Friday Funnies

Posted: May 22, 2015 by veeshir in Funniest End of Civilization Evah, Teh Funneh

Not into the endy today, so how about just some funny?

First up, a Hillaryous poser.

hillary!potus or prison

You make the call!

Some funny that’s utterly unsurprising.

 FBI agents can’t point to any major terrorism cases they’ve cracked thanks to the key snooping powers in the Patriot Act,

PETA is upset about people abusing sheep in Australia. No, orally aurally not anally.

The basis for the concerns was the rights of the animals, that they might have been harassed by viewing things they shouldn’t have seen or verbal abuse by people using bad language,”

Images of ovine rape and sexual innuendo? No!

The allegation was that bad language was used by an employee on the property in front of the sheep, and that they could have been offended by the use of bad language.”

Bwahahahhaa.

A conundrum

“I’m not sure all animals can understand different dialects,” she said.

The best response? Glad you asked.

I can’t find it, but Tim Blair quotes

For Ken Turner, who operates Boorungie Station, the obvious answer to the quandary was to ask the sheep themselves to corroborate the evidence.

The shear terror of the event has the lambs silent though.

.

Yeah, I know, they’re both sorta endy, how often do I have to tell you , you don’t get the funny without the endy?

Well, except for these.

GStar GTrek garden gnomes!

Guy/crewman #6

Guy/crewman #6

I really need a garden.

Men and women are different.

fear

Got the Gnomes from GDavid Thompson, who also has a link to a calculator museum.

Not a very good museum though, not enough HPs and too many of the inferior TIs.

Are doomed to see a lot of dead Jews.

I think Santa Anna said that.

She’s Santa Claus’ third cousin, once removed.

 

Obama also rejected the notion that anti-Semitism at the highest levels of Iran’s leadership proves their government is irrational.

Yeah, cuz the anti-Semitism at the highest levels of the Dem leadership doesn’t mean they’re irrational, right Mr President?

 

“The fact that you are anti-Semitic, or racist, doesn’t preclude you from being interested in survival,”

How profound trite and idiotic, which is as close to profound as Obama gets.

It doesn’t preclude you from being rational about the need to keep your economy afloat; it doesn’t preclude you from making strategic decisions about how you stay in power; and so the fact that the supreme leader is anti-Semitic doesn’t mean that this overrides all of his other considerations.”

 

No, but it can preclude you from wanting to allow Israel, or indeed any Jews, to stay alive and unnuked.

He said that, historically, anti-Semitic policies have been executed by governments across Europe and the Middle East at a “low cost.”

 

Low cost? To whom?

I understand he cares not that Europe’s history of pogroms (with Germany’s last one being merely the’ best’ run) ‘cost’ millions of Jews their lives and freedom, but doesn’t he know it cost Germany many millions of marks to run those camps?

His policy is to make clear to the Iranians that the cost is high, he said.

 

They already know that, nukes ain’t cheap.

 

Jebus.

Every time I end up paying any attention at all to what he says I’m utterly stunned at his stupidity, ignorance and absolutely undeserved arrogant superiority.

And that’s why I don’t pay attention.

H/T Weasel Zippers who seem to enjoy rubbing my face in stuff I’m trying to stay in denial about.

Bastids.

 

 

 

Dammmmmmit. No matter how often I tells myself not to believe in a politician I keep thinking that this time ,THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!, it’s going to be different.

Because Mr. Paul stopped talking before midnight, his speech will not have delayed the Senate’s next procedural vote on trade, now scheduled for 10 a.m. Thursday.

 

Tilting at windmills is one thing, throwing fish to get me to clap pisses me off.

 

ADDED AFTER COFFEE

His ‘filibuster’ was not and it had nothing to do with the anti-4th amendment bill, it was about getting face time and looking as if he IS DOING SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!

Now, back to my disillusionment, already in progress.

 

Eh, at least he got a few good ‘Arfs!’ and a bunch of squeezy bulb toots out of me.

 

Important Update!!!!!!

I’m going to be in NY until the end of June. It is colder here than in my refrigerator. Last night it approached the temp in my freezer.

If it snows, I’m suing someone. Not sure who, probably Gorequemada.

I miss the desert. Sonomabatch. Of course, I’m missing the good part to be cold in NY but I’ll be returning just in time for 120 degrees.

Important, I should know better, update!

 

Apparently a Senator speaking continuously to stop the Senate from passing a bill is not a filibuster.

Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul commandeered (emphasis me V) the Senate floor…

Although Paul called his action a filibuster, it technically fell short of Senate rules (fact check: Mostly true but false because leftists don’t want it to be true)…

Thune said: “It’s going to be talking for an extended period of time. Around here I suppose that’s a filibuster.”

Obviously Thune is some sort of dictionary-nazi.

Hmmm, is that a Minitruism or is it antidictionaryestablishmentarianism?

I’m going with antidictionaryestablishmentarianism cuz you know McConnell, McCain, Graham and the rest of the GOP establishment assholes are agin it.

I’m fer his filibuster as much as I can be.

Gumming up the works is awesome and tilting at windmills is important. Sooner or later you get to kill those bird-killing windmills!

 

The 4th amendment has a meaning as rdbrewer explains so well

I get it; some of these senators know better than the Founding Fathers and are happy with warrantless bulk data collection, but the Constitution does not allow that. We have the right to be secure in our papers and effects,

Yeah, the current crew of life-long-politicians know better than the greatest men to ever have lived and they’ve decided we have no rights they don’t feel we need.

In other words,

Not Shown: GOP Betters Giving Obama Helpful Hints

Not Shown: GOP Betters Giving Obama Helpful Hints

 

This is the “Explaining the categories” part.

It’s in GOP Win! because the GOP is going to win and restrict my freedoms.

It’s in GOP Fail because Rand Paul is being unhelpful to his establishment betters in the GOP.

Okay, that’s hilarious.

The frequent but mild earthquakes giving shivers to the Irving area — but not other areas in North Texas — likely should be blamed on geologic fault lines rather than gas drilling practices, a geologist said Tuesday.

Wait, so earthquakes are caused by fault lines? The deuce you say!!!!!

I almost never say this, but check out the comments, some people are funny, “If I’m not mistaken……fracking caused The Rockies.” and others are just as funny, “Retry that headline. Something like: Irving-area quakes are likely not due to oil and gas activity, oil company geologist says.

 

My favorite comment? Glad you asked.

Fracking really? Why not blame global warming as well?…

Joke’s on you!

Recently discovered, that causal factor is seen by a growing body of scientists as further proof that climate change can affect the underlying structure of the Earth.

 

SCIENCE! has no room for science.

 

Remember folks, green science is neither.

I’ve been calling him Tsar Putin I for years now, apparently he sees himself as more of a Caesar type.

 a group of Cossacks in St. Petersburg have gone a step further, erecting a statue of Putin in the form of a Roman emperor.

Boy is there egg on my face.

Two “Oly Chit Meng”s for this story.

Fifteen Baltimore neighborhoods have lower life expectancies than North Korea.

First, really? North Korea?

Second, that’s a Minitrue outlet in good standing noting that.

Of course, they don’t mention which political party is in charge of Baltimore, they make it racial (whitey caused it obviously), they should mention all those heartless whiteys are Dems, but that’s just too much to ask.

 

A Puppy Blender post quotes this

Even as he (Stephanopoulos V) acknowledged error in making his Clinton Foundation donations—having been caught by the right-leaning Washington Free Beacon and Politico(sic)—…

 

No, Polie-ico did not “catch” this in any way, the story was leaked by one Minitrue outlet (ABC “News”)  to another (Polie-ico) to lessen the impact.

They lie and keep lying until it becomes Truth!!!!

That’s how it works and all our fine, establishment betters fall for it every fucking time.

 

When people tell me how great a POTUS Clinton was, I always ask why. They say “The economy was great.”

Yeah, because of Newt fucking Gringrich ramming shit Clinton didn’t like down his fucking throat, like welfare reform that has since been gutted.

Clinton’s only accomplishment (aside from watching Russia deteriorate under Tsar Putin I and selling our military secrets to China) was getting NAFTA done by getting the GOP to go against his, Clinton’s, party

Now, I’m not arguing for or against NAFTA, but as we are now in the 90s redux (with the added attraction of having lost the Cold War) what do you think is next?

A Dem POTUS getting a free trade agreement approved with the GOP working against the Dems.

So why do I think it’s bad for America?

Because Obama is fer it. Duh.

What makes it funnier, for me, was watching CNN (Clinton News Network copyright 1990s) explain to me last week how, even though the Dems stopped this in the Senate, it was the GOPs fault because the House was going to vote against it anyway.