Archive for the ‘WTF is wrong with Topeka’ Category

There must be something in the water in Topeka, KS. There’s no other way to explain how a town with a population of only 125,000 can be home to two completely unrelated crazycakes. The town was once home to a notable insane asylum. Perhaps it’s time to reopen it.

I’m linking the Google Caches of these articles because the outrage and laughter flowing from Denver has caused the servers at “Topeka’s News – A Progressive Voice for the Free Thinker” to crash. First, we have accusations that marijuana use has become so pervasive in Colorado that the Broncos were able to give contact highs to the entire Kansas City Chiefs football team without anyone noticing the smell of skunk.

Shocking new reports from sources in Denver confirm that Denver Broncos personnel were seen flooding Mile High Stadium with marijuana smoke, inundating the stadium with copious clouds of the mind-altering chemical moments before the game. Sources claim Denver Broncos staff also flooded the Chief’s lockeroom with a constant stream of marijuana smoke before the game and during halftime, as they have done with other teams for the last two years.

“It is suspicious when you have Charles dropping five your toss-ups and Peyton Manning chucking 60-yard touchdown passes off his left foot to his receivers, our guys hardly able to keep their balance and giggling,” a stoic Andy Reid said, saying the Chiefs will get beyond this game and prepare for San Diego next week.

Chiefs fans watching the game on Jumbo-tron back at Arrowhead Stadium were equally skeptical. ”You have to wonder if the Broncos are trying to give out contact high to incoming teams. They train in marijuana-laden conditions, other teams cannot compete with that. There is a conspiracy going on here and it involves the government of Colorado itself,” Chiefs fan Nadia Botwin stated.

Apparently marijuana culture is so pervasive here that it caused Peyton Manning to fall astray, and the Broncos’ woes are to be blamed on marijuana and the betrayal of Tim Tebow. (On a side note, marijuana smoked with the Denver Broncos also turned Shaun White into Eric Stoltz.)

Marijuana’s not the only thing causing our world to go to hell in a handbasket, though. The recent solar flares are a result of God’s wrath at gay marriage. Oh, and Obama’s to blame for 9/11, I guess because he’s invented time travel.