Round the Tubes: Oyster Herpes and Telekinetic Squirrels Edition!

Posted: March 13, 2013 by veeshir in FAIL, Fun With Media, Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Liberal Fascism, Mideast Madness, Nanny State, Notes on the Revolution, Obama's Fault, You'll pry 'em from my cold dead hands

It’s hard to take what’s going on seriously just as it’s hard not to get fucking OUTRAGED!!!! at what’s going on.

I’d call it “cognitive dissonance”, but there’s not a lot of cognition going with the dissonating.

As Rachel Lucas says,

It is to the point that writing about the news is like writing about telekinetic squirrels.

In other words, it can’t possibly even be real, so writing about it feels creepy, pointless, and silly.

I’ve noticed that Certain People think that because I am not on American soil, I might not be aware of U.S. news. I keep telling those people that I have the internet. Sadly for me, I’m indeed following all the crazy shit going on, and the only reason I don’t blog about it six times a day is because IT IS INSANE, OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL?


I’m with you. But I’m pretty creepy, I love pointless and you have to accept the silly with the scary.

Take this.

The talking heads’ twittering excitement over the Dow is hilarious. “Can the economy be this strong while unemployment is still high?” they ask.

When gas is up, it’s inflation. When bread and milk is up, it’s inflation. When gold is up, it’s inflation. When the average price of anything goes up, it’s a sign of inflation…

Except stocks. When the average price of stocks goes up, it’s because the economy is strong.



Don’t think too hard about it, that way lies brain damage. Repeated facepalms can do that.


Publicola is tracking the CO “let’s hassle the law-abiding” shit, it’s in a few posts so you’ll have to scroll. One bit.

HB 1224 passed 34-30 with 1 rep excused. That’s the magazine capacity limit bill….

HB 1224 now heads to the governor’s desk. Again if I’m not mistaken, if the governor does not sign within 2 weeks of final passage a bill will become law. Hickenlooper can sign it into law, or just sit back and do nothing. He’d have to actively veto it to stop it. So if he does not veto it, Colorado will have a magazine ban effective July 1rst of 2013.


Let’s jerk law-abiding people around and make it take 6 extra seconds to fire 30 rounds at the range while sending jobs and people out of state!


This is hilarious.

Illegal immigrants have started surrendering to local Border Patrol agents after crossing the Rio Grande, convinced they’ll be released by Immigration and Customs Enforcement,

Do you realize our Border Patrol people are now doubling as coyotes? Telekinetic squirrels indeed.


In News Of The Expected, a few days ago we saw Syrian terrorists getting active in the Golan Heights, so what’s a blue-helmeted peacekeeper to do?

The UN has halted peacekeeping patrols in the Golan Heights amid fears that fallout from the Syrian war

Listen, they’re keepers of the peace, they don’t get involved in fighting.


I love this one. So the oligarchs of the EU decided on a budget and sent it to the EUnuch Parliament.

MEPs have rejected the EU budget deal agreed by leaders last month….

Dublin believes a deal will be done within months.


Months.  Let’s say they’re off by a year or two, that still means they’ll be ahead of us in actually having a budget.


I keep hearing Beppe Grillo is the next Mussolini, I figure he’s Chimpino Grillolini. Why? The picture they use is one of him yelling, which lets you know he’s bad. Also this bit

Since then, the country has been in a state of political paralysis as Mr Grillo refuses to contemplate a power-sharing deal with the centre-Left Democratic party.

The platform of his party was that he would refuse to work with any other party. So they’re upset with his keeping the central platform of his party.

As for fascism, it’s based on fasces, which are the bundles of sticks the Romans used which is/was a symbol of “working together”. He’s also claiming the EU is just waiting to recoup some of their investments in Italy before they drop Italy.

When that happens, he’ll be blamed. Count on it.


I love this one too. So NYC has a rat problem, just like any other hundreds of year old city with moldering, decaying sections, docks and underground areas, so they’re looking to fix it. A laudable goal, too bad it’s NYC pols who are in charge.

They’re going to sterilize female rats, which will mean they’re going to spread sterilizing stuff around the city.

I don’t know exactly how that’s going to fuck things up, but I do know that it will fuck things up and it won’t sterilize all the rats so all it will do is fuck things up without actually solving the problem. It will require a fix for whatever that fix fucks up.


Today’s “Here, this’ll fool the rubes” via SondraK.  OFA, the people who sell access to Obama, have this to say.

We are not a partisan organization; we will hold both Republicans and Democrats accountable to ensure that they are advancing the agenda endorsed by the majority of the American people. We are not a political organization…


Non-partisan suckers of Obama dick. Some work the shaft harder than others.


Via Cold Fury we see James Lileks getting intemperate.  No, really, James “I’m the nicest, most pleasant guy in the world” fucking Lileks. He’s talking about Piers Morgan explaining to us dim Americans how it’s a mayor’s job to make us do the stuff he thinks is best.

Not “encourage.” Not “exalt.” Not “inspire by example.” MAKE. It’s always MAKE with these people. If you can’t make people do things, how are you going to get anything done? That Volga Canal isn’t going to dig itself, you know.

(Sorry. Reducto ad Stalin.)


That’s an eddiebear rant with extra fucksickles from him.


I’ve seen some people getting upset about this, once again leave it to me to be all contrarian and shit.

The Obama administration is drawing up plans to give all U.S. spy agencies full access to a massive database that contains financial data on American citizens and others who bank in the country, according to a Treasury Department document seen by Reuters.

You know they’re already doing it, for once Obama is practicing the transparency he preached.


I wrote about the firefight (including automatic weapons and hand grenades) in a Mexican town on the Texas border. Nobody is covering it. Not CNN, not the NY Times, nobody in Minitrue has touched it. Here’s a google news search for “Reynosa”, the town where it happened.

‘Four trucks filled with bodies’ after Reynosa firefight
Monitor‎ – 1 day ago
REYNOSA — Fear and panic filled the streets of Reynosa on Sunday night as rival gunmen battled during a three-hour firefight that saw …
Gulf Cartel Rivals Battle In Reynosa kurv
all 4 news articles »

All four articles. Seriously? Machine guns and hand grenades in a city on the border with Texas and 4 articles on the front page in English?

So the point, an interesting article.

A higher percentage of journalists in Mexico suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than among correspondents who covered the conflicts in the Middle East, Bosnia, Chechnya or Rwanda.

Yeah, I bet. When Mexican cartels kill you, your dog ,your family and your milkman for reporting on them, well, that’s kinda traumatic.

A little hilarity,

But the Mexican government, the health authorities and even media outlets themselves still aren’t taking measures to protect reporters.

That’s because they’re too busy hiding it.


I have reason to wonder about the reliability of Breitbart, but this article feels right.

The U.S will take part in deliberations over the U.N. Arms Trade Treaty (ATT) starting on March 18.

When the treaty was last debated–July 2012–the U.S. joined Russia, Indonesia, and India in saying they needed more time to think about it. Then, the very day after Obama was re-elected, “the U.S. Mission to the U.N. made clear its support for renewed ATT negotiations.”

And by “feels right”, I mean, “It feels like a hot poker up the ass.”


The Things That Bother Veeshir.

I have a package coming via UPS (For the record, I hate UPS and have for over 20 years, they almost never get my package to me ontime or easily, my favorite was when they delivered my package to the same street in another town and the girl asked me if I knew my address.)

So I checked their “package tracking” deal and saw this. See if you can see why it bothers me.

Scheduled Delivery:

Monday, 18/03/2013, By End of Day


That’s how fucking furriners write dates, not muricans. It’s 3/18/2013.

I know, petty. But it’s the little things that bother me the most. I’ve in denial on as much of the big stuff as I can be.


I promised you oyster herpes and I delivers what I promises!

The incurable, deadly virus is, however, alarming fishing communities in Europe, where oyster herpes seems to be spreading—and could go on spreading as seas continue to warm, experts say.

It’s funny how in the midst of a cooling spell, all this warmening is going to KILL US ALL!!!!!!!!

Via the semi-complete Great Global Warmmongering List (I say “semi-complete” because nobody can track all the idiocies and ridiculosities they claim)

Don’t send this article to anybody you know in NYC, they might try to fix the rat problem by giving them herpes.

Actually, check that. Send it. What happens in NYC is good for comic relief now that I live 2,500 miles away.

  1. Lemur King says:

    I understand your strong desire to be contrarian but I must politely express my contrarian views. No, I don’t expect you to give a murine’s gluteals.

    Intel agencies have been doing it anyway, yes, but there is a subtle yet tangible difference between the pretense and openly allowing access. At least before a plausible reason needed to exist to show provenance of the intel. Now there isn’t even that check – no explanation need exist for fishing and having analysts sift.

    The amount of tracking that can be done and the predictive modeling is frightening.

    They would even know about your obsession with women’s undies. Relax, I’m talking about wrappers for the T & A you so generously share from time to time. But if you DID buy that sort of thing for yourself, they would know.

    • veeshir says:

      The only privacy we have anymore is anonymity and the fact that nobody can track all 300+ millions of us.
      If somebody computer-skilled wants to know everything about you, they can find it out.

  2. HayZeus says:

    Oyster herpes, eh? Is that anything like shirt herpes?

  3. […] Veeshir at Doubleplusundead where he brings the funny and the endy. Mostly the endy and the anger-y but sometimes the […]

  4. Your rants are epic, Veeshir.

  5. […] few years ago I wrote a totally ridiculous post about telekinetic squirrels and oyster […]

  6. […] The link’s dead, but in 2013 I wrote about […]

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