Archive for the ‘Fun with Elections’ Category

Surprise Headline!

New DNC Chair Tom Perez Has Problems W/ Email, Ethics, Racism and Perjury

He was in the gov’t of Obama, it’s what they did.

toleransical

 

failure-theater

Trump, CPAC and the Waldo Congress.

House Speaker Paul Ryan has put his reputation on the line by telling Sean Hannity that the major parts of the Trump agenda will be accomplished in the first two hundred days: “Inside the two hundred day window is the regulatory reforms we talked about, is the repeal and replace Obamacare; it’s the budget; it’s the rebuilding of our military; it’s tax reform… and infrastructure.” Meanwhile, Congressmen Dave Brat and Mark Meadows tell Sean they see no indication any of this will get done;

Exactly as expected. The We’re Better And Smarter Than You party are not going to give up all that sweet, sweet, corruption money easily.

 

How funny would it be if in 2020 the Dems have the same candidates?

I’ll tell you how funny, Onion-article funny unless Joe Biden and Liawatha also run. By that I mean most of the funny would be in the headline.

 

Okay, this has to be one of the funniest invites in the history of invitations.

In the new issue of Us Weekly, a Dancing With the Stars source reveals producers asked the 69-year-old politician (Hillary V) if she would be interested in strutting her stuff on season 24 of the ABC ballroom competition

Imagine Hillary trying to act human for the entirety of that program. Imagine Hillary attempting to dance. Imagine the gushing reviews the next day, “Hillary glided across the dance floor in a manner reminiscent of Ginger Rogers.”

I absolutely love that the suckophant wrote”strutting her stuff”.

not-at-all-sick

 

Speaking of the suckophantic media, our favorite smell links this with the buried lede.

Six Corporations Control 90% Of US Media, Down From 50 In 1983

That makes easier to spread their fake news across the spectrum.

 

This has to piss off J. Effin Kerry.

Four French friends have launched a campaign aimed at getting former US President Barack Obama to become a candidate in the forthcoming French presidential election.

An online petition has attracted over 40,000 signatures.

Organisers, who hope to garner a million signatures by next month, say the idea reflects their own frustration with the current candidates.

First his adopted country rejects him and then ‘his’ country!!! That’s gotta hurt.

 

wile-e-journolist

I clicked on The Truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! About Trump’s Worrisome War On The Media!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to see how stupid. Surprisingly, only sporadically stupid.

The title should have read, “The truth about the media’s worrisome war on Trump”, which is why I immediately thought ‘Stupid’.

This didn’t help.

In some ways Trump invited such abuse (from our unbiased media V).

Yeah, he went against the Golden Cow!!!!!! That required they start lying about him. It’s just axiomatic, right?

He writes some good stuff like this

Meanwhile, media members who blithely passed along Obama’s serial lies about, among many things, keeping your doctor and health plan under Obamacare, are now on Alpha Alert for Trump untruths, visibly relishing each one.

But fails to mention that many of the Trump’s Untruths!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are not really untrue, just “accurate but mostly false” according to Snopes or “True but deserving of 3 pinocchios” according to the Lying Liars Who Lie at the Wash Post.
Here’s where he goes off the rails.
The Washington media need to stop whining, get off their high horse and do the jobs they chose,
Yeah, see…most of our fine journolistic betters chose to be ‘journalists’ to Change The World!!!!!!!!!, not to provide information.
Earlier, I had an impression that journalism was meant to mirror exactly what is happening in society, giving people a reflection of what they’re doing. This course has made me realize that there are always solutions … and writing about such stories can make journalism a tool for social change.
They don’t give information, they give affirmation, disinformation and misinformation to promote their agenda. Pretending otherwise is just ignorant.

 

Oh shit, the return of Absolute Moral Authority!

The father of a US Navy SEAL killed in a raid in Yemen criticized President Donald Trump’s decision to give the go-ahead and called for an investigation in an interview published Sunday.

I am not looking forward to a rerun of Mother Sheehan.  It’s so depressing watching the media take advantage of someone going through something that traumatic.

 

Really, who’s surprised by this?

Schrap, the victim, and a group of friends gathered at his home on Aug. 27, 2016, to commemorate the death of an Insane Clown Posse fan — or Juggalo — who died last year…

…allowed Schrap to cut her arm with a machete and to drink her blood as part of the ritual. She then volunteered to have her right pinky amputated…

put the woman’s pinky in his freezer and said “he would cook it and eat it later,”

Since she agreed to it, I do not think you can call her a “victim”.

This is really the only surprising part of the article.

The woman told investigators she wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol during the ritual

So…liar or just a really, really, really stupid person?

I know, it’s so hard to tell anymore.

 

I saw this utterly 2016 story about a transgender teen wrestler competing against girls and winning and thought, “That’s fucked up. They shouldn’t let a boy wrestle in a girl’s league (unless it’s the Jello-league), but that wasn’t what was happening.

Debates rose up among coaches, parents, and fans about whether Beggs, who is transitioning from female to male, should be able to compete in the Class 6A 110-pound girls division after undergoing testosterone treatments. UIL rules forbid Beggs from competing against boys.

That’s a hate-crime right? I mean, they’re forcing this poor ‘boy’ to pretend he’s a girl! Basing gender on genitalia is a hate crime!

 

Some people ask me how I do my post so effortlessly, seamlessly and with such good spelling and puntuation so I’ve decided to post a picture of me posting this post. I know, I’m a giver that way.

blogger

Now ya’all know what a Veeshir is.

 

 

Wait a minute…

Posted: November 16, 2016 by aliceaitch in Filthy Hippies, Fun with Elections

i-as-told

Weren’t we led to believe there was a terrorist threat before and the day of the election? Instead we’ve got a bunch of whiny protesters, many of whom didn’t even bother to vote.

Denver’s students were still protesting as of Friday, but a little bird told me that they’d protest for any cause that stuck a sign in their hands and told them they could ditch school. Many of the protesters disappeared Friday around 4pm, and as far as I can tell things settled down over the weekend. There is almost no local coverage of the protests, and I’m not going downtown to check myself because I hate that the city smells like weed regardless of whether there are protests or not.

trumpsign

The local community college is offering counseling if you’re “distressed by either the vitriol of the campaign or the results”.

snowflake2

If I had time (meaning, I was a special snowflake student and not working a full-time job and raising a family) I might seek counseling because it’s terrifying to me that someone who would bully and intimidate the women her husband sexually assaulted and harassed could make it so close to the White House and it seems like none of the womyn on campus care.  I just might be able to milk a few free credit hours out of being betrayed by the local vagina squad.

In other words…if you’re so distressed by the vitriol of the campaign or the results that you must seek professional help, please GTFO of campus because you’re not even mature enough for community college.

Pre-Post-Election Post

Posted: November 7, 2016 by veeshir in Fun with Elections, We're boned

The worst part about the election being tomorrow? You know it won’t be over even then.

I figure the over/under is 30 days. It’ll either be over quick, like in a day or two, or it’ll go on for ever. If Hillary! loses, I could see her fighting it until after the inauguration.

The only thing I know is that today is the day to buy ammo. If Hillary! wins, and 2008 and 2012 are any hint, it’s gonna become a lot harder to find soon. If you think Hillary! is going to win, you might want to guy a few AR-15s to sell in a few months for 1000% markup.

 

 

archer-on-fbi

I can hear it in Archer’s voice. Which makes it funnier.

So before the post-election frenzy, let’s try to figure out what the hell the FBI did.

They leaked like a sieve but here we are on Monday, and nobody’s been arrested.

Were they trying to let us know exactly how corrupt the Dept of “Justice” is in the only way they could?

Was Comey trying to cover his ass?

Will someone be arrested tomorrow morning in NYC?

 

Bret Baier’s show is going to be the most interesting. If there’s anything going to happen it’ll be his show or O’Reilly’s tonight. I’d bet on Baier’s show. If nothing new shows up, I’m take back taking back most of the stuff I’ve said about Hillary!’s Bitches in the FBI.

 

Let’s look at some funny.

As Hillary! is bashing Trump for his potty-mouth, she invites a foul-mouthed rapper to an event, giving Trump the chance to say

‘I actually like Jay-Z. But you know, the language last night! Ohhh! Ooooh!’ Trump said in Tampa, Florida. ‘Maybe I’ll just try it. Should I use that language? Can you imagine if I said that?’

 

It’s not just that she’s so corrupt and dishonest, it’s that she knows far too much to ever learn anything. She’s functionally an idiot.

 

Judge Orders IRS To Stop Targeting Tea Party Groups!!!!!!!

With this fascistically hilarious aside,

It’s the latest blow to the tax agency, which is facing a separate order from a judge in Washington, D.C., to process a handful of other cases the agency had delayed.

Who’s gonna enforce all these orders? The “Justice” Dept? The Power Puff girls? Teletubbies? Pikachu?

 

Which leaves us with electing Trump.

There’s also legalizing weed on the ballot, so I have that going for me.

 

I’m not voting for him to reform the GOP or destroy the GOP, I’m doing so becauseI think that keeping Hillary! from continuing where Obama left off would be the worst thing that could happen to America.

I also want to destroy the We’re Better And Smarter Than You Party, both the Dem and the GOP wings. Especially the GOP wing that won a couple elections to stop Obama on illegal immigration and Obamadebaclecare, and immediately helped him. Trump by himself won’t be able to destroy them, but, hopefully, he will mess with them hard. Get them to start freaking out and maybe, must maybe, get them primaried out, if they’re in ‘safe’ districts.

I’m also voting because the GOP is already planning on some failure theater and threatening to HOLD HEARINGS!!!!!!!!!, I just don’t think I could take any more of that.

That’s why Trump.

 

Republican presidential candidate, businessman Donald Trump stands during the Fox Business Network Republican presidential debate at the North Charleston Coliseum, Thursday, Jan. 14, 2016, in North Charleston, S.C. (AP Photo/Chuck Burton)

 

Because nobody knows what the hell he’s going to do as POTUS.

 

Via Mike at Cold Fury, we see this lovely sentiment.

So, evolution brought us Ted Cruz. The job of the president is to uphold the Constitution, and Cruz could recite it forwards and backwards. Unlike Romney, he had the balls to stand up to anyone and seemed to thoroughly enjoy conflict. He was dumped for being too ugly and boring. This begot Trump. We went from a puritan virgin, to a virgin who can fight, to a dirty fighter on his third wife….

 

I’ve graphed the trajectory on that, the next step is not pretty.

RTWT, it’s like an eddiebear rant except without, alas, the fucksickles.

 

For those who wish this election would go on forever, have heart! Tomorrow is not the end, it’s just the beginning!

Especially if Trump wins. The Obama admin, Minitrue and the rest of our fine, tolerant, leftist friends would go absolutely batshit insane.

And that would be its own reward.

Well, Election Day is tomorrow and it really can’t come a moment too soon.

Oh, don’t get me wrong–I’m not looking forward to it. It’s going to suuuuuuuuuuck. But I just want the voting to be over.

Note that I said “the voting.” I point that out because the whole thing isn’t going to be over, even if one of the two candidates has a clear victory on Tuesday. No, the more fervent acolytes of the loser will be screaming bloody murder for years to come about cheating, rigging, dirty tricks, stabs-in-the-back, and the like. This is to say nothing of the possibility that one candidate mounts some sort of sore-loser legal challenge, like Gore did in 2000. We’ll be dealing with this shit for a long while.

(more…)

There’s a reason you’re not getting laid

Posted: November 3, 2016 by aliceaitch in Fun with Elections

Besides your neck beard, your malodorous breath, your dick cheese, and those long dirty fingernails that will never be allowed near any sensible lady’s bits.

The Cubs won last night and, except for all night rioting, nothing happened. I expected to wake up this morning at least to a rain of frogs.

Oh well, I guess I should do a post since We’re Not ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!! last night. I just hope it’s not a metaphor for the election, cuz Chicago epitomizes the Clintons, corrupt politicians.

 

I underestimated our fine betters, you can make this shit up.

Loretta Lynch, the highest law-enforcement person in the US, plead the 5th to avoid incriminating herself.

If it was in a book I would laugh, laugh, laugh. As it is, I laugh, cringe, laugh, cry.

 

Dept of “Justice” dude

The Justice (sic) Department official in charge of informing Congress about the newly reactivated Hillary Clinton email probe is a political appointee and former private-practice lawyer who kept Clinton Campaign Chairman John Podesta “out of jail,” lobbied for a tax cheat later pardoned by President Bill Clinton and led the effort to confirm Attorney General Loretta Lynch.

Peter Kadzik…

From Boardwalk Empire (a pretty good series)

 

Daugherty (Attorney General, like Lynch) introduces Nucky (Criminal, like Hillary!) to Thorogood (crooked insider Like Kadzik)…

Ginsburg explains that Thorogood will submit a motion to transfer the charges against Nucky to federal court…once the case is before a federal court the Department of Justice will intervene and drop the charges due to insufficient time and resources….

Thorogood’s motion to transfer the charges to federal court is successful. Daugherty answers a call from Nucky and observes that Nucky sounds happy. Nucky jokes about the joy of becoming a federal defendant.(Like Hillary! cackling about the joys of being a Clinton)

 

It’s funny, when people see stuff like this in a tv show, book or movie, they shake their heads and can’t figure out how people would fall for it. When they see the Clintons and/or Obama do it, they think I’m a partisan idiot for noticing it.

 

Yesterday we saw CBS, ABC and The Hill have doubleplusungood headlines about Hillary!, which was funny.

But even funnier is watching all the folks on TV, like on CNN, haz sad faces.

There have been few political meltdowns such as the ones being seen in real time now, thanks to Democrat Hillary Clinton’s woes with the FBI.

There’s James Carville turning into an exploding pumpkin on CNN on Monday. There’s Harry Reid threatening the FBI director with a violation of the 1939 Hatch Act….

And there is Ohio Gov. John Kasich who made a point of telling the media that he officially broke his pledge to support his party’s presidential nominee. He instead wrote in Arizona Sen. John McCain on his ballot. Top Kasich aide John Weaver was a staffer on McCain’s failed 2000 bid.

CNN then reported the Kasich story — and used three reporters to do so.

 

They’re still plugging along, trying to push the old hag over the finish line, but you can tell they’re pretty demoralized.

 

Most people paying attention know their betters are not going to allow Brexit to succeed if they can help it. I know I expect the ‘negotiations’ to take a decade or more (mostly more), but this is ballsy.

In a major blow for Britain’s government, the High Court ruled Thursday that the prime minister can’t trigger the U.K.’s exit from the European Union without approval from Parliament.

Their betters know so much better how they should live.

 

Let’s do some Headline Fun!
First, I’ll go for a typical, NY Times’ style headline fun.

Hillary eats soul… to boost

Hillary!’s getting desperate! Her drugs must not be working as well as hoped judging from this. I wonder if it’ll help.

 

I don’t have any reason to post this, except because the headline shows the Post stays in their comfort zone. Headline

Generic Viagra peddler accused of stiffing business partners

Heh.