I Don’t Know What To Think About This

Posted: August 20, 2014 by veeshir in PEBKAC, Random Crap

Does anybody else?

This guy was charged with sexual assault.

…accused of having sex with his wife despite being told she lacked the mental capacity to consent….

…he Iowa Division of Criminal Investigation said Rayhons (Republican Iowa state legislator V) admitted having sexual activity with his wife, who reportedly had Alzheimer’s disease….

Dale Rayhons said that while authorities say his father admitted to sexual contact, “that could be anything from a hug or a kiss.”


Seriously, should that be called sexual assault?

I’m fairly familiar with people with Alzheimer’s, there are different levels.

My step-father has it, he cannot remember what he had for lunch 5 minutes ago, he doesn’t remember that I moved to AZ 3 years ago, but he remembers me, my siblings and my 20-something nieces.

I don’t know if he remembers my mother’s death from a few years ago, but I think he does. When we talk I don’t bring up stuff that will upset him or ask if he remembers stuff from less than 30 years ago. He’s okay with remembering a trip in 1977, he remembers living in Yuma, AZ (bad memory, it was with my mother) in the late 80s, early 90s but he doesn’t remember my car from 2006.

His mother lived for 30 years with it, I met her after about 20 years, I was “the boy” whenever I went to visit with my step-father.

I’m not sure if she knew who I was or thought I was someone else. She didn’t really remember my step-father very well but she always said, “It’s the boy” and seemed happy to see me.

So what if this lady knew her husband but was confused about the year?

She’s dead now, but with Alzheimer’s she probably couldn’t have testified even if still alive as, if she didn’t know what she had for lunch she presumably wouldn’t have even remembered the incident.

They were married in 2007, so presumably she would have said yes if she were able but they were married only 8 years earlier so maybe she did not remember him as her husband.

What if she didn’t know him at all? What if she wanted to have sex and thought she was cheating on her first husband? We’ll never know her state of mind.


Is this right and proper or a travesty of ‘justice’?

I just don’t know what to think.

Forgot to H/T iOwn the World

  1. Lemur King says:

    Good God, they were married for heaven’s sake. Can they prove that she did not have a moment of clarity? Did she call rape? Was she traumatized after?

    If she was distressed prior to or during, then you have a problem… Rape is rape. If she changed her mind (ahem) later then that is no different than any consensual sex where there were regrets later and it got taken out on the other party.

    If it is just someone looking to enforce the rules, then this is a pretty sad state of affairs.

    She can’t testify, her roommate heard “sounds”, and FFS hasn’t the man had enough in his life wih his wife dying of Alzheimer’s?

    Good post, veesh.

    • veeshir says:

      It seems she didn’t call for help since the roommate said she heard sounds like they were fooling around, not ‘sounds like a struggle” or screaming so I’d say she ‘consented’ as much as she was able.

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