Posted: March 31, 2013 by doubleplusundead in Random Crap

They suck, they tried to be fruit and didn’t make the fucking cut, especially you onion, you fucking fail so hard with your eye-burning, wretched tasting and smelling self.  People think it was the CIA that released AIDS onto the public, but I know your fucking secret, onion.  I’m on to you.  Now, I know what you’re about to say, and remember, tomatoes are technically a fruit, corn is technically a grain, and potato is kinda a big derpy grain too (potato roll, motherfuckers!).  Lettuce, cucumber, bean sprouts, peppers, cabbage and carrots are the only ones worth granting some clemency to, lettuce to bring something to sammiches, cabbage and carrot for slaw and assorted asian take out goodness (but not that nasty sweet shit slaw most people make, there’s a place in town that makes their own that fucking rules) and carrot cake, peppers because,

Cucumbers because pickles rule, bean sprouts because you need that shit to cool you down when you order full heat pad thai.

  1. Paul Moore says:

    Potatoes and carrots are roots, so I don’t think they count either. I always said that if God wanted us to eat our veggies, he would have made them taste better.
    And digest better- feed me beans and broccoli and watch me clear the room.

  2. MikeD says:

    Hot peppers are vegetables too. And I won’t have you malign the noble habanero!

    But I will say, pigs still are nature’s greatest machine. They turn vegetables into bacon.

  3. DejahThoris says:

    I love me some veggies. Except for lima beans, I just can’t with them.
    Otherwise, I revel in my omnivoricity.

    My favorite comfort food is… all of it.

  4. Mitchell says:

    Carrot juice is murder! Murder I tell you!

  5. Paul Moore says:

    I raised pigs. They won’t eat onions either.

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