Ode to the One-Piece Bathing Suit

Posted: April 16, 2011 by socklessjoe in Ewww - taste this!, Random Crap

Once upon a time, it wasn’t a shameful thing for a woman to wear a one-piece. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but now it seems that every woman who deems herself more shapely than an orca wants to wear a bikini.

Speaking as a dude, I say no. Vastly fewer women should be wearing bikinis. Even attractive women. “Can I wear a bikini?” and “Should I wear a bikini?” are very different questions.

Some (disturbing) comparative studies below the fold…

First, the lovely Sofia Vergara…

38 years old, a mom, and hot as hell.  Wearing a one-piece, as well she probably should.  Curves like that come with a price.  It works.

Conversely, some old hags desperately attempting to cling to their youth, and not doing a particularly good job at it…

Kathy Griffin, age 50:

Please, for the love of God, cover that shit up!

Janice Dickinson, age 56

No. Just no.

Ladies — ain’t no shame in a one-piece.  Don’t be that chick.

  1. Gundo says:

    Eh. A one-piece wouldn’t cover the parts of Griffin and Dickinson that I find unattractive. Their midriffs are seriously the least of their worries.

  2. Veeshir says:

    I think that second one is Carrot Top, but the point stands.

  3. Paul Moore says:

    Most women should avoid bikinis for the same reason that most men should avoid the skimpy ball huggers. One piece or boxers -please, unless you have an Olympian body.

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