doubleplusundead

Nonna y’all got in on my windmill-powered airplanes and now it’s too late. Sonomobatch. It was such a good idea too. It was the perfect blend of stupid and ignorant. So stupid that ignorant fools would think it sounded smart and when we were done we’d have a couple Mosquito bombers and P-51 Mustangs.

Since it’s too late, I figure I’ll go for a socio-mathematical grant.

Before I get into that, I want to talk about a Kindle book I just read. It’s called “We are legion, we are Bob” by Dennis Taylor.

The blurb at Amazon says something about a guy freezing his head, becoming property, being put on a hard-drive and the becoming the AI for a probe. Some more about it below. No real spoilers, just why I like the book and you will too.

So Bob is a sci-fi geek who sold his Internet company for a metric boatload of money and now he’s very rich. He’s all excited he can get an all access pas for a sci-fi con and he pays to have his head frozen (because they’ll be able to grow you a new body by then!!!), dies, gets frozen and wakes up on a hard-drive, they destroyed his head in doing that.

He’s tested for suitability, and non-going-crazy-ability, to be the guiding intelligence of a von neumann probe, a self-replicating factory deal that you send to somewhere and it builds more stuff, he’s supposed to go out and build colonies. 

He goes out and the first thing he does is build more Bobs, they have to take a different name, since they’re sci-fi geeks, their names are Bender, Homer, Khan and stuff, but they’re all ‘Bobs’. 

The new Bobs help control all factories and ‘roamers’ and stuff, then they all get their own ships and some go out and start over.

By the end of the book there are probably 20 or more Bobs running around the galaxy fighting enemies, building colonies and just doing geeky, sci-fi stuff. It’s a very fun book. I bet a dollar Ringo, Kratman, the Davids Drake and Weber and a few others will want to get into that Universe. It’s just fun. I want to be Bob. So go the the puppy blender, the motheship or someone who makes money off Amazon sales and get it. It’s either 2.99 or 3.99.

 

So, on to my fascinating new mathematics field and some of you might be able to get in on the ground floor!

In light of the OUTRAGE!!!!! by our fine media betters,

At the moment there are so many outrages, executive orders, protests, and controversies that none of them can get enough oxygen in our brains. I can’t obsess about problem X because the rest of the alphabet is coming at me at the same time.

 

I figured that Trump could use something  to quantify exactly how to get the most minitrue-freaking-frothiness out of each action he plans on taking without going too far.

So he can maximize the number of ‘ha’s for each of our ‘bwa’s.

The equation I’ve developed is F=MA

Where:

F=Frothiness, M=Mania, A=Aggresiveness

M=P/I, P=Passion, I=Intelligence,

A=Aggressiveness for or against the object, Trump’s actions in this case. I can’t figure out the components for A, but it will involve education-level and partisanship. Judging from the last 16 years, I don’t think I’ll need the actual merits of any action to determine how much for or against it most partisans will be, I’ll just have to figure out how to quantify their partisanship.

High levels of education (PhD or JD for instance) will actually be the same multiplier as very little education. Too much education is just as bad as too little, that’s how we got Krugman.

 

As you can see, M is much easier to figure out. The lower the intellect the higher the M in general so I’ll focus on just F=M=P/I. As I get a baseline, I can start to figure out the A. It might even be a constant as the components equal out, mulitiplicatively speaking.

For instance,  I would guess Hannity and the Wash Post have the same absolute value for the multiplier, as I’d guess Hannity is averagely educated for a journalist and he’s about as intelligent, they’d be positive and negative values of course, i.e., mirrored around a center much like the number line.

Nancy Pelosi has just about the highest recorded M. Her intellect is exceedingly low, combined with her high level of public-consumption-intended Passion index and you get an M that approaches infinity and thus, her F (frothiness) will also approach infinity.

Nancy Pelosi on today’s vote: “What we’re trying to do is save the world from the Republican budget. We’re trying to save life on this planet as we know it today.”

That’s almost infinitely stupid.

I think I’m on to something!

In the age of Trump, the former Speaker of the House sounded positively nostalgic about working with President George W. Bush, who she once called a “total failure” in 2008. “What else did we work with him on?” Pelosi asked out loud before listing the TARP Wall Street bailouts

That’s her bragging. No really, she claimed she’s proud of working with W and bailing out Wall Street. She’s basically just frothing at the mouth until words come out. A million monkeys taking a million hits of acid would probably say similar stuff.

 

So how is it useful?

Take the first integral, or F₁. That’s the ‘velocity’ or speed at which the froth flows.

F₁= (F²/2) +C

Where C=Time elapsed in Trump’s presidency. Now, I’ve decided to use millifroths so I can use days for C. Notice the longer Trump is in office, the higher the minimum ‘velocity’ of froth. By the end of his second term all you’ll have to do is write the letter “T” and any CNN anchor will be all

 

Notice in the second integral, the ‘acceleration’ or how quickly the frother becomes frothy, the elapsed time is now multiplied by the frothiness.

I’m trying to get it to work so the “+ C” in the second integral is 1/(days left until Trump leaves office).

That way, the longer Trump is in office the higher the baseline acceleration for frothiness. That would show that near the end of his second term, by the time you get halfway through writing the “T”, the Wash Post will already be working up a full scale FAKE NEWS BLITZ-KRY and wetting themselves.

 

Trump could use this to precisely calculate the effect of things he wants to do as his POTUSy passes.

I figure that’s worth a couple $million grant.

Who’s in?