Archive for March, 2013

Vegetables

Posted: March 31, 2013 by doubleplusundead in Random Crap

They suck, they tried to be fruit and didn’t make the fucking cut, especially you onion, you fucking fail so hard with your eye-burning, wretched tasting and smelling self.  People think it was the CIA that released AIDS onto the public, but I know your fucking secret, onion.  I’m on to you.  Now, I know what you’re about to say, and remember, tomatoes are technically a fruit, corn is technically a grain, and potato is kinda a big derpy grain too (potato roll, motherfuckers!).  Lettuce, cucumber, bean sprouts, peppers, cabbage and carrots are the only ones worth granting some clemency to, lettuce to bring something to sammiches, cabbage and carrot for slaw and assorted asian take out goodness (but not that nasty sweet shit slaw most people make, there’s a place in town that makes their own that fucking rules) and carrot cake, peppers because,

Cucumbers because pickles rule, bean sprouts because you need that shit to cool you down when you order full heat pad thai.

Yaaay Easter!

Posted: March 31, 2013 by doubleplusundead in Random Crap

There’s something kind of funny about going to your relatives’ home to eat ham in celebration of the death and resurrection of a Jewish guy.  Anyway, hope all three of our readers have a nice holiday weekend.

Or,

Easter

The latter, I think.

Ode to Mom Jeans

Posted: March 28, 2013 by socklessjoe in Brevity etc., Hotassery, Random Crap

They’re not all bad…

mom_ali_super

Via The Superficial

(more…)

Awesome: Reason’s answer to Jim Carrey

Posted: March 28, 2013 by doubleplusundead in This Is My BOOMSTICK!

Fuckin win here,

bfd
Good news, hipsters: Your T-shirt is 32 percent more ironic!

 
Nancy said that they’d have to pass the bill to find out what’s in it, and today we find out that includes higher premiums for a lot of people:

A new study finds that insurance companies will have to pay out an average of 32 percent more for medical claims on individual health policies under President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul.

What does that mean for you?

It could increase premiums for at least some Americans.

If you are uninsured, or you buy your policy directly from an insurance company, you should pay attention.

Wait a minute, how is this possible? I thought Obamacare was all about “bending the cost curve down.” This kind of sounds like the opposite of that to me. What the hell could possibly make premiums go up under this wonderful, totes for realsies awesome law?

The study says claims costs will go up largely because sicker people will join the insurance pool. That’s because the law forbids insurers from turning down those with pre-existing medical problems, effective Jan. 1. Everyone gets sick sooner or later, but sicker people also use more health care services.

“Claims cost is the most important driver of health care premiums,” said Kristi Bohn, an actuary who worked on the study. Spending on sicker people and other high-cost groups will overwhelm an influx of younger, healthier people into the program, said the report.

Oh, riiiiiight. It’s that pesky supply and demand stuff that all the cool kids were apparently snoozing through in high school economics class.

While some states will see medical claims costs per person decline, the report concluded that the overwhelming majority will see double-digit increases in their individual health insurance markets, where people purchase coverage directly from insurers.

The differences are big. By 2017, the estimated increase would be 62 percent for California, about 80 percent for Ohio, more than 20 percent for Florida and 67 percent for Maryland. Much of the reason for the higher claims costs is that sicker people are expected to join the pool, the report said.

It should be pointed out that this study was put out by the Society of Actuaries. These are the dull, gray people who look at Real Melvin stuff like risk tables to determine that all of the interesting things that you do like smoking, skydiving, or having diabetes tends to have a bunch of bummer consequences in the real world, such as prolonged hospital stays, death, and–as a result of those things–higher insurance premiums.

In other words, maybe they should have consulted these people instead of the Skittle-shitting unicorns when crafting legislation that would have some serious impacts on millions of people.

Speaking of unicorns:

The Obama administration challenged the design of the study, saying it focused only on one piece of the puzzle and ignored cost relief strategies in the law, such as tax credits to help people afford premiums and special payments to insurers who attract an outsize share of the sick.

Because that money just magically comes out of nowhere. Problem solved.

Yeah.

I’ve actually been too busy to birl the tubes, I was veeshired. I also changed the title, I always get that wrong.

Let’s start with some “Smirt Daplomacy” stuff.

Lebanese acting kinda scares as they laugh at Obama arming jihadis in Syria.

Great quote, you know they’re just shaking their heads and laughing/cringing.

The United States backed “the coalition’s vision for a tolerant, inclusive Syria that respects the rights of all Syrians.

After noting that the guy people trusted said, “I’m outta here”.

In Egypt, some more of that brillyents,

Islamic hard-liners stormed a mosque in suburban Cairo, turning it into torture chamber for Christians who had been demonstrating against the ruling Muslim Brotherhood

Now we see why Christians are now the most oppressed religion, Muslims have killed or ejected all the Jews, now they’re working on Christians.

So as Syria is a nightmare, Egypt is becoming a nightmare and the Palestinians continue their rocket and mortar attacks on Israel, the AP knows who’s to blame. Do you really need me to tell you?

This surprises me.

Recent photographs show workers in Saudi Arabia demolishing some of the oldest sections of the Grand Mosque in Mecca, London’s Independent reports.

Not even Press TV (official Iranian mouthpiece, like MSNBC but they show the other side sometimes) is covering it.

I’m not surprised the grievance mongers who bash the Israelis for planting olives on the 13th holiest site in Islam are quiet, but since it appears Syria is a heat-up of the war between Iran (Hezbollah, Assad) and Saudi Arabia (al Quaeda, various, other terrorists), I’d expect Iran to make some noises. Huh.

I did notice this when I clicked.

An Egyptian minister says direct flights in the form of charter flights will resume between Iran and Egypt within the coming weeks.

More jihadis for Egypt! Yay. Dudes probably kept blowing up when they had to make a connection. I know it usually pisses me off.

I didn’t have enough time for more overseas, I do have a bunch of hilarity in this one so just a couple, domestic, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! or at least GO TO THE GULAG!!!!

This one’s confusing. Huckabee warning the GOP about gay marriage.This one’s about Dem senators going gaga for gay marriage.

It seems awfully early in the election cycle to get people riled up on gay marriage, for both sides. I know the Supreme Court is taking it up, it’s going to be interesting.

From the I Used To Live There files, VA has a voter ID law.  Racist! I mean, just cuz you need an ID for everything else it’s racist to require it for voting!

Via the Puppy Blender, Moe Lane notices Obama’s tool responding to a tweet from a fictitious congress-critter.

Kinda puts that threatening tweet at the Norks in perspective.

Cruz birthers are going to be a hoot. I mean, the mental contortions of making fun of Obama birthers while being a Cruz birther will be infuriatingly funny, which is not as good as funny but better than infuriating.

Via Jay we see unions acting like their fine, Wisconsin brothers. So some cops are letting good behavior prisoners out to do work, ala the guy from Shawshank, but he just has them do stuff around the town like painting the police station and shoveling walks. So the unions are all, “Hey! That’s union work!”, I guess their wives don’t make apple pies stuffed with hundred dollar bills.

But, as jay notes, there’s one problem.

The head of Arlington’s Housing Authority says, because of budget cuts, his agency would not have been able to hire the job out anyway.

Mudderpocking sonsomabatching iceholes.

Via the Jawas, Help a Brother Out.  Dude’s selling his autographed picture of Jim Carrey to buy a gun. He’s up to $444 now, that’s pretty darn close to a Glock to scare good ole’ Jim. I’d love to see him get enough to buy the gun Mr Gabby Giffords was gonna buy. That would be funny.

Via Harvey we see this Ramirez comic.

RAMFNLclr-032513-buck-IBD-C.jpg.cms

Rush Limbaugh needs to get a fund going for buses to Mexico so the DHS can dump them and not pay for transportation back to Mexico. Airfare to the Europeans might be too expensive, but if we started a fund….

A little global warmmongering humor. Global worming is hitting Europe so hard,

Ornithologists have reported that migratory birds coming from the south have turned back.

I picture Daffy Duck saying, “Fuck that.”

The swallows will be back in Capistrano next year. And you know it’s going to be caused by Global Worming!

Russian scientists are predicting an ice age based on the Sun not doing what it’s supposed to be doing. I don’t know if I believe it, we just don’t have a long enough baseline for how the Sun is supposed to act, but…

That might be better than an asteroid. It would be a targeted disaster. Leftist nitwits hardest hit, people with brains enough to go south out of the cold would have a good chance (Hello from sunny Arizona!).

Then the Mexicans will suddenly think a wall is a great thing as Abrams and Bradleys go strolling across the Sonoran desert and the Rio Grande.

Last, and most freaky, via that guy who better hope he’s a lumberjack if he lives near the glaciers we get this bit of optic delusion.

Gastrointestinal Russian Roulette

Posted: March 25, 2013 by doubleplusundead in Random Crap

I just ate Taco Bell…

1895nagant

I am kind of busy today, but I still birled the tubes so here’s some endy, some funny and some hotassery.

A drudgetaposition, smart diplomacy edition

Turkey welcomes Israel apology for defending against terrorist flotilla!

Turkish PM Backtracks On Obama-Brokered Deal With Netanyahu.

Shit, now we have to apologize to Israel for two things. First, Obama getting Netanyahu to apologize to terrorists enableers, and now this.

Barbra Streisand to perform in Tel Aviv

Poor bastards.

Lebanon’s gov’t dissolves itself. I figure Hezbollah will move in. Oh well, they had their Cedar Revolution and they allowed Jew-hatred to fuck it up.

Via the Jawas, A look at Hezbollah’s politicking.

(Note: I have no idea where that is and I condemn myself for laughing every time I watch it)

Global worming attacks Ukraine!

Heavy snow, extremely rare for late March, virtually paralyzed traffic in Kyiv, and led to many international flights out of the city’s airports delayed and cancelled.

I wonder if Al Gore was in the neighborhood.

A week or two ago I had a story about how Britain Airstrip One investigated the assassination of one of Tsar Putin’s enemies in London and they hid the results (Ignorance is Strength!). Tsar Putin I shows his gratitude as only a Bond-Villain/KBG Agent/Tsar can.

Boris Berezovsky, the Russian oligarch who helped broker Vladimir Putin’s rise to the Kremlin’s top job only to become his fierce enemy, has been found dead at his home in Britain in unclear circumstances.

Eh, so does that mean Oceania is…has always been at war with Eurasia?

Via Samizdata, more Airstrip One news, some friend of O’Brien’s had this to say about their new restrictions on free speech, journalism and blogging.

Headline of the op-ed.

Press regulation: the royal charter deal is a move towards a better democracy

In the body

believe there is a need to totally re-evaluate the way we look at the relationship between the media and democracy. … I believe our developing concept of a duty of care should be extended to “a care” for our shared but fragile democratic values.

Freedom Is Slavery!

I was wrong, the Senate did pass a budget. It appears to be so full of poisoned pills that any Dem senator due for reelection next year voted against itand therefore, has no chance of being passed by the House so we still won’t have a budget.

I linked to Minitrue (The Hill) just for this quote though

Democrats had been dogged by criticism for failing to approve a budget resolution since 2009 and the vote removes that GOP talking point from the political scene.

Assholes. GOP talking point? That should be journalists’ talking point, you assholes pretend to be “impartial” even as you just root for your chosen side.

Fuck you.

Speaking of worrying about being reelected, we see these assholes are not worried and if people would pay attention they should be.

The list of 20 GOP senators who voted to fund Obamacare. Some of the usual suspects, Chambliss, Hatch, Collins. Some I”m surprised like Cornyn and Isakson, and one I’m utterly shocked isn’t there, Fucking McCain. Of course, he’s up for reelection and I’m hoping his primary isn’t pretty.  One I’m confused about, is Murkewkskey an Independent?

Alexander (R-TN)          Barrasso (R-WY)
Blunt (R-MO)                   Boozman (R-AR)
Chambliss (R-GA)         Coats (R-IN)
Cochran (R-MS)            Collins (R-ME)
Corker (R-TN)                Cornyn (R-TX)

Hatch (R-UT)                  Hoeven (R-ND)
Isakson (R-GA)             Johanns (R-NE)
McConnell (R-KY)       Murkowski (R-AK)
Sessions (R-AL)            Shelby (R-AL)
Thune (R-SD)              Wicker (R-MS)

Fuck you Mitch McConnell. You especially are a slimy piece of shit. I look forward to you voting yes on the Take Veeshir’s Guns bill you and Feinstein are figuring out now.

Speaking of which…..

From the Barrel of a Gun (blog) we see this.

0147

It would be funny if it weren’t true.

Obama’s EPA helping bestialists.

NCBA and the National Pork Producers Council are both furious with EPA for handing extremist groups illegally gathered data on farmers who operate confined animal feeding operations.

Motherfucking assholes are out of fucking control, they care not for laws, propriety or anything but advancing their religion.

This one is interesting, the Senate voted against any UN “Take Veeshir’s Guns” Treaty.

Sen. James Inhofe (R-Okla.) introduced an amendment that would prevent the United States from entering into the United Nations Arms Trade Treaty in order to uphold the Second Amendment. His amendment passed on a 53-46 vote.

It worked on Kyoto, but this bit of good paranoia from my favorite ‘stan (SondraKistan) is good, paranoiac reading.

This is the conclusion, you’ll have to actually make with the clicky to read the build-up (Hint: It has to do with the DHS buying all the ammo in America so the Police can’t get any)

Okay, that’s all for now, people. I want a report on my desk in the morning to include:
1. How this might lead to a federal “civilian defense force.”
2. How this might lead to federal licensing of civilian ammunition purchases.
3. How this accommodates enforcement of the proposed UN arms treaty without a need to actually ratify it.

Good paranoia just keeps spreading, no one, and I  mean no one (most especially his allies), trusts Obama to even pay lip-service to the Constitution.
Wherein Veeshir agrees with Obama!

President Barack Obama says each of his proposed steps to reduce gun violence should get a vote in Congress _ even an assault weapons ban that both parties agree stands little chance at passing.

First, get this shit over with. Second, if it fails then good, if it passes, then good. We need the fucking showdown soon. Nickle and diming our rights away is pissing me off.

I do wonder why he said it in Jordan, is he trying to make jihadis understand he’s doing his best to disarm us for their attacks?

I cannot put anything, no matter how despicably murderous, past Mr Fast and Furious Benghazi.

Now, the hotassery, I believe this is the first actual sex show on DPUD!

Work that bitch!

Or is that Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Animal Sanctuary?

Teach a man Veeshing and he’ll be hilariously OUTRAGED! for ever.

First we’ll do some hilarity.

Terrorists have a new Facebook page. Seriously? What do they do? Suicide bomb Farmville?

Even funnier, terrorists have hacked the BBC’s weather twitter account. Al Gore hardest hit.

Now some endy that ain’t funny at all.

Lebanon is fucked. Sunni V Shiite in Tripolis is getting out of hand.

Deadly clashes erupted once again in Lebanon’s troubled northern city of Tripoli after simmering sectarian tensions boiled over into a melee of violence that has seen snipers fatally shoot people amid explosions and heavy gunfire.

Truck bombs on the way. Poor bastids.

A little hope in Egypt, Egyptians getting sick of Islamist assholes.

n two notable incidents in the northern province of Alexandria and the province of Suez, citizens beat bearded men who tried to impose their presence on the streets in order to preserve security. When the men tried to yell at women for what they saw as indecent clothing and threatened them with punishment if they ever wore those clothes again, the women yelled back at them and started hitting them with their shoes before passersby rallied, caught some of bearded men and beat the ones who were too slow to escape.

I’d be more on their side if they weren’t fine with it when the jihadis were killing Copts, but now that they’re going after eveybody else, well, that’s beyond the pale.

The Muslim Brotherhood is having problems in Cairo too.

Several thousand opponents of Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood clashed with supporters of the Islamist group near its headquarters in Cairo on Friday

I’m rooting for them, take your revolution back before you live in some Islamist shithole where not having a beard and listening to music is verboten.

 

Speaking of poor bastids, ethnic problems in Burma.

Myanmar has declared martial law in four central towns following unrest between Buddhists and Muslims that has left at least 20 people dead.

Agitated crowds of Buddhists were still roaming the streets and several neighbourhoods were still on fire or smouldering after hundreds of Muslims were forced to flee for their lives.

 

How pissed off do you have to make Buddhists to get them be all violent?

Not sure if this is good or bad, but it’s change.

The people of Turkey are digesting the historic statement from jailed rebel leader Abdullah Ocalan, who called for a PKK ceasefire on March 21….

“From now on the principles of the Turkish state could be different. It’s a process of creating a new constitution.

Maybe even some hope. I’m rooting for them, the Kurds just keep getting fucked.

Another case of exporting our values.

Most Ukrainians see their parliament representatives only once in four years — during the election campaign. But soon after getting elected, many deputies forget about accountability.

Just like ours!

My posts have been all disjointed so I’m trying for structure, this case of an unintentionally accurate headline is where we seg our ue to America.

Obama cements his symbolic support of Israel

Symbolic is absolutely correct, cuz he doesn’t support them in any other way.

This is one of those “Needs a different headline” stories.

US plan calls for more scanning of private Web traffic, email

Alternate headline: “Veeshir to put Fuck You DHS, NSA, FBI, CIA in the subject line of every email”

In more, “We’re fucking assholes” news, Via Weasel Zippers, we see some GOPers going for headlines and Democrats refusing to even symbolically say they’re against crushing America.

It would have sent the budget back to the Budget Committee until Saturday with instructions to make it balance by 2023.

They’re refusing to say they’ll balance the budget in 13 years. First, anything but this year is calling me an idiot as future Congresses will not be bound by this stupidity, second, seriously? Democrats don’t feel the need to even pretend they give a shit about fiscal sanity?

I mean, we’re going to be utterly fucked by 2023 so the budget will either be balanced by reality or we’ll all be serfs living in a EUnuchstania-like  EUtopia so this utterly symbolic thing was stupid from the get-go, but at least pretend to care.

In, We’re Running Out Of Money news, Paramus, NJ (shopping haven) is fining folks for leaving their lights on after dark.

-Businesses in Paramus, New Jersey are getting tickets when they leave their sign lights on….

“We’ve been her for 25 years and never had an issue,” Billard says.

They’re broke, tread carefully as they become creative about getting blood from your stones.

So the GOP has been trying to figure out what to do to be more palatable as a choice, so they’ve decided that the most important GOP presidential candidate to be like is…. Mike Fucking Huckabee!

Priebus cited former governor Mike Huckabee of Arkansas as an example of someone who could be “a model for a lot of people in our party”

Seriously? If you were saying that to say, “Get the fuck out of politics and get a job as blow-dried telemprompter reader” I’d respect it, but he’s not. He thinks the candidate that was worse than both McCain and Romney is their fucking model.

So, still pissed off at me for saying Fuck the GOP I’m voting 3rd party instead of throwing my vote away?

Cold Fury just keeps harshing my mellow, and my mellow isn’t very yellow as it is. At least this one has some seriously hilarity.

Florida professor and high-ranking member of the Palm Beach County Democratic Party recently instructed his students to take out a piece of paper, write “JESUS” on it, then put it on the floor and stomp on it – and the Mormon student who refused to do so, calling the assignment morally offensive – was suspended….

In an emailed statement the university sent to CBS, campus officials stated “faculty and students at academic institutions pursue knowledge and engage in open discourse. While at times the topics discussed may be sensitive, a university environment is a venue for such dialogue and debate.”

Dialogue does not seem to mean what they think it does. Kid tried to introduce another viewpoint and they suspended him as they proudly talked about dialogue. That’s fucking funny. You know, so long as you’re not the kid who’s paying $thousands a year to go there.

 

In my life eggs have been good for you and bad for you, alternatingly, too many times to count. Ditto bacon, vino and sharp sticks in the eye… way, check that last one.

So has salt. I have an alternate take on this one though.

One in 10 Americans dies from eating too much salt, the researchers found.

Salt, necessary for human life is bad for you! If that were true, then NJ would be depopulated. Seriously, I’ve never met any people who put more salt on everything.

Some illustrations.

A little early for Caturday, but I might be busy tomorrow so I’m posting it today.

Via Tim Blair’s cat post we see this bit of evil hilarity.

 

catrug

Although, it just doesn’t seem as impressive as a bear skin rug. How can you brag about how it was about to bit your toes when you took it.

 

This is genius, I’m going to have to get one to go with my Gadsden Flags.

times_up_flag_z

 

You know, cuz time’s pretty darn close to up.

Have fun everybody and don’t forget, if you’re not hilariously OUTRAGED!!!! you’re just not Veeshing.

 

 

Just Stuff 3/22/13

Posted: March 22, 2013 by chad98036 in Uncategorized

MacRumorsThe flat “Metro” or “Modern Look” UI that everyone ridiculed in Windows 8, guess who is adopting it:

Some suggested that in Apple’s next mobile operating system, Ive is pushing a more “flat design” that is starker and simpler, according to developers who have spoken to Apple employees but didn’t have further details.

and speaking of Windows 8

CITE WorldBox and Evernote execs: Don’t ignore Microsoft’s platforms

Their point, it’s a viable platform, users who are on the Windows platform generate more revenue per user because they are more likely to purchase extra features and CIO’s are looking hard at Windows solutions to the BYOD issue.

NY TimesChinua Achebe, Dead At 82

Achebe made his name more than 50 years ago with his novel "Things Fall Apart," about his Igbo ethnic group’s fatal brush with British colonialism in the 1800s. It was the first time the story of European colonialism had been told from an African perspective to an international audience.

I read “Things Fall Apart” for a class.  It was an interesting book, I don’t know that I would read it again but I’m glad I did the first time.

CNetBP Accused of Rewriting Environmental Record on Wikipedia

Angry Wikipedia editors estimate that BP has rewritten 44 percent of the page about itself, especially about its environmental performance.

BP is not directly editing its page, but instead has apparently inserted a BP representative into the editing community who provides Wikipedia editors with text.

The text is then copied "as is" onto the page by Wikipedia editors

Obviously this is an outrage! What is the name of this dastardly fiend working to improve BP’s image?  Why it’s Arturo at BP. 

The sheer audacity of the  subterfuge is mindblowing, but it gets worse when you see how he cleverly manipulated he user profile to make people think he is not a BP exec:

I have established this account to help improve BP-related articles in line with Wikipedia standards and guidelines.

The information I present from news sources is verified by the various subject matter experts within the company. I am not an expert myself on all of the topics and I want to make sure that any proposed language from news sources used is actually accurate. Arturo at BP (talk)

Wikipedia’s rules state that as a representative of the company he can’t directly edit any pages related to BP, the changes have to be submitted to editors and approved then inserted.  BP “cleverly skirts” those rules by following them. 

Ah the joys of Wikipedia.

The most amusing part – The author of this article is Violet Blue who has been accused of having her boyfriend edit her Wikipedia page in order to make it appear more favorable to herself.   (It’s archived on the Wiki talk pages so non should start getting litigious)