Archive for the ‘FAIL Britannia!’ Category

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Now that I have your attention, let’s go to the boobs!

So a few years ago Tsar Putin I had a guy named Litvinenko killed in London using some sort of radioactive stuff in a needle. So the Brits decided to get tough and investigate it!

The results will stay secret. (Grauniad link, I had my choice of BBC, NY Times of the Grauniad, sorry).

Shit, those wimpy boobs in the Brit gov’t ar….damn that’s one fanfastic fucking gif up there.

Lest we think Britain is totally useless, check this out.

A GRANDAD whose house was pelted with stones by a schoolboy was NICKED and FINED after frogmarching him to his parents for a telling-off.

See? They’re not totally useless, they’re totally fucking useless!

In non-boob news, Columbia teaches us how to negotiate with terrorists.

Colombian government forces have killed a FARC brigade commander close to the Marxist group’s chief peace negotiator

Now that’s how you do it. FARC ceased their cease fire so the Columbians started killing them again. Nice.

Headline

The Holocaust Just Got More Shocking

No you idiots, all it does is illustrate beyond a shadow of a doubt that those Germans who claimed “I didn’t know!!!” were lying sacks of shit. Just like anybody with a brain already knew.

I have a hard time watching some war movies and not wishing we had perfected the bomb 2 years earlier. Especially in the Band of Brothers when they find the camp and Germans pretend they had no idea what was happening in that horrible place.

Damn, everybody wants to be where the revolution starts.

Brophy points to a section of the bill that defines a high-capacity magazine as one capable of accepting or — that can be readily converted — to accept more than 15 rounds or eight shotgun shells.

That’s just about every pump-action shotgun, you can put a mag extender on them so they’re illegal even without doing so.

So that’s why Biden was pushing double-barrels.

I know, I’m banging my chubby fists on the high-chair again, but….

Jonah Goldberg is upset they’re not inviting Christie to CPAC,

Oh, and he parroted the gun-control line and flip-flopped on accepting a federal bribe to accept Obamacare funding to expand Medicaid.

He thinks they need a big tent, stop being so strict about who they let in.

Yeah, that’s worked so well for the Church of England and the Catholic Church in America.

When your stock in trade is a belief system, it helps to actually FUCKING BELIEVE IN SOMETHING!

Sorry. I just get worked up. Added, I deleted “you assholes”, that was unnecessary. I was all worked up.

Heinlein always said that If “everybody knows” such-and-such, then it ain’t so, by at least ten thousand to one

Case in point. There aren’t more black men in prison than college.

I have to admit, I’ve always accepted that. It always embarrasses me when I forget that truism.

This one is funny on so many levels. 20 years after it could do any good, the state of Michigan is declaring Detroit a disaster area and taking over.

The quotes are what make it.

Mayor Dave Bing said Friday he does not favor an emergency manager to solve Detroit’s problems,

Wait, you mean a grifter is upset that he’s going to lose his source of graft? Color me pointing and laughing.

But wait, he demands his graft!

“There needs to be additional conversation with Lansing regarding their plan to move the city forward,” Bing said. “We have always said that we need help from Lansing to implement our initiatives such as public safety, transportation, lighting and others.

I’ll translate: Gimme, gimme, gimme.

I have to admit, I totally agree with this resident.

“I don’t think it’s right at all,”Angela Woodmere, 37, said Friday outside the Maccabees Building on Woodward. “We elected Detroit politicians and Snyder shouldn’t be dictating how they run the city.”

People get the gov’t they want, they voted for Henry Gondorff, they should keep him.

Speaking of scumbags. Via the Jawas we see Obama’s peace partners giving toys to children!!!! yay!!!!!

The Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KP) government has decided to educate children about the dangers of toy-like bombs after militants allegedly targeted them recently with bombs disguised as candy, toys and even a string of ball-shaped explosives tied to a cricket bat.

Fucking savages. As for the Obama bit, it might not be the Taliban, but you know Obama would side with this set of boy-fucking savages just like he does with the Taliban.

Via Samizdata, we see this story about art. No, about Art!

So a hundred years ago some guy named Duchamp was at an art exhibit and he grabbed a urinal, signed it and put it on display. Some people are still doing it today. (Recall the janitor who “tidied up” a pile of garbage not realizing it was a million dollar pile of garbage). So the reviewer has this to say:

But it’s not going to come from repeating the same old tricks of 100 years ago. The urinal lovers now are the art establishment.

Hilariously true, but I laugh because I think of the haughty smugnitude you would get back from any Arteeeeest you said that to.

Couple Castle Arghhhhh! links.

First, the dumbest thing I’ve seen all day. (and that’s fucking saying something)

Cadets on the Brigade Energy and Environmental staff will introduce a new insignia to the Corps when they don their cadet uniforms this week. These cadet energy and environmental officers and noncommissioned officers, or E2Os, are tasked with leading the charge on initiatives related to recycling, energy and water conservation at the academy.

Silver Gore Award!

What does 4 up, 3 squiggly mean to you soldier? You’re pathetic sergeant!

The Silver Gore can’t be far behind. I swear, they’re just fucking with us now.

At first glance this looks awesome, but look closer.

army_men

Where the hell is the mine sweeper guy! Geez, they’re gonna be boned without him. Everybody knows the dinosaurs plant mines.

A sad post and one where the NY Post blew the headline again.

A massive spill at a Chivas plant has sent the smell of spirits flowing through a Scottish sewer

It should read Hundreds of people found in the sewers of Dumbarton, Scotland.

True Heroes! I so rarely get to use that category. There are only 4 of Doolittle’s Raider’s left alive.

There’s only one thing about that that doesn’t totally suck.

Years ago the President of Hennessy Company presented a bottle of 1896 vintage “Very Special Hennessy” cognac to General Jimmy Doolittle, in honor of his birth year and it was decided that the last two survivors would toast the fallen with it. Due to their advanced age it was decided that they would make the toast this year, before there were none left.

Nice.

You see, if Congress doesn’t make a deal over the Fiscal Cliff (dum, dum, dumm, dummmmmm), it’s Game Over.

That makes me laugh for two reasons.

First, even if Congress makes a “Deal”, all it’s going to do is attempt to kick the can down the road. They’ll just raise the borrowing limit (because this time, THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!, they’re going to fix the US fiscal state), before not cutting shit. Hell, they can ‘t even “cut” the increases, does anybody think they can actually cut spending in the way anybody not of our self-proclaimed Elite would think of it? If so, I have some prime beach land for sale, sure you can’t quite see the ocean from here, but it’s very sandy and sunny.

Second, I’m betting not game over, but I’m an eternal optimist. I figure nobody’s going to predict when the game really is over. Just like when the USSR fell, I’m sure there were panels planned for 6 months later, very scholarly panels, that were going to explain how Soviet communism was superior to American capitalism (spit!) and therefore, we should become an SSR.

One day I’ll be watching the Sunday Panel of Deep Thinkers telling me how now that there’s been a “Deal” we can all expect our Skittle-shitting unicorns when they’ll break in to talk about rioting breaking out in every major city on both coasts and the Oregon, Arizona and Nevada National Guards being called out to keep California rioters from invading. That’ll be funny.

Next in our tour, we see some ironic hilarity from our fine media betters.

Apparently the AP’s styleguide now includes calling him “The Prophet Mohammed“.  Engel (the guy linked) asks

Do you get the feeling AP editors are worried about being tried in absentia and sentenced to death?

Oh I’d say “Yes” and more, I’d hope for it. As they say, you can only sentence someone to death once so maybe the AP jackasses will join western civilization in their war with the barbarians.

Sorry, I just like to make myself laugh. I mean, I hope they do get all fatwaed, but I think it would only make them more lick-spittle.

Now for what Uncle likes to call, “Where Great Britain Used To Be”.

Over at Ace’s, Maetenloch helpfully catalogues some of their more egregious examples of not having a 1st Amendment.

Basically there really isn’t any since almost any non-trivial thing you say could possibly be ‘offensive’ to someone. And that’s now illegal.

Hunt master who called black saboteur a f****** w** is fined £3,000 (Here I assume he said ‘fucking wog’ but since no source ever printed the actual statement who knows.)

Christian demoted at work after writing on Facebook that he opposed gay marriage in church

You can also be prosecuted for insulting tweets but only if you’re popular.

The UK Independence Party is set to become the 3rd largest party in the UK but just being a member is considered by authorities enough to make you unfit to be a parent.

Tory Students at Oxford ask for legal protections due to continual persecution

And now we see this

Lord Justice Leveson has condemned decades of “outrageous” behaviour by newspapers as he urged the Government to set up a new media watchdog underpinned by legislation

Yes, just what Britain needs to further her transformation to Airstrip One.

And now for some depressing shit.

Syria is cut off from the Intertubes, land lines and cell phones, they still have satellite service of course. You know, until the Mukhbarat finds out and you die.

Now, everybody reporting this is saying that it could be the gov’t doing it, but nobody knows. It’s obviously the gov’t, for a few reasons. First and foremost, of course, everybody would be screeching about the Jooooooooos!!!!! doing it.

Second, we see this.

Major Syrian offensive along the Damascus airport road.

The fighting, which came after Internet links went down across most of Syria,

Just a coincidence I’m sure.

And this, Syrians bombing Aleppo. (just a style note. When Israel bombs Gaza using American jets or helicopters, that’s in the story, nowhere in this story are the jets, Migs or Mirages most likely, named. Odd that, I’m sure the Prophet Mohamed would approve)
According to Lebanon Now! (my source for all news Syria), they’re also bombing Homs, but nobody’s covering that except for some old stories when the siege began. They might be getting the full Hama treatment, which started the same way, a siege then the artillery killed a few tens of thousands.
And just to add a bit of humor to the situation, we have HRW being their usual idjit selfs and Hezbollah being unintentionally hilarious (I’m not sure if it’s funnier or endier if it’s intentional).
First, Human Rights Watch is focusing like a laser beam on what’s important. No, for once not Jews.

“Children as young as 14 have served in at least three opposition brigades, transporting weapons and supplies and acting as lookouts,” the New York-based watchdog said. “Children as young as 16 have carried arms and taken combat roles against government forces.”

First, 16 isn’t all that young for a military. It was once patriotic for 16 year olds to lie about their age to join the military and fight for their country. Second, the 14 year olds are not fighters, they’re helpers. A tradition that has a long history that only died out in the west over the last 100 years or so. I’m not saying I’m fer it, I’m saying it’s the way the world is and has been.

But mostly what I find so stupid about this is that the Syrians are killing them. Anybody over 14 is old enough to fight so the Syrians will surely kill them if they act all non-combatantly. And kill them horribly, with rusty bayonets and belly wounds if they’re lucky.
And now for the big finish, Hezbollah Getting Off a Good One.
So some of the rebels are blowing up Syrian gov’t types and Hezbollah is all pissed off, that’s their schtick.

Lebanon’s Shiite party Hezbollah condemned a recent set of explosions targeting religious minorities in Syria and Shiite pilgrims in Iraq in recent days.

“The senseless killing and terrible blood shedding of innocent people is the execution of a western devilish will,”

Okay, if I had written that I’m not sure how I could have made it funnier. No, more, I doubt I would have gotten the pitch so perfect.

Early links via the puppy Blender, I looked at Now Lebanon when I saw Syria was off the ‘tubes.
I actually had another Puppy Blender link to a PJ Media story, but I hate their website and I won’t go there anymore.
What with all the pop-ups and annoying things that I have to click. The pop-up on that page (that got around my Firefox settings saying, “No pop-ups”), froze my computer. I had to go to the task manager and end the process of Firefox, then open it without my wifi on so when it tried to recover those pages, I could close the pop-up and the PJ media link before they froze my computer again.
Fuck em. I stopped reading vodkapundit except for drunkblogging debates and such because of that shit.
I understand it’s their site and they pay the bills and make money how they can, but I don’t need the hassle so I just don’t go there.
Just like Hot Air. I can see the same links at Ace’s, Drudge or the Puppy Blender and I don’t get the annoying pop-ups and boring, establishment, conventional wisdom that I get from everybody at Hot Air except Allah.
Now that I’ve pissed off everyone today, I’m off to make lunch.
Here’s some hotassery, it’s been too long.

Watching ESPN I found out that the coach of the Brit soccer team resigned because one of his players was stripped of his captaincy because he’s on trial for a racial remark. So I wanted to find out what it was about.

Apparently, the player has been accused of saying this to another player during a game, “********** ******** *********”. Seriously, it wasn’t enough that he said, “*******”, but then he had to go add, “*********” and even “*********”.

Unbelievabile. I mean, how can we allow such a person to live? Why, next he might even say, “**********” or even (gasp!) “*************”!!!!!!!

It must suck living under Engsoc, especially if you don’t have the newest edition of the Newspeak dictionary.

In Great Britain a school wanted to show how “green” and pious they are so they turned off the heat on the coldest day of the year (so far).

I applaud this move. It teaches the students lessons that I doubt the ecotards wanted to teach.

First, it taught the students that Green Science is neither.

Second, it taught the students that “going green”, in these days of “Green Science”, means decrying civilization and demanding that people live in squalor.

Instead of using energy more efficiently, it means not using energy and living as our ancestors did.

Today’s leftist idjits not only do not learn the lessons we spent thousands of years learning, they are actually angry at people who try to learn them.

Such as not lighting a candle and praising the dark.

For that, they get Veeshir’s Seal of Ecotardish Approval.

Bravo.

So some American and Brit lawyers argued the legality of the Declaration of Independence last week.

As FrnakJ said,

The British lawyers argued that secession was not the proper tool by which to settle internal arguments, and the Americans countered by shooting them with muskets.

My opinion? Of course it was legal. We won.

Had we lost, it would have been illegal.

It’s not rocket surgery folks.

Thus Spake Steyn, hie thee hence.

When criminals are not even hassled for attacking a home-owner while the law-abiding are jailed for defending themselves, well, why wouldn’t you become a yob?

A taste

When Sam Brown observed en passant to a mounted policeman on Cornmarket Street in Oxford, “Do you know your horse is gay?”, he was surrounded within minutes by six officers and a fleet of patrol cars, handcuffed, tossed in the slammer overnight, and fined 80 pounds. Mr. Brown’s “homophobic comments,” explained a spokesmoron for Thames Valley Police, were “not only offensive to the policeman and his horse

Dude’s offense was offending the horse. Seriously.

Via Mike At Cold Fury, a warning, if you go there he’ll harsh your mellow.

The Iranians are ready to send peace-keepers to Britain.

There aren’t enough “ha”s for my “bwa” on that one.

First Libya and now this?

Sometimes the endy leads to the funny and that makes me laugh.

Via the Jawas