s screwing the taxpayer”?

 

Incivility’s a virtue,

No, they’re not talking about Obama and Biden. See? Reality just eludes them.

 

Homophobic. Out of touch.

 

Yeah, I mean, if you believe as Obama said he did last year you’re a homophobe.

 

Filibusters. Budget scrums.

 

I thought this was about the evil Rethuglicans, why do you keep bringing up Dem perfidy? I mean, I know the Dem Senate hasn’t passed a budget in years so I don’t know if you could call that a “scrum”, but that would be much more accurate a statement about them.

Ultrasounds & speculums.

 

Are they saying that you want an ultrasound to see the baby punishment before you abort it?

And really, you can’t come up with a better rhyme for “scrum”? The problem is that our fine lefty friends have made so many words verboten that finding rhymes is harder than necessary.

They could have gone for “bum”, but that’s ungood, plus ungood. Hmmm, ‘slum’? Nope, that’s doubleplus ungood, “thrum” would have worked, but that’s associated with factories and working, so that’s out. I know, “Drum”, they could have worked in a “circle of drum” or something. But no, they went for “speculum” to seem all smart and medical and shit.
I have to skip ahead for the best part.

Unemployment’s in retreat!

 

Perhaps in the community based reality, but in actual reality, not so much.

 

It’s both funny and endy how many people believe things that just aren’t so. Arguing is a waste of time anymore as you have to spend all your time debating facts.

“Unemployment is up”

“No, it’s retreating”

Why bother? Just point and laugh. At least you get some use out of them.

Saw it at Stoaty Weasel’s.

I can link her because I won our blogwar. She fixed the link to DPUD in her blogroll after only a year or so. In other words, I beat the English in a war shorter than both the Revolution and the War of 1812 and I didn’t need Old Ironsides to do it.

Fuck off, Todd Akin

Posted: August 19, 2012 by aliceaitch in GOP FAIL, Moron of the Day, WTF Is Wrong With Missouri

I shouldn’t have to say this, but given that he’s going to be held up as what every conservative believes, here’s the denouncement.

What Todd Akin said was ridiculous, medically unsound, and despicable.  No one in his right mind believes that a woman won’t get pregnant if she’s raped.

If we lose Missouri in the general election, it will be because Todd Akin is a douchebag.  He deserves to lose his election for being so stupid, both stupid for believing this and stupid for saying it.  If he somehow manages to ride on the conservative wave and win the Senate seat he’s running for, there had better be a plan in place for replacing him as soon as possible, preferably through resignation and replacement if possible.  The GOP does not need this sort of anti-woman asshattery in its leadership.

Anyone who defends or minimizes what Akin said is deserving of every bit of scorn that’s heaped on them.

In case you haven’t managed to see the colossal douchebaggery, here you go:

Okay, that’s funny.

The story is about how California took in a third less in sales tax revenue this year after a new budget. I can only assume that California legislators are just like NY legislators, so they raised taxes to increase tax revenue even though the last 86 times they raised taxes, it lowered tax revenue.

But that’s just too typical of our political betters to really be all that funny. Pathetic mostly. No, this is what’s really funny about that story.

First, the setup.

the state’s $9.6 billion cash deficit that was rolled over from the June 30th fiscal year has catapulted to $18 billion last month.

Get that? They’ve doubled their deficit in a couple of months. So how to make that up?

One way is to Sell “stock” (treasuries) in California. That part is pretty funny (but not the really funny part)

Today California quickly began trying to sell $10 billion in municipal bonds to fund the record $28 billion they need to keep the lights on.

Heh. Math is obviously not their strong suit.

Now we’re up to the hilarity.
They elected Governor Moonbeam to fix all the problems caused by Bush, Reagan and Adam Smith, so what does he do about an $18 billion deficit that doubled over the summer?

 Governor Brown used his line-item veto authority to strike $128.9 million in spending from the $91.3 billion California general fund before signing the state budget.

Bwahahahahahahhahahahahah. $128 million is less than 1% of  their $18 billion deficit (.7%), much less their $91 billion budget.

So as they are about to go broke in a big way, as they are about to not be able to pay their bills, he cut not much more than 1/10 of 1% of their budget.

That’s like putting Bactine on the paper cut on your finger while blood gushes out of the stump where your leg used to be.

Californians will soon be wishing for leaders who only fiddle while their state burns. Their current, enthusiastically elected, leaders, are busy filling their fiddles in gasoline and dumping them on the fires.

I only hope they have lots of marshmallows, they might as well get some use out of the destruction of their once-proud state.

I’m torn.

On the one hand, California deserves what it gets and they are going to give the rest of us an idea of what’s going to happen when the economic fantasy the entire world is living in comes crashing down.

On the other hand, I now live in AZ, I foresee a lot of Californians trying to make their way back into America and we’re close (at least we’re far away from the real trouble spots of Sacramento, San Fran and the rest of northern California).

Saw the link at the Puppy Blender’s. Reading him is mostly depressing anymore.

Seriously.

I had a long post about how stupid it is out there, but I think that a pic of a plaque commemorating their first kiss does it far better.

UPDATE:

Okay, I’ve been thinking about this and I think I figured something out.

I’m actually the “Truman” of a real Truman Show and the ratings are down so the producers decided to just make it more and more ridiculous until I figure it out. So we’re not in the Funniest End of Civilization Ever, I’m in the Most Absurd End of a Series Ever (excepting the finale of Lost).

Some people are amazing

Posted: August 17, 2012 by aliceaitch in Win!, WTF Is Wrong With Colorado

Two frequently climbed 14,000+ foot mountains (known as 14ers) in Colorado are Mt. Evans and Mt. Bierstadt.  They are both relatively easy (for a 14er) climbs on their own, both with Class II routes to the summit.  A Class II route may not be an easy trail, you might occasionally have to put a hand out onto a rock for balance.  Evans and Bierstadt share a saddle called the Sawtooth, which is a Class III route.  Class III means that you will likely be using your hands, you probably won’t need ropes to climb it but it might be a good idea to have them with you.

On August 11 at about 7pm, a hiker named Scott Washburn made a post on the website 14ers.com, stating he and his wife Amanda were hiking the Sawtooth when they found an abandoned German Shepherd.  The dog’s paws were cracked and covered in dried blood and the dog appeared dehydrated and gaunt.  Despite giving the dog food and water and bandaging its paws, they were unable to convince her to walk down with them.  The size of the dog (around 100 pounds) made it impossible for the couple to carry the dog down the Class III terrain on their own. The Washburns called the local Search and Rescue organization but were told that the services were for humans, not pets.

(more…)

Okay, one thing I gotta criticize Ryan for

Posted: August 17, 2012 by doubleplusundead in GOP FAIL

Rage Against the Machine?  Dude’s a Rage fan?  Ugh.  Damn dude…why?  WHY?  Makes me question your sanity.

I fucking despise RATM, always have, always fucking will.  Haaaaaaaaaaaaate.  Oh well, at least he’s already pissed off some of the band members.

In other audio vectors for AIDS news, Limp Bizkit is apparently no more, Rosetta at the H2 is inconsolable.

Two of the University of Colorado campuses are segregating their campus housing, based on whether a student has a CCW permit.

So now we know the following things about CU Boulder and CU Colorado Springs student housing…

  1. The dorms where other conservative students can be met will be easily found
  2. It will be easy to avoid younger students since the age to obtain a CCW permit in Colorado is 21
  3. Rapists, murderers, and burglars will have an easy time finding the dorm where they won’t get killed practicing their craft

Any questions?

(CU Denver isn’t in this, likely only because they have no on-campus housing.)

Once again confirming

Posted: August 16, 2012 by doubleplusundead in Fucking Markets, Fun with Elections, Government FAIL

The Boomers can’t die soon enough.  Maybe a bit of hyperbole there.  Maybe.

Paul Ryan may not want to throw Boomers off a cliff…I’m quickly getting to quite alright with the idea, and yes, I’m in the upper end of that 46% KP is talking about, I straddle the line between X and Y agewise.  And yes, most of the 18-29 range is full of contemptable liberal derptards, but Boomers?

You know it’s fucking true, mostly your kids, and you taught ’em, or your local leftist educator did.

The good news, if KP and Zogby are to be believed, is that demographic is quickly learning to be as repulsed by government as I am.  Good.  As always, I’m ahead of the curve.  Because I rule, bitches.  You are of course reading the post of a guy who faintly remembers being bitched at by a teacher in third grade for sneering and making faces being forced to watch the Clinton inauguration.  See, I was an evil archconservative even as a little kid, yes, completely heartless too.

It got tiresome having this fucking song play whenever I walked into rooms or buildings as a kid, hide and seek fucking sucked…by the way, Charlie Daniels* is full of shit, I’ve never even been to Georgia.

I already know I won’t see a fucking dime of the Social Security that gets taken out of my check, I won’t see a dime of Medicare, and of course I can’t opt out of throwing fistfuls of money into the sinking ships.  Ditto welfare, which needs to be gone at like Leatherface with a fucking chainsaw.  Boomers on the whole, with a noted core of exceptions (probably a good % of Boomers that read here and the HQ, though I’ve seen enough Boomer derptardedness at the HQ to know that number isn’t 100%), want to punt the football or increase taxes.  All well and good except that the Boomers and Governments are like two Michael Moore sized parasites shouting MOAR! at an economy that is quickly beginning to look like an extra from Schindler’s List.  No moar blood guys, the host is tapped out.

So yes, in short, I’m happy to see Paul Ryan make his arrival.

*Not actually full of shit, Charlie Daniels is fucking awesome!  One of the few acts in country that don’t cause my Yankee snob ears to bleed.